Monday, November 29, 2010
Be Inspired All Year Long
A fellow blogger, Sandy of the blog toy with me, shared with me a fantastic calendar for a fantastic cause. You can read all about it (and see it and buy it) here and I hope you will. Words really cannot do justice to the theme of this calendar, so please check out her recent blog post "Why I'm Posing Naked. On a Horse" for more info. In short, she and other bloggers have posed in a beautiful and inspiring calendar to raise awareness of eating disorders and support the National Association of Eating Disorders in the process.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving Message from Arielle
For all the Americans out there, it's Thanksgiving Day today. Here's a message. :)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Don't Miss Out!
Just a quick reminder that I consistently do more videos than are posted here on the blog. In order to get notified of all the videos I do, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. I typically post on this site the Wednesday Warriors videos I make for a YouTube recovery collaboration, but that is a separate channel from my own and only a small portion of the eating disorder videos I create. I make recovery videos regularly- motivational, advice, and otherwise - and also respond to viewer questions, so make sure you're not missing out. :)
http://www.youtube.com/arielleleebair
http://www.youtube.com/arielleleebair
Video Catch-Up
A little behind providing you with the Wednesday videos, guys. Sorry about that. They are always up religiously on Wednesdays, but I sometimes forget to post them here too.
Here are my last 2 Wednesday videos. Topics are "What I Tell Others" and "High Expectations" respectively. I specifically recommend this week's video, in which I talk about dealing with our own high expectations, how to cut ourselves some slack, how to not set ourselves up for failure, and how to work with these expectations we've set for ourselves. It's something so many people struggle with and I'm glad I got to touch on it.
HIGH EXPECTATIONS
WHAT I TELL OTHERS
Here are my last 2 Wednesday videos. Topics are "What I Tell Others" and "High Expectations" respectively. I specifically recommend this week's video, in which I talk about dealing with our own high expectations, how to cut ourselves some slack, how to not set ourselves up for failure, and how to work with these expectations we've set for ourselves. It's something so many people struggle with and I'm glad I got to touch on it.
HIGH EXPECTATIONS
WHAT I TELL OTHERS
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Meals, Appetite, and a Few Suggestions
Allison asks,
“I recently fell into a relapse, and am trying with all my strength to pull myself out of the tailspin. I have begun eating again, but I can't help but feel the overwhelming feeling of failure every time I take a bite. I think about how ashamed I feel to be the size I am all day. I know that logically, the failure is in me NOT eating, rather than the other way around, but my disordered thinking won't let me be logical. How do I turn things around into being proud of myself for not restricting?”
I usually say “fake it ‘til you make it.” If you know that logically the right thing to do is eat and be proud of yourself, try to just do it without letting your mind make you do other things. If you begin to get down on yourself for eating, remind yourself that you are accomplishing SO much and that the more you eat, the better you will feel mentally and physically. Initially, the annoying things your head tells you are there, but the more you keep up with a routine of eating, the better you will be able to cope with that eating disorder voice.
You could start a rewards system for yourself to help associate feelings of pride with the right actions. For example, if you eat a meal, tell yourself you will get 15 minutes of downtime and pick something to do that you find enjoyable, fun, or relaxing. Or go bigger – if you eat 3 meals a day, reward yourself with something. If you do it for a week or more, allow yourself a gift. The rewards can be anything you want them to be – an hour surfing the internet instead of doing work, a new pair of shoes, etc. But if you set yourself to succeed and be kind to yourself after you’ve done so, you’ll be training your brain to understand what’s really worth it.
I’d also suggest my cell phone trick – if you haven’t heard me talk about it before, check it out here. You could use a message like, “Keep going – recovery is worth it” or something similar instead of what I suggest in that post. It might do the job nicely for some encouragement you don’t have to think about giving yourself.
-------------------------------------------------------
Ally asks,
“I am in recovery, and have been for a year. I am doing pretty well as far as not restricting. However, when I get stressed, I tend to lose my appetite. I know now to eat when I feel hungry, but what if I don't get hungry? I have also learned to not eat if I'm not hungry, so I can prevent binges. I don't ever intentionally not eat meals nowadays, but sometimes just realizing I haven't eaten that day can push me to think ‘Just a little more.’ and triggers me. How do I deal with loss of appetite?”
First – congrats on being in recovery for a year now. I think a lot of people tend to lose their appetites when they are stressed, myself included. Can you schedule time for your meals? I know it seems a bit like back-tracking to earlier in the recovery process, but it might help, especially if you’re stressed right now. That reminder to eat will help you to eat at times you know you should, whether you’re hungry or not. Set your cell phone to alarm at 8, noon, and 6 or whatever times work for you for meals – it can be like your “dinner bell” and remind you that you need to eat, even if you don’t feel hungry. Sometimes you have to go through the motions even if your heart isn’t in it, because unfortunately, if you don’t go through those motions, you might end up back in eating disorder land, even if it wasn’t your intention.
