My Claim to Shame

Mrs. M. at Weighing the Facts recently did a post on Shame--specifically how it related to the eating disorders of various individuals. I did a little write-up myself, which is here. Thought some might find it interesting...and maybe even helpful.

A Beautiful Birthday Gift

Yesterday was my birthday and my husband, Rick, got me the most wonderful and meaningful gift.

He bought me a recovery pendant from SpoonFedArt.Com: [url]http://www.spoonfedart.com/gallery/gallery.html[/url]

I have long loved the pendants on this site, but they are so expensive (for me) and therefore have never bought myself one. But my sweet Rick gave me one for my birthday and I swear I almost cried. It's beautiful. Check out her gallery.

THE PENDANTS ARE MADE OUT OF SPOONS as a meaningful way to express recovery from an eating disorder. Not only does she (the artist) support NEDA, but she is also quite talented... Each pendant is like it's own personal little painting. I love mine. If you go to the gallery, mine is the one called "Leap" because Rick said I am always leaping with life like a gazelle and that is how he thinks of me.

Just wanted to share. Here it is on me! You can't see the pendant very well, so definitely go to the site!

An Important Message

I'd like to share two quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson. They both really speak to me and hopefully they'll speak to you too. Plus, they're both really good ones to keep in mind when you're having a rough day.

 

The first:

 

"Be not the slave of your own past ... plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old."

 

For one, the very words sound refreshing, invigorating, renewing. The first part is the most important—"be not the slave of your own past." How many of us are right now being the slaves of our own pasts? What will it take to break that cycle, to change that thinking, to move forward? It's simple yet difficult: dive into life. Live. Go for it. Persevere. Revel in what's around you. And then, as Emerson tells us, we'll be renewed—we will have "self-respect" and "new power." Who doesn't want that? Doesn't it sound beautiful? Miraculous even? Yet, it can be accomplished. And when we have that new outlook, we'll be able to figure out the past the best way we can, and we'll be able—and ready—to move on.

 

Now for the second quote:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense."

 

I like this one even more. One of my own sayings I keep on a post-it at my desk is: "Today is what you make it. And tomorrow is always a new day." This quote by Emerson seems (to me) to go hand in hand with that mentality. Instead of beating yourself up for mistakes you made or setbacks that may have happened, instead of berating yourself for being the way you are, and instead of worrying over what happened in the course of the day—"finish each day and be done with it." There is no better advice than that. As Emerson says, "You have done what you could." Things may have happened that you didn't like, but forgetting them as soon as you can is a much better choice than dwelling on them and thus allowing them to hinder your progress for the days to follow. Each new morning, focus not on the day that has passed, but begin the new day "serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense." When the day begins, it is new and fresh and clean and blank. Don't mar such a glorious thing with bad feelings from the previous day; march on and make the day what you want it to be.

 

Artifacts by Arielle

I have a little side business--an artistic jewelry business--called Artifacts by Arielle.

I've started creating "Recovery Jewelry" for eating disorders.

There are currently only 13 items up for sale on my merchant website, but I hope to add more this week and continue to add more items as I create them.

The descriptions and extra photos on the website say more, but here's a sample:



You can find more here: Artifacts by Arielle The first category at the bottom of the main page is "Recovery Jewelry."

I have a message and I'm trying to spread it. A reminder you can wear is always a good thing.
Sending love to all.

When "Triggers" Attack

Where there is the greatest understanding, the pain can also be very great. Like if a friend's parent dies…and you can understand better than anyone else, because you have a parent that died too. You have a bond with the friend, but at the same time, you are triggered into sad memories and your thinking can bring you down.

 

I think living with an eating disorder can be very similar.

 

When you're in a vulnerable state, you might think of removing yourself from things simply so you won't be triggered, but I ask you to think again. Sometimes being vulnerable and breaking down a bit is something that has to happen in order for us to move forward. It has to happen for us to get anywhere on a long-term basis.

 

And let's face it, a long-term solution is the one you're after. Short-term just isn't going to cut it where an eating disorder is concerned.

