Showing posts with label sharing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sharing. Show all posts
Monday, November 29, 2010
Be Inspired All Year Long
A fellow blogger, Sandy of the blog toy with me, shared with me a fantastic calendar for a fantastic cause. You can read all about it (and see it and buy it) here and I hope you will. Words really cannot do justice to the theme of this calendar, so please check out her recent blog post "Why I'm Posing Naked. On a Horse" for more info. In short, she and other bloggers have posed in a beautiful and inspiring calendar to raise awareness of eating disorders and support the National Association of Eating Disorders in the process.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Show & Tell: "The Healing Room"
Here is the fifth piece of art in my Calling All Art! Show & Tell and Giveaway. This piece is by Shawna Atkins aka. Ghost Girl and is called "The Healing Room."
[click for larger image]
[click for larger image]Shawna writes:
There's still more art to come, so stay tuned. :)
"The Healing Room is watercolor, watercolor pencil, ink, marker and charcoal on paper.
It is about letting go of the behavior that keeps you trapped and tied to your disorder...
The fingertips are outlined in red to represent the individual (no too fingerprints are alike) because although there are similarities, everyones recovery is personal and unique.
The mismatched butterflies are to show that imperfections can be okay. The Perfect Specimen ideal that we have in our heads and that we observe in the media is usually unreal. The truth is that each person is a patchwork of various experiences, hopes, and struggles that come together to make a one in a million beautiful imperfect individual.
Opening the window and letting go is the theme of this, even though it can be interpreted in different ways. I hope that anyone who may see it can make it have a positive meaning for them."
Can I just tell you how much I love this? Yes, actually, I can, because it's my blog. Well-freakin'-done, Shawna. This piece has SO much going on--in a very good way. It's bright, it's beautiful, and it's achingly artistic, yet it's so much more. It's full of feeling. I can sense the "letting go" and I totally get the message of this. I'm happy to see that the pain of this piece gets transformed into something positive, something freeing. The butterflies are beautiful symbolism and the words scrawled all over are the icing on the cake. Thanks again, Shawna (Atkins)/Ghost Girl - it's fantastic. You rose to the challenge. Look for your piece on the sidebar of my blog for the next month and consider yourself entered in the Giveaway. Here's the link to Shawna's blog: http://stellarscar.blogspot.com/.
Can I just tell you how much I love this? Yes, actually, I can, because it's my blog. Well-freakin'-done, Shawna. This piece has SO much going on--in a very good way. It's bright, it's beautiful, and it's achingly artistic, yet it's so much more. It's full of feeling. I can sense the "letting go" and I totally get the message of this. I'm happy to see that the pain of this piece gets transformed into something positive, something freeing. The butterflies are beautiful symbolism and the words scrawled all over are the icing on the cake. Thanks again, Shawna (Atkins)/Ghost Girl - it's fantastic. You rose to the challenge. Look for your piece on the sidebar of my blog for the next month and consider yourself entered in the Giveaway. Here's the link to Shawna's blog: http://stellarscar.blogspot.com/.
There's still more art to come, so stay tuned. :)
Monday, October 12, 2009
Question # 9: Eating Disorders & Dating
Question # 9 is the last one from Licketysplit.
"When you were dating at what point did you feel it was appropriate to bring up your ED? I don't want a guy to think I'm being deceptive or closed off (because realistically my ED is a pretty big part of my past and NOT talking about it at all can get difficult) But I don't really want to scare him off before he even gets to know me."
You've heard of intuitive eating.... try intuitive speaking.
Seriously.
I'm all about letting yourself feel when the time is right. You don't want to stress over how to tell and when to tell. When you are talking to the guy and the something comes up that makes you feel like opening up, you will know. You might not even be talking. One day, when you're with him, you can just sense that the time was right.
Maybe you're afraid that the time will never be right. If your mind isn't telling you to speak, then just hold off--go with your intuition--and wait as long as you feel is necessary. If you've entered into a serious relationship with him months down the road and still haven't felt the time was right, then you'll need to analyze your feelings and fears, but chances are that this won't happen.
