Day #21: Healers with Heart

Since I essentially thanked my best friend, Libes, for her part in my past recovery from an eating disorder, today I'd like to thank my mom.

 

[2011. Isn't she lovely?]

She's a healer and caregiver in her own rite, besides being a mother. She's a registered nurse who worked on the psychiatric unit of a hospital for a a few years, then on the mother/baby unit of a hospital for several more years, then decided to become a certified school nurse. Now, she gets to enjoy her summers off and her weekends to herself. She is a woman of many talents; she sews, she paints, she collects sea glass, and is addicted to coffee.

In addition to the obviously healing role she has filled as a nurse for 3 decades, she was a caregiver to her elderly aunt (my great-aunt) for a large chunk of my childhood, and a caregiver to her father (my Grampy) who passed away in 2007. And of course, she raised my younger brother and me.

She's strong, she's capable, and she has a big heart.

She gives all of us (her best friend, my husband, my sister-in-law, my brother, me) gifts on HER birthday. She delights in our presence. Being a mom is priority for her.

But she's so much more.

I have always been close to my mother, so I'm sure when I was struggling with my eating disorder she was at a loss. She found me the best eating disorder specialist. She intervened when she thought I could use the push and stepped back when she thought I needed space. She has always supported me - through childhood ambitions, school undertakings, family troubles, my eating disorder, my marriage, my post-graduate education, my infertility problems. She spent her time, her energy, her money.

So many people would give their right arm for a mom like mine. I am so lucky.

She is one of the most non-judgmental people I know.

She is silly, but she is so smart.

She is funny, but she is honest.

She is my mom, but she is more than my mom. She's my consistent supporter, my friend, my cheerer-upper, my partner in crime (not literally of course!), my biggest fan.

Thanks, Mom.

[2011.]

Finding Comfortability

I always thought standing in front of surrounding mirrors, an alterations seamstress, my mom, and my mom's best friend--in my underwear--would be stressful. Well, it isn't anymore. I went for my first fitting for my wedding gown a couple weeks ago. It almost fits like a glove already and I love it. But besides that, I didn't mind the experience at all. Stripped down to my underwear at a healthy weight, I felt good and proud instead of anxious. I even told my mom's best friend, "I have boobs now!"

It's not as though this is a completely new revelation. I've been healthy for a year now, and on my way with recovery for about 2 years, but I've also been getting progressively healthier this past year. When I looked in that mirror a couple weeks back I was so glad that I could walk down the aisle for my wedding in less than 3 months and look the way I do now instead of the way I used to look. I couldn't stop smiling.

It's obvious that part of being comfortable in a situation in which your body is on display involves being comfortable with yourself. And by "yourself," that includes your body. I used to have mixed feelings about my body at best, but now I like it. Don't get me wrong--I still have mixed feelings at times--but I'm happy with myself now. God, I used to be miserable! Absolutely miserable and anxious. Now I feel like a completely new woman. I wouldn't call it a transformation as much as I'd call it an adaptation--a revision of myself. I'm still me...just a better me. A happier me. A healthier me.

I know this is going to sound lame...but...

It's cool. It's really cool.