You don’t have to remember to set your alarms each day – do it now and set it to remind you daily. Then you can just focus on what you need to do and rest assured that, hungry or not, your phone will tell you when it’s time to eat.
As far as that triggering feeling when you do unintentionally skip a meal, you can try the tips from my response to the first question. Anything you can do to reinforce the positive stuff is always a step in the right direction.
You might find these old videos of mine helpful - they deal with the question: "Is it ever okay to overeat or skip meals in response to disturbing feelings? Normal eaters may reach for a candy bar when having a bad day, but they know eating is not a magical remedy for the downside of life. What distinguishes them from those with eating problems is that it is not a part of their everyday eating pattern. They dont beat themselves up, eat in secret, feel shame afterwards or swear to eat differently tomorrow. Their self-concept, self-esteem and general attitude have nothing to do with their behavior around food. Your (the viewers) work is to trust that youll gradually move towards eating more normally, and only rarely, eat or refuse food when youre upset (with absolutely no remorse!). The truth is it takes a lot of practice to sever the connection between feelings and feeding."
Is It Okay? Food & Feelings PART ONE
Is It Okay? Food & Feelings PART TWO
For those of you out there who are trying to figure out what being hungry really means and what good eating practices are, these videos of mine might help:
How to Eat When Hungry & Stop When Full PART ONE
How to Eat When Hungry & Stop When Full PART TWO
Like with the first question, if you can reward yourself in some small way for eating your meals, it will help you push through those times of lack of appetite. You have to push on through – especially when stress levels are high.
“I recently fell into a relapse, and am trying with all my strength to pull myself out of the tailspin. I have begun eating again, but I can't help but feel the overwhelming feeling of failure every time I take a bite. I think about how ashamed I feel to be the size I am all day. I know that logically, the failure is in me NOT eating, rather than the other way around, but my disordered thinking won't let me be logical. How do I turn things around into being proud of myself for not restricting?”
I usually say “fake it ‘til you make it.” If you know that logically the right thing to do is eat and be proud of yourself, try to just do it without letting your mind make you do other things. If you begin to get down on yourself for eating, remind yourself that you are accomplishing SO much and that the more you eat, the better you will feel mentally and physically. Initially, the annoying things your head tells you are there, but the more you keep up with a routine of eating, the better you will be able to cope with that eating disorder voice.
You could start a rewards system for yourself to help associate feelings of pride with the right actions. For example, if you eat a meal, tell yourself you will get 15 minutes of downtime and pick something to do that you find enjoyable, fun, or relaxing. Or go bigger – if you eat 3 meals a day, reward yourself with something. If you do it for a week or more, allow yourself a gift. The rewards can be anything you want them to be – an hour surfing the internet instead of doing work, a new pair of shoes, etc. But if you set yourself to succeed and be kind to yourself after you’ve done so, you’ll be training your brain to understand what’s really worth it.
I’d also suggest my cell phone trick – if you haven’t heard me talk about it before, check it out here. You could use a message like, “Keep going – recovery is worth it” or something similar instead of what I suggest in that post. It might do the job nicely for some encouragement you don’t have to think about giving yourself.
-------------------------------------------------------
Ally asks,
“I am in recovery, and have been for a year. I am doing pretty well as far as not restricting. However, when I get stressed, I tend to lose my appetite. I know now to eat when I feel hungry, but what if I don't get hungry? I have also learned to not eat if I'm not hungry, so I can prevent binges. I don't ever intentionally not eat meals nowadays, but sometimes just realizing I haven't eaten that day can push me to think ‘Just a little more.’ and triggers me. How do I deal with loss of appetite?”
First – congrats on being in recovery for a year now. I think a lot of people tend to lose their appetites when they are stressed, myself included. Can you schedule time for your meals? I know it seems a bit like back-tracking to earlier in the recovery process, but it might help, especially if you’re stressed right now. That reminder to eat will help you to eat at times you know you should, whether you’re hungry or not. Set your cell phone to alarm at 8, noon, and 6 or whatever times work for you for meals – it can be like your “dinner bell” and remind you that you need to eat, even if you don’t feel hungry. Sometimes you have to go through the motions even if your heart isn’t in it, because unfortunately, if you don’t go through those motions, you might end up back in eating disorder land, even if it wasn’t your intention.
You don’t have to remember to set your alarms each day – do it now and set it to remind you daily. Then you can just focus on what you need to do and rest assured that, hungry or not, your phone will tell you when it’s time to eat.