 

Removing yourself may seem possible, beneficial, and even necessary. It's very easy to do well when there is nothing triggering you. But it's only going to be a short-term solution—because the world is triggering. And that will never change…unless we can learn to deal with the triggering problems as they happen.

 

I remember when I was a member of an eating disorder therapy group a few years ago. It was very hard not to compare myself to the other girls and very hard to stay positive when there was so much negativity bouncing around all the time. BUT I kept going, and as the group became more bonded, we were able to see a lot more about each other and about ourselves…and the triggering nature of everything became less and less. We were able to work with it—the triggering aspects of a group of girls thrown together, constantly comparing themselves to each other—and move forward.

 

The potential to be triggered by what others say, do, and look like is a big one. It's so easy to over-analyze, to feel more insecure, to compare ourselves to others. It's prevalent and it's going to happen. It's the nature of the disease and of our society. An eating disorder thrives off of triggering moments and situations. Be aware of this. Be prepared for this. You'll be less apt to destroy yourself and more apt to survive.

 

And so, my whole point is: Don't be afraid of being triggered. Because it's going to happen. Sooner or later, frequently or infrequently. Life is about knowing what you want and being able to turn the bad around. And that takes time. The sooner we can learn to deal with what upsets us and sets us off, the better off we will be. That's a fact.

Bravery and Boldness

To look straight into the face of pain and declare that you will prevail is not merely a display of courage; sometimes it's a true necessity. Getting thrown about in the waters of life is a circumstance that presents you with two options: thrash and swim and fight and reach shore OR let yourself drown. There is, actually, a middle option, but it's only a temporary solution. It is, nevertheless, better than drowning. And it is this: thrash and swim and fight and STAY AFLOAT until you can make it to shore.

 

Sometimes the shore is quite far away—off in the distance, glimmering like an unreachable mirage, so you can't be expected to reach it simply because you want to. But in time, you'll make it—if you manage to stay afloat and not give up.

 

So these are your options. Choose wisely.

 

Bravery and boldness are the essence of being able to prevail. Bravery and boldness will not just follow you. You have to channel them. They won't seek you out and they won't appear out of thin air. They may, in fact, seem to escape you when you need them most. You can't keep them in your back pocket, ready to pull them out a moment's notice.

 

Despite how elusive they seem, bravery and boldness can be learned—or found. And they can grow to be a part of you, so that the most you will have to do is tap into them when you have to fight your way in that troubling sea.

 

You have to realize that they exist—and that they exist for YOU. You're not an unlucky one—you have access to bravery and boldness, even if it's been taking you a while to find them. You have to think of bravery and boldness like a limb or some part of your body; they are part of you. Our arms are always there, but sometimes we don't use them. Bravery and boldness are like that. When faced with a difficulty/problem/pain/trying situation/despair/depression/failure/fear—you have to REMEMBER that bravery and boldness are there.

 

Just like your arms or your legs.

 

You know how people get so scared that they can't run?—even though they have legs? Or how people get so scared that they can't speak?—even though they have a voice?

 

Bravery and boldness are like that.

 

Don't forget to use them.

 

The Bigger Picture

It's easy to lose sight of the bigger picture when there's something you want to accomplish but aren't quite sure how to get there. Your mind can get overwhelmed with what you want to achieve, what you want to BE, what you want to feel. You can lose control. You can turn to tactics to make you feel better. You can try to make it through the day so as not to freak out.

You slip at times back to where you started. To the very things you want to get away from. But you're trying to make yourself feel better. It's a strange concept. But it happens.

Lose weight
Eat less
Throw up dinner
Use the diet pills
Use the laxatives
Harm, hurt
Gain back the control

I'm all about living in the now--but what will those things do for you in the long run?

Make you sick?
Slowly kill you?
Wreck your life?
Destroy your pride?

Don't forget to look at the big picture in terms of recovery. Take one day at a time...but be sure to have a happy, healthy life as your long term goal. Let it be your candle in the darkness, your flag waving in the distance, your lighthouse beacon showing you the way to shore.

If you focus too much on all the little steps of recovery and forget what it is you're shooting for (i.e. a new life) you're doing yourself a harsh injustice and making your already difficult journey that much harder.