Being Kind to Yourself During the Holidays

Your Strengths

FYI: What's In Store

Just a reminder that more than 300 of my videos are available on a variety of eating disorder, recovery, and mental health topics. You can find them here on my channel. Not all of them are posted here, so please subscribe to stay up to date on all new videos: https://www.youtube.com/user/arielleleebair

In addition, this a playlist of just the past year's Wednesday videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVai4ynMeHAH1aBASzToY69CXlXSlmpIR

If there are any topics you'd like to suggest, feel free to post a comment or send me an email. You can also "like" my official public figure Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/ArielleLeeBair for  almost daily posts, graphics, videos, and more.

Over the next 3 weeks, I will be covering these topics for the holiday season:

Week 1 (Dec 9): CELEBRATING YOUR STRENGTHS - What are they? How can you appreciate them? How can you enhance them? How can you build on them?

Week 2 (Dec 16): BEING KIND TO YOURSELF DURING THE HOLIDAYS - recognizing triggers, remembering the positives behind the celebrations and events, asking for support, loving yourself enough to cut yourself a break or let yourself enjoy things you are afraid of!

Week 3 (Dec 23): FINDING YOUR INNER CHILD - Being a child at heart can go a long way. Look for things that make you feel like a happy kid and do them as much as possible!

You Are Not Your Past

This week's video is about accepting, forgiving, and moving forward. Have you been hurt? Wronged? Abused? Have you done things you are ashamed of? Are you feeling guilty? Whatever the situation, you are not your past. Live in the now.

Arielle's 2013 Thanksgiving Message

My annual Thanksgiving Day video for you:

Arielle Gets to the Heart of the Matter

If you have a minute and a half to spare and you struggle with body image, this video is for you.

Victimization: It's Not Okay

This week's video focuses on victimization. Stay tuned - this is just the tip of the iceberg. I will discuss bullying more in the coming weeks.

Defensiveness: Your Arch Enemy

Look inside.

STIGMAS

In this week's video, I discuss stigmas and how they impede recovery.

Difference: A Quick Lesson

If you have 3 minutes, give this a listen. "Difference" is a topic so often discussed, but we forget about some things that truly enhance its meaning. Let's go!

People Pleasing as an Obstacle to Recovery

Recovery + Pets!

Welcome to our brand new web series! Arielle Bair MSW, LSW and Jennifer Durn, MSW, LSW merge their areas of expertise: recovery + pets! If you enjoy this first segment of our web series (Recovery + Pets: Positive Forces in Our Lives), be sure to check out the upcoming segments: Recovery + Pets: Dealing with Bad News, coming next month. Following that, stay tuned for our third segment: Recovery + Pets: After a Loss. Thank you for watching!

We are interested in your feedback. PLEASE comment with your thoughts and/or ideas!

Perfectionism as an Obstacle to Recovery

This week starts a new 4 week rotation, during which I will be discussing 4 huge obstacles to achieving full recovery: perfectionism, people-pleasing, stigmas, and defensiveness. Today's video is devoted to the topic of perfectionism, specifically as a recovery roadblock. Stay tuned for the next 3 weeks, during which the other topics will be discussed at length.

Recovery Starts with You

Take it to heart.

Seeking Your Own Answers

Recovery Magic

Individuality in Recovery

This week's video is short and sweet, a reminder of an important lesson to strengthen your recovery. Your path is yours. Own it.

Cultivating Confidence

Last week's Wednesday video was up on time, but I'm late to post here. Cultivating confidence is a vital piece of recovery and a healthy life.

Why Is Happiness Harder to Deal with than Bad Stuff?

Such a good question. Let's discuss.

Letting Go

An interesting and often un-talked-about topic. My take on learning to live life after a long time in recovery. Recovery doesn't leave you in the lurch. It's always there if you've chosen it, but you can't stop it from letting you live life. Letting go can be a beautiful thing.

One Minute Encouragement: Don't Forget About YOU

Depression as an Obstacle to Recovery from an Eating Disorder

It's a lot to fit into a 15 minute video, so keep in mind that it's not as comprehensive as it could be, but next week I will be delving into some other issues to piggyback on this topic. 

