Addressing the Tunnel

It’s funny how you can grow to know yourself as a person—a whole person—and like what you know. It’s a fun discovery sometimes, to dip into the soul of someone who’s been with you all along, but never really seen as a complete entity. It’s so easy to know yourself as depressed, or crazy, or worried, or anxious—or as a body. But to really know yourself for what you are—totally—is something altogether fascinating. Of course, you may not like everything you learn about yourself, but we all have faults and discrepancies within ourselves. It’s only natural to find yourself imperfect. But you know, it’s true what your teachers always used to say: “Nobody’s perfect.” But you can be good at being you. You can be real.

I list a lot of techniques and strategies for a recovery-helpful lifestyle on this blog, all of which I feel strongly about, but when it comes right down to it, you have to be willing to go into yourself and feel. And then get rid of the bullshit. And the voices from others. And the worry. And the self-pity. And the not feeling good enough. And only then will you be able to get rid of the pain.

The right path is never the easiest one, you know. And the more you struggle, the better you will feel when you’ve overcome what it is that is bringing you down. In essence, everything worth fighting for starts with a struggle. And believe me, your health and your happiness are definitely worth fighting for. I may not have known at the beginning that I would feel as good as I do, but I wouldn’t go back to that horrid beginning for anything. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And if you don’t see it yet, climb a little farther. And when you begin to see the glowing edges of that light, you will want with all your might to reach it and come out on the other side, free at last from the stifling and dark tunnel you’ve struggled through so long. It only makes sense, doesn’t it?

But as always, saying is easier than doing. Much easier. But every action starts with a thought. So let this post be your thought. And begin.

Extra Light.

Extra light in the room, pressure inside me. I think I need to break. Or is it ‘break out’? Hide and seek with my feelings has become a redundant game and I can’t think of new rules anymore. Sometimes sleepy-eyed thoughts find their way into my head like young children that need to be nurtured. Rhythmic chants and piles of dreams fill me with a feeling I find difficult—and difficult to explain. Senses fail, but one. Sight remains to streak my mind with visions needing words and sounds and smells and touch and taste. Tempting trances overtake me; beauty longs to hold my hand. Tricks pretend and dreams unfold—reality escapes me. Where have I gone? A thousand tiny lights shine on me and inside me, and pretty soon I’m floating in a luminous sky. Overcome and overpowered, I stretch and reach and suddenly shoot forth, my fingertips sending me away away away—and further…until I skid to a stop in front of me…and leap inside.

(c) Arielle Lee Becker 2004

Please send me something for Tell Your Tale Tuesday. I've been getting so many nice emails for Tell Your Tale Tuesdays, but none yet for this week's! And tomorrow is Tuesday! Have a great week everyone.

Arielle

Mirror, Mirror...

Good morning, all! I hope this finds you well and ready to start a new week.

This is more of a helpful idea or tip than anything, but I find it extremely comforting and positive.

Try putting one (or more) positive or self-affirming quotes or sayings on your bathroom mirror. I know that for me, looking in the mirror used to bring on all kinds of negative words. When you look in the mirror, you inevitably think certain things about yourself. Having positive things up there on your mirror seriously helps. You see them and they remind you of your better self. I absolutely love it. When you do this, you seem positive sayings every day, multiple times a day. They get in your head. You begin to feel differently when you look in the mirror.

Try it!

These are the quotes/sayings that are on MY bathroom mirror. They've been there ever since I moved into my house. It's amazing what a little constant positive reinforcement can do!

"Beauty is not a state of body. It's a state of mind." This is one of my favorite sayings, so it needed to be on my mirror where I see it--and MYSELF--every day.

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." - Janis Joplin. One more reason to be a fan of J.J. This is such a smart quote. It really spoke to me when I first read it. Now it's there every day, speaking to me on my mirror, letting me know I should love myself.

Don't forget, you only have until this evening to email me whatever you'd like to share for Tell Your Tale Tuesday. My email is only a click away! (arielle.becker@gmail.com)

Arielle

Possible

I hope you all enjoyed the first ever Tell Your Tale Tuesday yesterday. I know I did. I found it very empowering and inspiring in such a simple way--which is so wonderful.

Here is something I wrote yesterday. I feel very strongly about it so I thought I'd share it with you. Just consider it a...mantra, of sorts. A declaration. A personal proclamation to take to heart.

Recovery is possible.
It's not a guarantee. It's a possibility. It's not simple. It is difficult and sometimes seems impossible. It's not a one-step process. It's a multi-step process complete with twists and turns and bending roads...and roads you didn't even know were there. It's not the same for everyone. It's not always a happy process. It's not always a sad process. It IS empowering. It's not about pleasing other people. It is not about them. It's about YOU. It's not about perfection. It IS about emotion. It IS about honesty. It IS about self-discovery and self-affirmation. It's not about what you don't have. It's about using what you've got. It's not about hiding. It's about finding and displaying. It's not a quick-fix. It's a lifelong plan set into motion by truth and nurturing and self-love. It's not about external factors or environment. It IS about what's within. It is not crazy. It IS real.
Recovery is possible.

When I first read this over last night, I really felt every word. When I re-read it over again this morning I felt every word even more. I think re-reading this "mantra" is a good way to keep things in perspective.

Maybe I should post this permanently on the site somewhere...

Have a great Halloween, everyone. You are all constantly in my thoughts.

