Spreading the Self-Love

There is a trail in my neighborhood that people use for walking and running. It's beautiful--especially in the fall. I have often seen people (mostly women) running there, so it seemed as good a place as any to post a body positive note.

On Thursday, I went for a little run myself, with a pre-written Post-It note in hand. It read:
You are beautiful just as you are. Love your body. I added webiteback.com's web address and my own.

I used a small tack to attach it to a tree that was prominently displayed. (It was a very small tack; I didn't hurt the tree at all.) I ran up to the other end of the trail and as I came to the end, a woman--a very, very, very thin woman--was passing me, heading in the direction of my strategically placed Post-It.

I ran home feeling good.

Arielle

To Me

Again, I wrote this about 2 years ago. This is like the letter to myself I posted earlier (below), except this is a poem and it's not necessarily to me as a child, but it does speak to the child that is IN me. I love this poem, because I say all the right things...to myself.

I need to tell you what to do--
Ask it fast and mean it true--
It's for me and it's for you:
Help yourself--it's helping two...
You and me and me and you.

I need to give you what you need,
Bandage up your wounds that bleed,
Hold you up so you succeed.
Stop and know it is not greed--
When it is time you will be freed.

Believe, achieve, receive, and grieve
For all of You that you deceive.
Reply and try--do not deny...
Above all, do not leave.

I need to hold you close to me--
Breasts and bones and dignity,
Curly hair and eyes of blue,
Because you're me and I am you.
Reaching fingers, awkward knees,
Jutting ribs, despondency...
Aching heart and tired head,
Little soul once so well fed...
I need to hold you close to me--
Precocious words and empathy,
Dreams and love and weight and pain,
Creativity and shame...
Promises and fragile skin,
Song and breath and smile and sin...
Panic, pressure, lies and fears,
Worries, wishes, fits, and tears.
I need to hold you close to me--
The loneliness, anxiety,
Feelings old and feelings new,
Because you're me and I am you.

(c) Arielle Lee Becker 2005

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If you'd like to share your own poetry or letter (or anything for that matter), check out Tell Your Tale Tuesdays. I'd love to hear from you!

Letter to Myself

I wrote this letter to myself about 2 years ago. (There's definitely a pattern of 2 years ago being the time I decided to turn my life in a new and better direction.) It's sort of to me as a child and sort of to me just as me. I knew that little Arielle needed some comforting words. This letter made me smile and it made me cry. I look back on it sometimes to remind myself that I am taking care of her and how much that means.

Arielle,

Don't be afraid. I'll carry you quietly, because you need complete and unconditional love--and my arms will be full of enough understanding that I won't have to use words.

I'll show you what it is to live for you and not for others and what they say and do. I'll let you cry when you need to without feeling ashamed and I'll comfort you like a blanket that soothes all your troubles, worries, and aching limbs. I'll let you stretch into a woman and prove to you how great it can be when you accept yourself and all the changes that go along with being you.

I'll travel great distances to listen to what you have to say. I'll never make you feel alone, unwanted, slighted, or misunderstood. I'll let you be mature when you want to be and I'll let you be a child when it helps you to heal. I'll make promises and I won't break them.

I'll brush your hair. I'll rub your back. I'll sing you songs. I'll nourish you. I won't suppress you--or second-guess you--or leave you. I am invested in you.

You are important to me...because you are me.

Love, Arielle

Fight the Good Fight

I wrote this about 2 years ago. It's what I call "stream of consciousness" prose poetry. I write a lot of it and it just flows. It seemed a fitting thing to post today and here's why:

I had lunch at a large Mexican restaurant today with co-workers. When I went to the Ladies' Room, I decided to leave a note in one of the bathroom stalls that read, "Beauty is not a state of body. It's a state of mind. Love your body," with webiteback.com's web address at the bottom. I keep a little package of post-it notes in my handbag in case I am ever out somewhere I'd like to leave a positive note for someone else to find. There was a party of 60 (yes, 60) teenagers in the restaurant and as I was leaving the Ladies' Room a whole mob of teenage girls went in. I know one of them (or several of them) found my note and it made me happy. Everyone--eating disordered or not--needs a little positive reinforcement every now and then.

But anyway, here's Fight the Good Fight.