There are the inevitable worries, like that someone may think you have too much baggage. And there’s the plain and simple fact that telling someone about your eating disorder is a weird thing to just bring up. But if you are feeling receptive towards the person, you will know when to tell...and what to tell...and if the person doesn't accept it as a part of you, or thinks it is too much baggage, then s/he isn't the person for you. I know that kind of sucks, but it's true. You'll want to be with someone who can understand and support you.
With my husband, when he wasn't my husband, I told him almost randomly. Not nonchalantly...but just as part of conversation. I didn't sit him down and tell him I needed to tell him something serious. I just felt that the time was right and the words rolled out of me.
I remember it well. It was very early on in our relationship. We were lying in his bed, not ready to sleep or do anything--just talking and holding each other, really enjoying the moment, sharing little pieces of ourselves. And I said, "I'll tell you something you don't know about me yet." (We were still learning things about each other.) "I suffered from anorexia and I'm doing okay now, but it was really difficult in the past." And then he looked at me—as a man will when you say something like that and he cares even remotely about you—and he looked like he wanted more of the story (obviously). So I just kind of told him a little about how I was recovering and dealing with things and that I considered myself to be doing really well, but that I still had a few weird habits (not behaviors), etc. (This was about 3 years ago.)
The best advice I can give you is not to think of it as something shameful. It's part of your past and its remains are still part of your present. It's like someone you're dating telling you about his/her childhood and how his/her father died, and what happened to the person from there. Just a different situation. You know?
My husband, back then, after I told him that...he was great and it wasn't a big deal at all...and what’s most interesting to note is that he told me about how his dad had left them (my husband, his younger brother, and their mom) back when my husband was 15, and about how he stopped being a straight A student and had next to no relationship with his dad until he was much older. That was a big thing to him, you know? Same as my past. Everyone has something they are worried about sharing. Everyone has a story that is something that don’t share with just anyone.
I’m going to go in another direction here for a moment even though Licketysplit didn’t mention this in her question. I think a lot of people can relate to what I’m about to discuss, though, and it’s completely relevant to the question at hand.
The other thing about dating someone who knows your history (or present issues) is that as the relationship deepens it’s important that your eating disorder not be a secret, because then you can always fall back on it when times are tough and no one is the wiser. It helps to have someone in your court, especially if that someone is becoming important in your life.
Telling everyone everything isn’t going to magically help you recover. But you have to be honest with yourself or you will never get anywhere. And sometimes, being honest with yourself means that you are more honest and open with others in your life. When it comes right down to it, the only one really INVOLVED in your recovery is YOU. Everyone else is just a support...or an instigator. A therapist is somehow “involved,” but not really in the process itself, as it takes place inside you; a therapist is only involved in helping and supporting you and offering knowledge. A significant other is somehow “involved,” but not really in the process itself, as it takes place inside you; a significant other is only involved in helping you and supporting you.
So much of eating disorders are tied up in secrecy—whether it’s about secrets you hold inside of you, or keeping the eating disorder secret and thereby hanging on to it and maintaining “control.” You don’t have to come clean about every little thing in order to recover, in order to date someone or maintain a stable long-term relationship.
There is secrecy that stems from saying that the past and there is moving on. They are very different. If you feel like you are keeping something hidden and can't get past it...and if keeping it from certain people hinders your recovery or makes it easier for you to fall back on the eating disorder, then it's secrecy. If you have done things in the past but don't go into detail about them with people in your life and you are trying to get past them AND are NOT keeping them a secret for the sole purpose of falling back on them, then perhaps it's not important that you spill the beans about it all. Does that make sense?
I'm fairly open when it comes to my past eating disorder behaviors and such, but I didn't make it a point to tell everyone in my life everything I ever did or struggled with. As long as I am being honest with MYSELF, and I could be honest with myself and determine if I was strong enough to plod ahead without going into detail about things, then it was good. If I was honest with myself and thought that I was holding things in for a particular reason, then I needed to assess that and go from there.
Back to the main concerns...
People worry about “how” to tell romantic interest. Does it need to be verbal? Person-to-person? Written down? A letter? An email? By bringing the new person to therapy with you?