1 Minute Encouragement: Waiting Out the Storms

A very brief bonus video for this lovely weekend:

ENDING Distorted or Bad Thoughts

Distorted thoughts can sometimes be harder to eliminate than actual behaviors. This week, I answer the question "How do you let go of them when you are already behavior free, at a healthy weight but your negative thoughts and fears are still in your mind?" In this video, I detail a 3 step process for ending distorted or negative thoughts. 

Eating Well with a Busy Schedule

A twitter follower and recovery warrior asked me about how to eat well with a busy schedule earlier in the week. It got me thinking about what a very good recovery topic for a video this would be. So, without further ado, I give you a thorough bonus video: EATING WELL WITH A BUSY SCHEDULE.

What Could Make Your Morning Brighter?

In search of the perfect coffee or tea mug? Check out a bunch of Arielle's Recovery Cats. Their simple and positive outlooks will keep you smiling each morning. :-)

All mugs can be found here at the print shop: Ceramic Mugs

If you buy a mug and take your picture with it, I'll post it! :-)

The Role of Joy

This video says it all. This week I answer the questions: "What role did joy play in your recovery? What role does joy play in your life as a recovered person? How does joy help you to help others?"

Healthy Relationships and Boundaries

A lot of people ask me about relationships. I have talked about eating disorders and relationships in the past in videos and blog posts, but today I want to talk about relationships in general. Because sometimes, eating disorders aren't what complicate things. Relationships can be complicated themselves. And there are many people who do not know what constitutes a healthy relationship. Other times, boundaries are an issue. Often, what I see, is that boundaries are an issue and people don't even know or realize this is the case. So today, I'm talking about healthy relationships and boundaries. Let's get down to business. This has nothing to do with eating disorders and has everything to do with you.

Stopping Negative Thoughts

This week, I discuss some interesting tools and answer a question.

Make-Up Ponderings

Without further ado, today I discuss make-up... I clean... I ponder... I ask you to ponder... and I share with you my very packed and messy bathroom of beauty products... I ramble... I laugh... I muse...Enjoy the informal randomness and ponder along with me, folks.

Doing for Others Without Becoming Overwhelmed

This week's video is a response to a question and is a rather informal video. Thanks for watching. :-)

 

Therapy from a Therapist Perspective

This week's Wednesday video was a question from Brianna: "Please explain what the therapeutic process is like from a therapist point of view. I just thought it would help viewers understand therapy more and why boundaries are important. For example, my therapist is gone for 2 weeks its hard but I understand she needs a vacation and her job is only part of her life so it's easier for me for her to be gone." I talk about boundaries, perspectives, terminations, breaks, etc.

 

New Eating Disorder Topics?!

Watch this super short, fun video and hit me with them.

 

What Brings You Peace?

Falling a bit behind with getting the Wednesday Warrior videos up here for you. They're always up timely for Wednesday mornings, but sometimes I forget to link to the blog. Also, don't forget to check out the new Actively Arielle Official Facebook page where I post daily graphics, videos, inspiration, resources, and other fun stuff!

 

Using Peace to Make a Better Future

Peace is a directive...a goal...

Integrating Peace Into Recovery

Short and sweet.

Making Peace with the Past

Accept. Say good bye. Move forward.

Bravery Starts Within

This week's video is the fourth and last one on the topic of bravery. Keep being brave!

A Letter for the Fighters

Dearest YOU,

Maybe you're hurting. Maybe you're numb. I can feel it in your words when I read them in the forums, blogs, Facebook groups, and messages. But your spark is not gone, because I can feel that too. Am I worried? Yes. But am I hopeful? Yes. Always. Why? Because I know you can do this. I know you can beat this thing that for some reason has seen fit to grab hold of you. I know you didn't choose to have an eating disorder, but what's awesome is that you can choose to recover. Be brave, be bold, and make that choice! This world needs you - the whole, beautiful, amazing you...not the hurting, numb, compromised you.

I know you're stronger than your eating disorder. I know you are a fighter. Are you forgetting?