Fight the good fight, know the wrong right, fill the void and see the light. Here I go, again and new, fresh, awake, alive and true. Passing by the life I know and focusing on where to go, for I will follow where I’m needed—paths are taken, prayers are heeded. Brain’s mad switch is flicked off…on…I’m not here but I’m not gone... jittery and full of life, I need to live before I die. I need to find the reasons why and cry and sigh and say I tried. Dipped inside a vat of pain, I know I gain when I remain a seer of the songs of old and preacher of the words I hold. Along the sky I write my voice, in ink of breath…a thought, a choice. And still I’m waiting...day’s sad end has seen me weep but still I bend. My words I send to you and yours, alone I smile as my heart soars. I know it pours. Water? Blood? My soul? My life? It pours, now cut through like a knife. And still I say, away away, fight the good fight, know the wrong right, fill the void and see the light. Flickers of the sky’s dark space—it really makes you know your place—and will erase the pain you felt when all those others cruelly dealt their blows to you and all your soul, just breaking you, and you were whole, but pieces looked about to fall and so we’ll catch them, one and all. The sky knows best, it does not rest, and I protest…never. Fight the good fight, know the wrong right, fill the void and see the light.

(c) Arielle Lee Becker 2005

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I hope you are all having a good week (and if you're not, I hope it gets better), and don't forget about Tell Your Tale Tuesdays.

Arielle

Tell Your Tale Tuesdays

I'd like to start something new: Tell Your Tale Tuesdays.

Each Tuesday, instead of a post from me, I will post YOUR words. All you have to do (if you're interested, that is) is email me at: arielle.becker@gmail.com. What to say? Tell me your story. share a poem or a rant. Write me a letter. Tell me what's bothering you this week. Explain a problem you're dealing with. Ask me a question. WHATEVER YOU WANT. They are your words, after all. Who's to say what you can and can't write?

I don't (and won't) pretend to be a therapist, but I will gladly respond to each story, poem, rant, letter, problem, question, etc. So, if you want to see your words on the site, feel free to email me and watch for your words on Tuesdays. You can ask to have your words posted as "Anonymous" if that feels more comfortable to you. If you'd rather NOT have your words posted, that's completely fine! You can always email me a question or story, etc. and I will respond to you via email privately. Just let me know you don't want your words to appear on the site or if you'd like them posted with your name or anonymously.

I think this (Tell Your Tale Tuesdays) will be not only cathartic, but beneifical in other ways as well. By sharing, we can keep understanding and by turning your tears to words you will be empowering yourself and those who read here. Besides, it will be a great way to "meet" and feel less alone.

I can't wait to hear from you!

Arielle

Validation

Earlier this week, I responded to a post at Survivors' Club. It got me thinking.

The post was about validation, needing it, and how to cope. Many people with eating disorders seek validation from others. It's as though their own opinions aren't valid enough. We seek to be what we think will bring us praise from others. Many of us do great things, think "hey I did a pretty good job," then automatically think our own thoughts of validation are not good enough. Accomplishing things can be tough when you constantly look for validation from others. Remember this: It matters most what YOU think and how YOU feel.

But in any case, I came up with a pretty decent way of coping. It's at least worth a shot; it may not work for everyone, but it's certainly a new spin on positive reinforcement. I work through this issue of seeking validation often, and I've discovered something that is helpful. No matter how well I think I have done at something, no matter how much I think I have accomplished, or no matter how much I know that my accomplishment is a good one, I continually seek validation from others. I'm a people-pleaser. I want to be the best. I'm a perfectionist. I know a lot of us are.

So here it is. My little thought that's turned into more...

I know it might sound completely strange, but try to think of yourself as multiple people for a few minutes each day or when you have accomplished something and are seeking validation. Write down your "selves" if it helps. (You will see them more clearly and won't forget anyone!) For example, I would have these:

Me the Writer
Me the Woman
Me the Caseworker
Me the Fiancee
Me the Daughter
Me the Sister
Me the Friend
Me the Artist
Etc.

Figure out all the things you are--and just make them separate selves for a moment. See them all in their own light. Let them separate and become more than one entity. Then see how each of them would react to your current achievement or accomplishment. What would Me the Writer think? What would Me the Daughter think? Etc. It will be (and feel) like validation from others, but really it will be validation from yourself. And trust me, YOU are the essence of any of your own accomplishments, so it's only natural and proper that your own opinion matter most.

This trick is different than just thinking, "Well, I think I did okay/pretty good," since we all know the "I" doesn't always seem like enough validation. So, by making the "I" multiple people, you can feel better in certain cases. At the very least, it seems like a good exercise to practice now and then...and by doing so you will start to feel more and more appreciative and accepting of your own thoughts and opinions. Self-validation, my friends! Easier said than done, I know...

So, try it. You never know what a good start it might be.

Best of luck as always!

Arielle

Starting High School, Starting College

Found this article earlier this week. I know it's a bit of a generalization (as most things are), but I basically agree with it. I know for me, starting college was what made my eating disorder "come out," so to speak. This article doesn't have too much of a point, but it does prove that eating disorders are being recognized, so I'm very glad of that.

Any thoughts about this?

Arielle