I think it needs to be done in whatever way is going to make YOU feel better and more comfortable. You need to be comfortable with it. But you also need to take the plunge sometime and put your REAL self out there. People want to date a real person, not a fake one. And remember: the anticipation of telling someone is so much scarier than the actual conversation itself. How many times do we worry about something that is impending that we become stressed and upset and nervous and scared... but then when the actual situation is over, realize that it wasn’t nearly as bad as the build-up? Our emotions are what make us afraid. Relief will follow.
I'm recovered and in my opinion, recovery is a personal journey...and no two journeys are alike. So in order to fully recover, you need to work within yourself to do what feels right to you. We've all had different pasts and different behaviors and backgrounds...and recovery means different things for all of us. It's your call what you decide to tell, and when, and how.
There is no appropriate time. Or rather, the appropriate time will be different for all of us. For me, it happened very early on when I was dating Rick. But that was because the time felt right, I felt good with him, I wasn’t ashamed. I listened for the little bell of the “right moment of comfortability” and let it all out there. Be secure with yourself. Say what you need to say. And if s/he doesn’t react properly, you’ll do it again with the next person. We can only bank on ourselves. We cannot predict what others will say and do and think. We must “go with the flow,” take a deep breath, and have the hope that things will work out the way they’re meant to work out.
You'll know what to do. Go with your instincts and your intuition.
"When you were dating at what point did you feel it was appropriate to bring up your ED? I don't want a guy to think I'm being deceptive or closed off (because realistically my ED is a pretty big part of my past and NOT talking about it at all can get difficult) But I don't really want to scare him off before he even gets to know me."
You've heard of intuitive eating.... try intuitive speaking.
Seriously.
I'm all about letting yourself feel when the time is right. You don't want to stress over how to tell and when to tell. When you are talking to the guy and the something comes up that makes you feel like opening up, you will know. You might not even be talking. One day, when you're with him, you can just sense that the time was right.
Maybe you're afraid that the time will never be right. If your mind isn't telling you to speak, then just hold off--go with your intuition--and wait as long as you feel is necessary. If you've entered into a serious relationship with him months down the road and still haven't felt the time was right, then you'll need to analyze your feelings and fears, but chances are that this won't happen.
There are the inevitable worries, like that someone may think you have too much baggage. And there’s the plain and simple fact that telling someone about your eating disorder is a weird thing to just bring up. But if you are feeling receptive towards the person, you will know when to tell...and what to tell...and if the person doesn't accept it as a part of you, or thinks it is too much baggage, then s/he isn't the person for you. I know that kind of sucks, but it's true. You'll want to be with someone who can understand and support you.
With my husband, when he wasn't my husband, I told him almost randomly. Not nonchalantly...but just as part of conversation. I didn't sit him down and tell him I needed to tell him something serious. I just felt that the time was right and the words rolled out of me.
I remember it well. It was very early on in our relationship. We were lying in his bed, not ready to sleep or do anything--just talking and holding each other, really enjoying the moment, sharing little pieces of ourselves. And I said, "I'll tell you something you don't know about me yet." (We were still learning things about each other.) "I suffered from anorexia and I'm doing okay now, but it was really difficult in the past." And then he looked at me—as a man will when you say something like that and he cares even remotely about you—and he looked like he wanted more of the story (obviously). So I just kind of told him a little about how I was recovering and dealing with things and that I considered myself to be doing really well, but that I still had a few weird habits (not behaviors), etc. (This was about 3 years ago.)
The best advice I can give you is not to think of it as something shameful. It's part of your past and its remains are still part of your present. It's like someone you're dating telling you about his/her childhood and how his/her father died, and what happened to the person from there. Just a different situation. You know?
My husband, back then, after I told him that...he was great and it wasn't a big deal at all...and what’s most interesting to note is that he told me about how his dad had left them (my husband, his younger brother, and their mom) back when my husband was 15, and about how he stopped being a straight A student and had next to no relationship with his dad until he was much older. That was a big thing to him, you know? Same as my past. Everyone has something they are worried about sharing. Everyone has a story that is something that don’t share with just anyone.
I’m going to go in another direction here for a moment even though Licketysplit didn’t mention this in her question. I think a lot of people can relate to what I’m about to discuss, though, and it’s completely relevant to the question at hand.