I can't let you forget. I won't let you forget. I can't let you throw away all the progress you've made. You deserve better and recovery is the only "better" there is. Trust me. I know how it is - sometimes a huge part of you wants to just throw in the towel and let the glamorous version of your eating disorder take over. But you are not a quitter. And that glamorous version may scream "You'll be thin!" or "You'll be happy!" or it might spout pleasing numbers at your numbed mind or illustrate pictures of contentment, but it's all fluff. Fallacy.

I've seen what you can accomplish - even from a afar. I've seen what you can do on your own, and with help, and with support. The fact is, you can accomplish a lot and amaze people around you - not by your dwindling physique or your unwavering exercise routine, but by your determination, your true beauty, your intelligence, your passion, your creativity, and your sense of fun.

You have a real sense of fun.

And guess what? It's going to go away. A part of you thinks you'll be happier if you continue down this path of letting the illness and obsession take over... but you're wrong. And I don't want you to find out the hard way.

I know sometimes it all seems like too much. I know sometimes recovery seems too hard, too annoying, too overwhelming, too invasive. And I know that you're screaming inside, "That's not what I want! I want to be thinner! I want to be happier! I want to be in control!' or whatever it is that pesky, devilish voice says to you. But every time you give in to that screaming voice, you're losing a piece of yourself.

And I don't want to see you go.

I'm willing to play hardball and tell you to cut the crap. I'm also willing to love you fiercely and wholly. And you're allowed to vent and rage and cry and freak out. As long as you won't give in to that voice. Deal?

I know it sucks. I know it's hell. But the time to move forward is now. You can do it.

No, you can do it.

NO, you CAN do it.

Okay?

I love you. Now get to work.

Love, Arielle

Recovery + Bravery: A Strengths Perspective

The Actively Arielle Official Facebook Page

To stay up to date with new videos, resources, posts, and information, like Actively Arielle on Facebook.

https://www.facebook.com/ArielleLeeBair

Bravery As a Stepping Stone

Continuing the theme of bravery, this week I talk about bravery as a stepping stone. I clearly highlight the difference between being aggressive and being assertive...so check it out if you need the reminder. :-)

Bravery: What Is It?

Finding the Root

In this week's video, I discuss getting to the root of your eating disorder, but remembering not to get caught up in the past or the problem. Instead, keep your focus on the NOW and understand that finding the root of your eating disorder can be helpful, but not necessary to keep moving forward with your health and well-being.

Separating the Eating Disorder Voice from Your Own Strong Voice!

This is a remake of a very popular video I did a couple of years ago. It's short and simple: a lesson in facts.

Pushing Yourself In Recovery - Plateaus

Self-Awareness: Being Accountable

This week, I talked about Wanting Recovery vs. Actually Recovering, specifically as those things relate to taking responsibility/being accountable + mastering self-awareness. It's a great topic for all folks, regardless of your recovery status or if you even have a history of an eating disorder.

How to Say NO and Not Feel Guilty

VERY important topic this week. HIGHLY important. VITAL.

How to Compliment Yourself!

This week's Wednesday video: How to Compliment Yourself! And it's only 1 minute. ONE minute. :-)

Stop Feeling Inferior!

This week's Wednesday video:

You're Invited to a Celebration!

Need a pick-me-up? This quick, bonus video might be just the thing for today:

Relapse: Remembering What You've Learned

Last week's Wednesday video recapping and encouraging:

RELAPSES versus Setbacks

This week's video details the difference between setbacks/slip-ups and relapses, but I also provide encouragement, prevention measures, and how to improve your awareness.

Being Kind to Yourself Through Physical/Mental Recovery

Important topic this week, folks.

We're starting a new 4 week rotation this week! (Set-backs / Relapse / Relapse-Prevention)

This week's topic:

Week of March 4 - 10 - Being kind to yourself when new to recovery. Recognizing the struggle that might persist even when you are physically and behaviorally improved. Having compassion for the struggle. Setting up a strong support network to work through it. Not being HARD on yourself for having a hard time with it.

And the Winners Are...

Joy C!
Thaleia K!
Christina Z!
Chloe F!

I chose the winners of my giveaway at random, as all the awareness stories I received were fabulous. I am so proud of all your efforts.