As far as that triggering feeling when you do unintentionally skip a meal, you can try the tips from my response to the first question. Anything you can do to reinforce the positive stuff is always a step in the right direction.
You might find these old videos of mine helpful - they deal with the question: "Is it ever okay to overeat or skip meals in response to disturbing feelings? Normal eaters may reach for a candy bar when having a bad day, but they know eating is not a magical remedy for the downside of life. What distinguishes them from those with eating problems is that it is not a part of their everyday eating pattern. They dont beat themselves up, eat in secret, feel shame afterwards or swear to eat differently tomorrow. Their self-concept, self-esteem and general attitude have nothing to do with their behavior around food. Your (the viewers) work is to trust that youll gradually move towards eating more normally, and only rarely, eat or refuse food when youre upset (with absolutely no remorse!). The truth is it takes a lot of practice to sever the connection between feelings and feeding."
Is It Okay? Food & Feelings PART ONE
Is It Okay? Food & Feelings PART TWO
For those of you out there who are trying to figure out what being hungry really means and what good eating practices are, these videos of mine might help:
How to Eat When Hungry & Stop When Full PART ONE
How to Eat When Hungry & Stop When Full PART TWO
Like with the first question, if you can reward yourself in some small way for eating your meals, it will help you push through those times of lack of appetite. You have to push on through – especially when stress levels are high.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Clothes, Shopping, & Eating Disorders
Here's this past week's Wednesday video. I've talked about this topic before, so I linked to 3 other videos of mine as well towards the end of the video if you are interested in further thoughts/advice/suggestions.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Meal Plans, Food Rituals & Other Tid-Bits
A reader asked me this question in an email recently, and I thought it might be helpful to many of you who are struggling with similar issues.
She asked:
"I am a weight restored anorexic (for 11months now) but occasionally struggle with self-harm, and more recently purging.
1. My psychologist who I see once a month (and cannot see any more frequently) is trying to help me expand my food repertoire as I've been stuck on a dietitian's meal plan for 2 years now. However, I have no idea what 'normal' meals are. There a million recipes on the internet but how do I know which one to choose? I do live with my mum, but I work in the evening and she works during the day so we miss each other at dinner. We never have a family meal together so I have no one to look to for ideas about what they eat.
2. I've been at a healthy weight for so long, but I still dislike the look of my body. Every day I look in the mirror to see if I've grown over weight overnight or not (as ridiculous as it seems). Do you personally like your body appearance or do you simply accept it as it is? (I've seen your 'comparison' video and that really helped me a lot to challenge the comparisons and I no longer compare myself to others).
3. I know your did a video on food rituals. I'm honest and say I still have some (food not touching on plate, order in which I eat my food, how I eat my sandwich, weighing most foods before eating them). However, I just wanted to ask whether it is OK to keep them? After all, they are not so bad that I cannot eat out with others (I regularly do) and I personally like them as they make me feel safe. They don't impact on my health, and I don't care if people will laugh at me.
4. I'm going to university next year. I believe you have got a degree/have studied in higher education and want to ask you whether you can give me advise on staying safe if you have a history of an ED? Obviously there are many changes: living away from home, being more independent, being with so many new faces etc. Any tips?"
My responses:
1 - Expanding meal options is always difficult. You're not alone. It might take some time to get adjusted and feel comfortable. Don't give up if you feel uncomfortable with the expansion the first few times (or even the first several). Is your dietitian able to help you with expanding? If you no longer see the dietitian and have simply been following a meal plan for a while, I would suggest making a few more appointments with the intent to healthfully and comfortably expand what you have already been doing. A dietitian will be able to tailor some meals for you and with you that are not part of a strict plan. He or she can hopefully give you some sample ideas you can try to incorporate.
Don't get stuck on the word "normal." There is no "normal" meal. Normal is something different to everyone and we all have different needs and likes. Try to list 5 foods you enjoy and see what's out there recipe wise for them. Forgetting about portion/calories/nutrition for a moment, print a few that look good to you and bring them to your psychologist (or dietician) and discuss. Getting their opinions can help you see if they look sufficient meal wise and may help validate your opinion of whether or not they are good meals for you.
2 - Yes, I do in fact like my body. At first, years ago when I first was putting on weight, I was just accepting it. But in time, I grew to like it and even love it. I know this might sound unbelievable - the women in my group often shake their heads at me in disbelief - but it's true. There was a time I could never imagine weighing what I do, because I thought it 1) impossible 2) thought I wouldn't be "me" and 3) thought it was too much. I stand corrected. :) I'm very happy with myself but it does take time, so be patient. You will get there.