The other thing about dating someone who knows your history (or present issues) is that as the relationship deepens it’s important that your eating disorder not be a secret, because then you can always fall back on it when times are tough and no one is the wiser. It helps to have someone in your court, especially if that someone is becoming important in your life.
Telling everyone everything isn’t going to magically help you recover. But you have to be honest with yourself or you will never get anywhere. And sometimes, being honest with yourself means that you are more honest and open with others in your life. When it comes right down to it, the only one really INVOLVED in your recovery is YOU. Everyone else is just a support...or an instigator. A therapist is somehow “involved,” but not really in the process itself, as it takes place inside you; a therapist is only involved in helping and supporting you and offering knowledge. A significant other is somehow “involved,” but not really in the process itself, as it takes place inside you; a significant other is only involved in helping you and supporting you.
So much of eating disorders are tied up in secrecy—whether it’s about secrets you hold inside of you, or keeping the eating disorder secret and thereby hanging on to it and maintaining “control.” You don’t have to come clean about every little thing in order to recover, in order to date someone or maintain a stable long-term relationship.
There is secrecy that stems from saying that the past and there is moving on. They are very different. If you feel like you are keeping something hidden and can't get past it...and if keeping it from certain people hinders your recovery or makes it easier for you to fall back on the eating disorder, then it's secrecy. If you have done things in the past but don't go into detail about them with people in your life and you are trying to get past them AND are NOT keeping them a secret for the sole purpose of falling back on them, then perhaps it's not important that you spill the beans about it all. Does that make sense?
I'm fairly open when it comes to my past eating disorder behaviors and such, but I didn't make it a point to tell everyone in my life everything I ever did or struggled with. As long as I am being honest with MYSELF, and I could be honest with myself and determine if I was strong enough to plod ahead without going into detail about things, then it was good. If I was honest with myself and thought that I was holding things in for a particular reason, then I needed to assess that and go from there.
Back to the main concerns...
People worry about “how” to tell romantic interest. Does it need to be verbal? Person-to-person? Written down? A letter? An email? By bringing the new person to therapy with you?
I think it needs to be done in whatever way is going to make YOU feel better and more comfortable. You need to be comfortable with it. But you also need to take the plunge sometime and put your REAL self out there. People want to date a real person, not a fake one. And remember: the anticipation of telling someone is so much scarier than the actual conversation itself. How many times do we worry about something that is impending that we become stressed and upset and nervous and scared... but then when the actual situation is over, realize that it wasn’t nearly as bad as the build-up? Our emotions are what make us afraid. Relief will follow.
I'm recovered and in my opinion, recovery is a personal journey...and no two journeys are alike. So in order to fully recover, you need to work within yourself to do what feels right to you. We've all had different pasts and different behaviors and backgrounds...and recovery means different things for all of us. It's your call what you decide to tell, and when, and how.
There is no appropriate time. Or rather, the appropriate time will be different for all of us. For me, it happened very early on when I was dating Rick. But that was because the time felt right, I felt good with him, I wasn’t ashamed. I listened for the little bell of the “right moment of comfortability” and let it all out there. Be secure with yourself. Say what you need to say. And if s/he doesn’t react properly, you’ll do it again with the next person. We can only bank on ourselves. We cannot predict what others will say and do and think. We must “go with the flow,” take a deep breath, and have the hope that things will work out the way they’re meant to work out.
You'll know what to do. Go with your instincts and your intuition.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Possible
I hope you all enjoyed the first ever Tell Your Tale Tuesday yesterday. I know I did. I found it very empowering and inspiring in such a simple way--which is so wonderful.
Here is something I wrote yesterday. I feel very strongly about it so I thought I'd share it with you. Just consider it a...mantra, of sorts. A declaration. A personal proclamation to take to heart.
Recovery is possible.
It's not a guarantee. It's a possibility. It's not simple. It is difficult and sometimes seems impossible. It's not a one-step process. It's a multi-step process complete with twists and turns and bending roads...and roads you didn't even know were there. It's not the same for everyone. It's not always a happy process. It's not always a sad process. It IS empowering. It's not about pleasing other people. It is not about them. It's about YOU. It's not about perfection. It IS about emotion. It IS about honesty. It IS about self-discovery and self-affirmation. It's not about what you don't have. It's about using what you've got. It's not about hiding. It's about finding and displaying. It's not a quick-fix. It's a lifelong plan set into motion by truth and nurturing and self-love. It's not about external factors or environment. It IS about what's within. It is not crazy. It IS real.