Arielle

Sonnet for the Self

To go along with my post from yesterday, here is a poem I wrote within the last year or so. It's a sonnet (I call it "Sonnet for the Self"), for those of you who are into poetry. I've done a Shakespearean sonnet, which means it is written in iambic pentameter abab rhyme scheme...until the last 2 lines, which is an iambic pentameter couplet. That's a lot of English talk for those of you who could care less, but regardless, the poem has a good message.

Inside the mind, there is a little room.

It has a tiny lock and just one key.

Around it, doubt and shadows tend to loom,

But when the door is opened, truth goes free.

This little room—it houses all self-love.

Tear down the curtains; let the sunlight in.

No need to worry what you’re worthy of—

To love yourself can never be a sin.

Just bask beneath the rays of love and pride,

And never keep this bright room locked away.

Do not be meek or feel you have to hide—

Without self-love, true joy will never stay.

So give this room all that you have to give,

And you will always have a place to live.

(c) Arielle Lee Becker 2006

Remember, tomorrow is Tell Your Tale Tuesday, so if anyone else has anything they'd like to share, please email me by this evening.

Arielle

Fight the Good Fight

I wrote this about 2 years ago. It's what I call "stream of consciousness" prose poetry. I write a lot of it and it just flows. It seemed a fitting thing to post today and here's why:

I had lunch at a large Mexican restaurant today with co-workers. When I went to the Ladies' Room, I decided to leave a note in one of the bathroom stalls that read, "Beauty is not a state of body. It's a state of mind. Love your body," with webiteback.com's web address at the bottom. I keep a little package of post-it notes in my handbag in case I am ever out somewhere I'd like to leave a positive note for someone else to find. There was a party of 60 (yes, 60) teenagers in the restaurant and as I was leaving the Ladies' Room a whole mob of teenage girls went in. I know one of them (or several of them) found my note and it made me happy. Everyone--eating disordered or not--needs a little positive reinforcement every now and then.

But anyway, here's Fight the Good Fight.

Fight the good fight, know the wrong right, fill the void and see the light. Here I go, again and new, fresh, awake, alive and true. Passing by the life I know and focusing on where to go, for I will follow where I’m needed—paths are taken, prayers are heeded. Brain’s mad switch is flicked off…on…I’m not here but I’m not gone... jittery and full of life, I need to live before I die. I need to find the reasons why and cry and sigh and say I tried. Dipped inside a vat of pain, I know I gain when I remain a seer of the songs of old and preacher of the words I hold. Along the sky I write my voice, in ink of breath…a thought, a choice. And still I’m waiting...day’s sad end has seen me weep but still I bend. My words I send to you and yours, alone I smile as my heart soars. I know it pours. Water? Blood? My soul? My life? It pours, now cut through like a knife. And still I say, away away, fight the good fight, know the wrong right, fill the void and see the light. Flickers of the sky’s dark space—it really makes you know your place—and will erase the pain you felt when all those others cruelly dealt their blows to you and all your soul, just breaking you, and you were whole, but pieces looked about to fall and so we’ll catch them, one and all. The sky knows best, it does not rest, and I protest…never. Fight the good fight, know the wrong right, fill the void and see the light.

(c) Arielle Lee Becker 2005

***

I hope you are all having a good week (and if you're not, I hope it gets better), and don't forget about Tell Your Tale Tuesdays.

Arielle

Validation

Earlier this week, I responded to a post at Survivors' Club. It got me thinking.

The post was about validation, needing it, and how to cope. Many people with eating disorders seek validation from others. It's as though their own opinions aren't valid enough. We seek to be what we think will bring us praise from others. Many of us do great things, think "hey I did a pretty good job," then automatically think our own thoughts of validation are not good enough. Accomplishing things can be tough when you constantly look for validation from others. Remember this: It matters most what YOU think and how YOU feel.

But in any case, I came up with a pretty decent way of coping. It's at least worth a shot; it may not work for everyone, but it's certainly a new spin on positive reinforcement. I work through this issue of seeking validation often, and I've discovered something that is helpful. No matter how well I think I have done at something, no matter how much I think I have accomplished, or no matter how much I know that my accomplishment is a good one, I continually seek validation from others. I'm a people-pleaser. I want to be the best. I'm a perfectionist. I know a lot of us are.

So here it is. My little thought that's turned into more...

I know it might sound completely strange, but try to think of yourself as multiple people for a few minutes each day or when you have accomplished something and are seeking validation. Write down your "selves" if it helps. (You will see them more clearly and won't forget anyone!) For example, I would have these:

Me the Writer
Me the Woman
Me the Caseworker
Me the Fiancee
Me the Daughter
Me the Sister
Me the Friend
Me the Artist
Etc.

Figure out all the things you are--and just make them separate selves for a moment. See them all in their own light. Let them separate and become more than one entity. Then see how each of them would react to your current achievement or accomplishment. What would Me the Writer think? What would Me the Daughter think? Etc. It will be (and feel) like validation from others, but really it will be validation from yourself. And trust me, YOU are the essence of any of your own accomplishments, so it's only natural and proper that your own opinion matter most.

This trick is different than just thinking, "Well, I think I did okay/pretty good," since we all know the "I" doesn't always seem like enough validation. So, by making the "I" multiple people, you can feel better in certain cases. At the very least, it seems like a good exercise to practice now and then...and by doing so you will start to feel more and more appreciative and accepting of your own thoughts and opinions. Self-validation, my friends! Easier said than done, I know...

So, try it. You never know what a good start it might be.

Best of luck as always!

Arielle