3 - As for food rituals. I don't know that I'm qualified to say whether it's okay to keep them or not. My personal opinion is that they hold a person back, as they are still technically a piece of their disorder. Try to examine WHY you are keeping them or want to keep them. WANTING to keep them indicates that they make you feel safe or comfortable and that is not necessarily a good thing, but ideally (to be truly recovered) you should be able to get more and more out of your comfort zone until you can eating "normally." If the food rituals are like a security blanket for you, eventually it will be time to let go and move beyond them. That time may not be now if you have other things to focus on first. It is all about progress, Diana. If your intent is to progress in recovery, do not intend to hold on to your food rituals. Realize that they are just coping mechanisms for feeling comfortable in situations. That said, don't get hung up on this issue - you are clearly doing well in your recovery and this does not seem like a priority at the moment.
She asked:
"I am a weight restored anorexic (for 11months now) but occasionally struggle with self-harm, and more recently purging.
1. My psychologist who I see once a month (and cannot see any more frequently) is trying to help me expand my food repertoire as I've been stuck on a dietitian's meal plan for 2 years now. However, I have no idea what 'normal' meals are. There a million recipes on the internet but how do I know which one to choose? I do live with my mum, but I work in the evening and she works during the day so we miss each other at dinner. We never have a family meal together so I have no one to look to for ideas about what they eat.
2. I've been at a healthy weight for so long, but I still dislike the look of my body. Every day I look in the mirror to see if I've grown over weight overnight or not (as ridiculous as it seems). Do you personally like your body appearance or do you simply accept it as it is? (I've seen your 'comparison' video and that really helped me a lot to challenge the comparisons and I no longer compare myself to others).
3. I know your did a video on food rituals. I'm honest and say I still have some (food not touching on plate, order in which I eat my food, how I eat my sandwich, weighing most foods before eating them). However, I just wanted to ask whether it is OK to keep them? After all, they are not so bad that I cannot eat out with others (I regularly do) and I personally like them as they make me feel safe. They don't impact on my health, and I don't care if people will laugh at me.
4. I'm going to university next year. I believe you have got a degree/have studied in higher education and want to ask you whether you can give me advise on staying safe if you have a history of an ED? Obviously there are many changes: living away from home, being more independent, being with so many new faces etc. Any tips?"
My responses:
1 - Expanding meal options is always difficult. You're not alone. It might take some time to get adjusted and feel comfortable. Don't give up if you feel uncomfortable with the expansion the first few times (or even the first several). Is your dietitian able to help you with expanding? If you no longer see the dietitian and have simply been following a meal plan for a while, I would suggest making a few more appointments with the intent to healthfully and comfortably expand what you have already been doing. A dietitian will be able to tailor some meals for you and with you that are not part of a strict plan. He or she can hopefully give you some sample ideas you can try to incorporate.
Don't get stuck on the word "normal." There is no "normal" meal. Normal is something different to everyone and we all have different needs and likes. Try to list 5 foods you enjoy and see what's out there recipe wise for them. Forgetting about portion/calories/nutrition for a moment, print a few that look good to you and bring them to your psychologist (or dietician) and discuss. Getting their opinions can help you see if they look sufficient meal wise and may help validate your opinion of whether or not they are good meals for you.
2 - Yes, I do in fact like my body. At first, years ago when I first was putting on weight, I was just accepting it. But in time, I grew to like it and even love it. I know this might sound unbelievable - the women in my group often shake their heads at me in disbelief - but it's true. There was a time I could never imagine weighing what I do, because I thought it 1) impossible 2) thought I wouldn't be "me" and 3) thought it was too much. I stand corrected. :) I'm very happy with myself but it does take time, so be patient. You will get there.
3 - As for food rituals. I don't know that I'm qualified to say whether it's okay to keep them or not. My personal opinion is that they hold a person back, as they are still technically a piece of their disorder. Try to examine WHY you are keeping them or want to keep them. WANTING to keep them indicates that they make you feel safe or comfortable and that is not necessarily a good thing, but ideally (to be truly recovered) you should be able to get more and more out of your comfort zone until you can eating "normally." If the food rituals are like a security blanket for you, eventually it will be time to let go and move beyond them. That time may not be now if you have other things to focus on first. It is all about progress, Diana. If your intent is to progress in recovery, do not intend to hold on to your food rituals. Realize that they are just coping mechanisms for feeling comfortable in situations. That said, don't get hung up on this issue - you are clearly doing well in your recovery and this does not seem like a priority at the moment.
4 - I did a video a long time ago about going away to university (college here): Coping with College
It's quite an old video (when my video camera still gave me a lisp and I was fairly new to the YouTube community). I think you'll find that it will answer what you are asking. I know there are differences between the school systems here and where you are, but the concepts I talk about are the same. I started college/university in 2002 and definitely understand where you are coming from. I graduated with a degree in 2006 so it's a bit in my past, but I well remember what it was like. :)
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