Recovery is possible.
When I first read this over last night, I really felt every word. When I re-read it over again this morning I felt every word even more. I think re-reading this "mantra" is a good way to keep things in perspective.
Maybe I should post this permanently on the site somewhere...
Have a great Halloween, everyone. You are all constantly in my thoughts.
Arielle
Here is something I wrote yesterday. I feel very strongly about it so I thought I'd share it with you. Just consider it a...mantra, of sorts. A declaration. A personal proclamation to take to heart.
Recovery is possible.
It's not a guarantee. It's a possibility. It's not simple. It is difficult and sometimes seems impossible. It's not a one-step process. It's a multi-step process complete with twists and turns and bending roads...and roads you didn't even know were there. It's not the same for everyone. It's not always a happy process. It's not always a sad process. It IS empowering. It's not about pleasing other people. It is not about them. It's about YOU. It's not about perfection. It IS about emotion. It IS about honesty. It IS about self-discovery and self-affirmation. It's not about what you don't have. It's about using what you've got. It's not about hiding. It's about finding and displaying. It's not a quick-fix. It's a lifelong plan set into motion by truth and nurturing and self-love. It's not about external factors or environment. It IS about what's within. It is not crazy. It IS real.
Recovery is possible.
When I first read this over last night, I really felt every word. When I re-read it over again this morning I felt every word even more. I think re-reading this "mantra" is a good way to keep things in perspective.
Maybe I should post this permanently on the site somewhere...
Have a great Halloween, everyone. You are all constantly in my thoughts.
Arielle
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Tell Your Tale Tuesday (# 1)
Welcome to the very first Tell Your Tale Tuesday! Thank you all for your wonderful emails. I loved hearing from you and I hope that more of you will share in the future. It doesn't matter how many times you email or submit anything...there is no limit. I want to hear anything and everything you have to say. Even if you only have a question, I'd be happy to answer.
This week, I received some wonderful poems...
Darling Downer by Tabetha
The pigeons cant fly with broken wings
My sinful greed for other things
Has led me to this double life
Smoke filled rooms
Stable+Simple Lives
Can't escape myself
Take me away to the unfamiliar
A moment
Where the sun is wet
The rain is dry
One moment less to live
One moment more to die
I need the stars
I need the night sky
I need the moon
I need you tonight
I love Tabetha's poem, because it is written with such heart and simplicity. She boldly states what she was feeling. In speaking to herself openly and honestly, she addresses a variety of things. She writes of life, escape, and need. Tabetha, I'm so glad you shared this with me (and all of us). I hope if you ever have anything else to share, ask, or tell, that you will do so. Your poem was the first one I received and I was delighted to read it and ponder it. Thank you, Tabetha!
***
the way it was by Sarah
I wish
I were back at your uncle's house at the end of the oak alley
The only one the Yankees didn't burn
Wisteria twining
Swimming in the creek, gasping at the chill
Sleeping on the porch
(Everything on the porch)
Joggling boards and hominy and bonfires
Hammocks and hunting dogs
I wish
For sweet tea and icy lemonade in mason jars
Fried green tomatoes and okra
Seersucker and white linen
Redbud blooming
Watching you dig a barbecue pit
Your mama's biscuits light as feathers
Barefooting
Capture the flag and horseshoes as the sun dips down
I wish
I could have my fortune told again in Jackson Square
Drink hot thick black chicory coffee with you
At midnight, just getting started
Air so heavy it settles on my skin
Creole tomatoes and duck gumbo and sleepy gators
Knowing what I wanted
Walking along a levee
Not being afraid
I wish
For Abita Purple Haze
Crawfish and corn and potatoes
Spread out on the Times-Pic
The streetcar clattering by
Kissing tourists for beads
Music everywhere
Dey all ax'd for you
I wish
For dirt roads
And red sandstone
Peaches still warm from the sun
Mint juleps and straw hats
Cotton bolls and Sundrop
Old Master every day
The way magnolias fill the air
And knowing who I was
I wish I'd done some things differently
Taken more chances
Lingered longer
Paid more attention
Worried less
About what I didn't have
And understanding what I had
Sarah's poem makes me feel good inside; it reaches down deep to get at all those pleasant memories. It has a distinct feeling of nostalgia and self-affirming daily happenings. What's more, this poem has a subtle and beautiful undertone of self-love. Though it's looking back on "the way it was," Sarah's poem shows that what once was is not forgotten...and in fact, is remembered with happiness. Though things may have changed into less beautiful times, the promise of feeling good is still there, because she felt it once. Thanks for sharing this, Sarah. I enjoyed it so much. Though your wonderful poem looks back on happier times with a sense of sadness in your "I wish" refrain, it's clear you have a positive attitude and a love for life. I hope you'll share again if the feeling moves you. I'd enjoy hearing from you in any sense.
