Anorexia Versus You

Happy Tuesday, all! This is a poem I wrote in the summer of 2003. I marvel that I had the right idea even 4+ years ago to write this. It took me a while to work things out in my own head and heart, but eventually, in years to come, I took my own words to heart. I wrote this to myself--the good part of myself. Here's to hoping this poem will mean something to you. I know so many of you understand.

Anorexia Versus You

I ask myself such questions

Like “Am I okay or not?”

Unwilling to give myself

Or my own mind a shot.

*

I let It claw at me with nails

That could cut without much force;

I let It strangle me with passion

And I scream until I’m hoarse.

*

You try to pull me back,

Keep me safe from all It’s pain,

But sometimes I look away from you

And It just snatches me again.

*

You tell me I can beat It

And I know that this is true…

It has no power over me

If I’m with someone like you.

*

I know you try to help me

And I argue and I cry…

I wish I could explain It;

I wish I could tell you why.

*

I want to cling on tightly

And make you save me from it all,

But no matter how I try

It’s inevitable that I fall.

*

I know I’m disappointing

And I know I must be strong,

But it’s hard to give up something

That has held you for so long.

*

One day I will be rid of It;

It will be all in the past--

It’s something I’ll break free from,

But you’re something that will last.

*

It’s the last thing I should choose

And it’s the last thing I should do;

I keep holding on to It

When I should be holding on to you.

(c) Arielle Lee Becker 2003