Mind Versus Body

How can you know what to do? Life can be so crazy and frustrating. It's so difficult to try to get a handle on something as complex as disordered eating. Especially if you've been disordered a long time. It's like a label, a mechanism for survival, and your mind is trapped inside of it.

As usual, I wish had magic comforting words. I wish I could say the things that would make you feel better and be able to do something with the situation.

If you’re really struggling, you don't have to know all the ins and outs of how to eat. You don't have to have this big plan that looms and feels so difficult to achieve. You just have to eat to sustain. It's not a long-term solution, but it's the beginning of one. Sustain yourself. You can worry about re-learning how to eat once you've gotten a handle on eating sufficiently enough to survive. Understand what I'm saying? At the very least, you need to give your body what it needs to function. To "fulfill" might seem tough for you; to "deprive" is much worse. So, "sustain." And when your body begins to thank you for nourishing it, you can let your mind pick up the slack and work on the other issues at hand.

Setting a big mountain of a goal for yourself isn't easy and can be daunting. Set some hills instead.

When you don't eat properly, your mind works against you. That's the best way I can think of to describe it. I always felt that way. It was amazing how much my mind seemed to "clear up" as I got better and better.

Sometimes, when you're at the end of your rope, the best thing you can do is NOT think. Don't think. Just do. Just try to eat. Just try. And deal with the aftermath when your mind is better able to deal with it (i.e. after it's been fed). It's a struggle and you may have negative emotions afterwards, but it's better than slowly dying or making yourself more and more ill...because taking a step backward every day is no way to climb a hill.

It's a lot easier to make yourself feel better mentally once you are doing better physically. You have to make your strongest voice become your true and only voice. It takes a lot of work and perseverance, but you can do it if you really want it. It's okay to have feelings of despair as long as those feelings don't cause defeat. And if you don't give in to defeat, those negative feelings will eventually dissipate.

You're already fighting a battle with your eating disorder. You don't need another battle going on inside yourself. It's already You Versus Eating Disorder. Don't let it be Mind Versus Body too.

Unlimited Chances

There's no such thing as giving yourself too many chances. You yourself are the only one who can give YOU as many chances as you want or need. There is no limit to chances. There is no maximum.

I know how hard it is to even try. I used to have days where I just didn't care about a damn thing. I just wanted everything to stop and leave me to sit with myself and fade away into nothingness. I used to cry until the tears wouldn't come anymore because I had used them all up.

I got sick and tired of it. I know you're probably sick and tired of it now...maybe you've BEEN sick and tired of it for a long time...maybe you're even sick and tired of being sick and tired...

But maybe there’s something missing... Perhaps you’re sick and tired, but unfortunately, too tired to do anything about it. That's defeat. Don't allow yourself to be defeated. It's too easy. You're worth so much more than that.

In any case, I know it can feel too hard to even begin to try some days...because it's the same old story. The same old song and dance. To just keep on keeping on...to just keep on trying again and again. If you've been through this so many times and have been fighting for so long, it gets old and it gets worse.

That's the bad news.

The good news is fighting back is the only way you're going to eventually get out of the hell. The good news is: there IS a way out. It's just really hard to find. But if you want out, you've got to look. And if you're still coming up short, you've got to KEEP looking.

Because the thing is, you're either going to burn out and fade away or you're going to start climbing that rope to safety and freedom and health and happiness. Those are the only two alternatives...because this awful state of struggling—even if it’s been going on for a long, long time—only lasts so long, my friend.

You need a change--and I don't mean a change in your attempts to recover. I mean a vacation from your normal way of living. Nothing eating disorder related. Just a plain and simple change. And a big one. Something to rip away the focus on your eating disorder, to force you to spend time reflecting on yourself, to simply BE and exist and breathe in the change that will surround you. And when you come back from this "vacation"--when you've implemented this change--you just might not be so tired and listless. You'll be fresher, clearer, and better able to put a new foot forward. Again.

A big change is the only way to get out of that sick-and-tired-don't-care attitude.

I'm not saying there's one answer for everyone. But time away, that mental "vacation" (in whatever respect is available and possible) from the same old daily life you have is beneficial. You can recharge, restart, and refresh. But it can't be something subtle. It has to be something big. Significant.

You have a lot of chances waiting. Take them.