***
I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far. Start sending in your words, thoughts, writings, poems, questions, comments, stories, etc. for next Tuesday! I'd love to hear from you!
Arielle
This week, I received some wonderful poems...
Darling Downer by Tabetha
The pigeons cant fly with broken wings
My sinful greed for other things
Has led me to this double life
Smoke filled rooms
Stable+Simple Lives
Can't escape myself
Take me away to the unfamiliar
A moment
Where the sun is wet
The rain is dry
One moment less to live
One moment more to die
I need the stars
I need the night sky
I need the moon
I need you tonight
I love Tabetha's poem, because it is written with such heart and simplicity. She boldly states what she was feeling. In speaking to herself openly and honestly, she addresses a variety of things. She writes of life, escape, and need. Tabetha, I'm so glad you shared this with me (and all of us). I hope if you ever have anything else to share, ask, or tell, that you will do so. Your poem was the first one I received and I was delighted to read it and ponder it. Thank you, Tabetha!
***
the way it was by Sarah
I wish
I were back at your uncle's house at the end of the oak alley
The only one the Yankees didn't burn
Wisteria twining
Swimming in the creek, gasping at the chill
Sleeping on the porch
(Everything on the porch)
Joggling boards and hominy and bonfires
Hammocks and hunting dogs
I wish
For sweet tea and icy lemonade in mason jars
Fried green tomatoes and okra
Seersucker and white linen
Redbud blooming
Watching you dig a barbecue pit
Your mama's biscuits light as feathers
Barefooting
Capture the flag and horseshoes as the sun dips down
I wish
I could have my fortune told again in Jackson Square
Drink hot thick black chicory coffee with you
At midnight, just getting started
Air so heavy it settles on my skin
Creole tomatoes and duck gumbo and sleepy gators
Knowing what I wanted
Walking along a levee
Not being afraid
I wish
For Abita Purple Haze
Crawfish and corn and potatoes
Spread out on the Times-Pic
The streetcar clattering by
Kissing tourists for beads
Music everywhere
Dey all ax'd for you
I wish
For dirt roads
And red sandstone
Peaches still warm from the sun
Mint juleps and straw hats
Cotton bolls and Sundrop
Old Master every day
The way magnolias fill the air
And knowing who I was
I wish I'd done some things differently
Taken more chances
Lingered longer
Paid more attention
Worried less
About what I didn't have
And understanding what I had
Sarah's poem makes me feel good inside; it reaches down deep to get at all those pleasant memories. It has a distinct feeling of nostalgia and self-affirming daily happenings. What's more, this poem has a subtle and beautiful undertone of self-love. Though it's looking back on "the way it was," Sarah's poem shows that what once was is not forgotten...and in fact, is remembered with happiness. Though things may have changed into less beautiful times, the promise of feeling good is still there, because she felt it once. Thanks for sharing this, Sarah. I enjoyed it so much. Though your wonderful poem looks back on happier times with a sense of sadness in your "I wish" refrain, it's clear you have a positive attitude and a love for life. I hope you'll share again if the feeling moves you. I'd enjoy hearing from you in any sense.
***
I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far. Start sending in your words, thoughts, writings, poems, questions, comments, stories, etc. for next Tuesday! I'd love to hear from you!
Arielle
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