When Joy hears negative body talk she stops it and takes her nieces on Operation Beautiful note drops! Go, Joy!
  
Middle Eastern Dance (belly dance) helped with Thaleia's recovery, so she is excited to use that as a medium to raise awareness. She is planning a dance showcase that will raise money for one of my favorite ED associations. As part of the program, she will provide information and resources. Yay, Thaleia!

Christina got a tattoo of the National Eating Disorder Recovery symbol. Friends are often intrigued by what it means and she shares her story of success. She says she makes sure that she is never ashamed by what she has been though and makes sure people know they are not alone. She shares this blog with friends that are struggling and has made her voice heard in smaller venues such as with co-workers, in school assignments, and classroom chat. Thank you, Christina!

Chloe says in Northern Ireland there is little to no awareness of eating disorders, so she has arranged to meet with Fixers.org.uk to start her own campaign called 'Can you stomach it?' The campaign is all about eating disorders and the issues that surround them in her own country as well as other countries. She has written articles for her University magazine, started a blog, and has begun talking more openly about her eating disorder on Facebook and with people. Great work, Chloe!

Joy, Thaleia, Christina, and Chloe - Please send me a FB message, Twitter direct message, or email with your contact info so I can mail you your e/d awareness bracelet. If I do not hear from you by the end of the week, I will attempt to contact you directly, but I do not have an email address for all of you. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the jewelry!

For those of you who would like to purchase an eating disorder awareness bracelet, you can do so here at my friend Mellissa's Etsy shop: Noor's Handmade Products

Each of the winners of my giveaway will receive one of these 4 unique bracelets:

And remember - awareness can continue all year long!

EDAW13: Arielle Gives Voice to EDNOS

Technically from last year's EDAW, but still remains super important:

EDAW13: Hey, Girls! You Need to Hear This!

I know I've posted this video before, but Eating Disorder Awareness Week is coming to a close and it bears repeating. Eating disorders are not caused by the media or by society, but the media and society do perpetuate unhealthy ideals for women. Our girls get mixed messages. They start to hate themselves or feel unsure about themselves at a very young age. One of the most important things we can do is show our girls that they are special and amazing regardless of the mixed messages that are out there. It's not too late to educate them, to hold them close, to boost them up, and to help them realize their own greatness.

I made this video a couple of weeks ago and have gotten really positive feedback regarding it. This is my message to the girls of the world. I'm passionate about what I say in this video. It is a video I made specifically for girls...the fantastic, amazing, wonderful creatures who grow up to be women. So if you have a sister, a daughter, a niece, a granddaughter, a friend - show this to her. And if you're an adult and you need this for yourself tonight, that's fine too.

EDAW13: Go! Live! Choose Recovery!

Just a quick 45 second message:

EDAW13: Wednesday Warrior

This week's usual Wednesday video is up. The topic this week is "How You Can Use Your Voice." It's meant to be directly associated with Eating Disorder Awareness Week...but you know what? The best way you can REALLY use your voice is below... and it's important during EDAW and beyond.

EDAW13: Motivational Mash-Up!

Here it is - a BRAND NEW Motivational Mash-up for Eating Disorder Awareness Week. If you're in need of some kindhearted encouragement, this is for you.

EDAW13: Don't Wait, Accept the Invitation

It's brief. If you have 2 minutes, watch. And remember.

And don't forget to participate in Arielle's EDAW Giveaway if you want to win 1 of 4 eating disorder awareness bracelets. Details (and photos) here: http://tearstowords.blogspot.com/2013/02/arielles-eating-disorder-awareness.html

EDAW13: Sisterhood United

Those of you who have watched my Wednesday videos for years are probably aware that I am part of a collaboration on YouTube with other fantastic women who are working to help those with eating disorders. This weekend, I had the honor and privilege of being with Jenn (who makes videos on Saturday) and Rachel (who makes videos on Thursdays), as well as Caroline (who used to make videos for the channel years ago). I was also in the presence of another great activist, Kendra from Voice in Recovery.

For Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I plan to post a video every day. Day 1 of EDAW, you get this:

a beautiful video of 3 sisters from various locations coming together to laugh and smile and be silly. The friendship I have with Jenn is unparalleled and is only blossoming more and more. The friendship I have with Rachel has been 6 years running...and I only just met her on Saturday...because she lives in the UK. It's amazing that it finally happened.

While this video is extremely informal and has nothing to do with eating disorder advice, it's motivational in a simple way: it's 3 recovered women enjoying each other's presence, celebrating not only Eating Disorder Awareness Week, but friendship, sisterhood, and a life of FREEDOM!

You can have this.

Arielle's Eating Disorder Awareness Giveaway

I'm having a giveaway. Get ready!

Watch the brief video for instructions and get to it! :-)
Items provided by Noor's Handmade Products

I'm having a giveaway - to participate, send me a YT message, email, FB message, tweet, blog comment, or video with your brief awareness story!

Positive Changes

Hey, girls! You Need to Hear This!

I received an email from someone asking for advice on how to talk to a 12 year old girl about body dissatisfaction, comparisons to others, and negative self-worth. It got me thinking - like REALLY thinking - so I filmed an 8 minute video, specifically for girls. You know...those wonderful little creatures who grow up to be women. Do you have a daughter? A grand-daughter? A niece? A little sister? A student? If there is any girl in your life, this is what I want to tell her. This is what she needs to hear. It's not about eating disorders. It's about self-love. It's about life.

Anxiety Solutions

This week's video is on Anxiety Solutions. Anxiety often accompanies an eating disorder...and even recovery from an eating disorder. I discuss some useful tools for managing anxiety and remembering that you don't have to give anxiety all your power.

Stopping Yourself in the Midst of a Bad Decision

Last week, I talked about ways to stop yourself in the midst of a bad decision. I made a video in which I discussed some concrete ideas for re-training yourself, re-directing yourself, and understanding that what you're doing is destructive. The video targets unhealthy behaviors like binging, purging, and obsessive weighing on a scale. I recognize that not everyone with an eating disorder utilizes these unhealthy behaviors, as eating disorders are varied and as individual as the people who struggle with them... but I also know that many, many people out there are looking for applicable ways to help stop these behaviors.

Don't be hard on yourself. Allow the learning process. Don't berate yourself for failures. Instead, take pride in small accomplishments and in the very act of trying to change your bad behaviors. Effort is commendable.

I hope you can find the video helpful: Stopping Yourself in the Midst of a Bad Decision

Quick Lessons from Arielle

This week's video is comprised of some quick lessons. Take them to heart. :-)

A Little Reminder

For those of you who need a reminder:

An Appreciated Award

Last week, I was thrilled to receive an email from Jacquelyn Ekern, MS, LPC, Founder and Director of Eating Disorder Hope (EDH) naming me one of the Top 25 Eating Disorder Blogs! It's truly an honor.

Eating Disorder Hope’s mission is to offer hope, information and resources to individual eating disorder sufferers, their family members and treatment providers.

Actively Arielle will receive a feature and a link on their website distinguishing it as one of the best eating disorder blogs available on the internet. I am so appreciative.

Thanks, EDH! I look forward to further collaboration!

Be the Change

My shortest video EVER. It's only 30 seconds long.

The Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude. It's not a very big word, but it can do big things. I think to some, I sound cheesy and chirpy, like a happy little bird. But with a knowing smile, I just go on with my day...with my life...and I am content.

Back in October, I decided that I wanted a new project for 2013. I came up with Project Positive Thinking: Lessons & Gratitude. The plan was to start it January 1st, 2013 and when the new year came, I began! So I thought I'd share the idea and the link here; perhaps it will ignite some kind of gratitude project of your own.

What IS Project Positive Thinking?

I will record the most important thing I learn each day.
I will also record the thing for which I am most thankful each day.
By the time 2013 is over, I'll have a lovely list of lessons and gratitude. I'll be sharing these lessons and gratitude with you each day on my Project Positive Thinking blog, but I don't have to do it alone. Feel free to join me.

Video: Remembering the Realization

This week, I did a video about pushing through in recovery, even when you've been at it for a while. I reflect back upon my own experience, which is something I don't often do, as the topic asked for a personal slant.

A New Year of Gratitude