Day #7: Forgotten Brothers

I can't tell you how many times I have had men or boys contact me for services in regards to eating disorders... and I've had to turn them away from the female-only support group I lead or provide them with the very minimal resources for men. I never end a conversation with one of these men without referring them elsewhere, but I always regret that there are not more places for men to go. What's more - even in some existing services, men may still feel unwelcome.

When people talk to me about eating disorders being a female problem, I try to educate them kindly - eating disorders are affecting more and more males. It's a harsh reality.

I can't imagine what it must be like to struggle with an eating disorder as a male - the horror and pain of the mental illness is terrible enough, but throw in the extra stigma of gender and these guys have got to feel even more alone than their female counterparts.

That's one of the things I try to emphasize when I do talk to men and boys with eating disorders: they are not alone. It may feel that way, but it's not true. And then I refer them to some GREAT guys out there who have struggled too - and who help other males and advocate for them!

...People like Sam Thomas and Nicholas Watts of Men Get Eating Disorders Too (MGEDT), an awesome organization working to end stigma and raise awareness, among other things!

...People like Patrick Bergstrom of I Chose to Live, a recovery movement with great resources for EVERYONE who wants to help those struggling with eating disorders.

These men choose not only to live healthily, but to BE A VOICE for other men. It's admirable and they will help create change.

So here's to our forgotten brothers - may you soon not be "forgotten" at all.

Day #1: I Write About Eating Disorders Because...

...because eating disorder recovery, advocacy, and activism is My Life's Work (and I'm not joking when I say that)...because I believe that Hope is where healing begins...because I love to share and teach and HELP.

While I may have a unique understanding as a recovered individual, I can also offer a professional perspective from a social work standpoint as well as that of an ANAD Support Group Leader, ANAD Resource Person, and speaker. I mold all of those together for my work as an Eating Disorder Recovery Blogger...and that work, though unpaid and on the web, is very important to me. Part of my blogging style is to post regular videos on specific eating disorder topics, because I recognize the impact of seeing the face (and hearing the voice) behind the words. I'm passionate and I'm passionate about showing my passion!

 I write about eating disorders because for me, every week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I want to give voice to pain, stigma, problems, hope, solutions, fear, education, encouragement, and celebration. I want to be a voice for those who are not able to use their own. I want to be a voice in order to show others what they can do to use theirs! Being a leader in this area is vital and fills my life with purpose. I write about eating disorders because I care about you, about the ones you love, about the society and the world at large.

I write about eating disorders because THERE IS A NEED.

I don't write for me. I write for YOU.

Move Along, but Not Alone...

So, EDAW has come to a close. I hope you've enjoyed the more frequent posting in honor of the TWO weeks I chose to represent EDAW (UK & US).

But remember, Every Week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week to Arielle.

To close, I'll leave you with this - A Lesson in Facts. It's an old video and it's short - but it's some good reinforcement to head into a new week.

Arielle's Letters to YOU

I'd like to direct your attention to the "Arielle's Letters to YOU" tab at the header of my site. It's a place where I compiled all my letters and main messages to you - the ones written directly to YOU.

You can click here to view Arielle's Letters to YOU. It seems appropriate to direct you there during Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I hope you'll give it a look. You don't have to read all the letters. You can read the ones that jump out at you, the ones you need.

On that page you will find the letters (from 2007 to 2012) entitled:

• You Are Invited to A Celebration (a post from last week in honor of EDAW and YOU)
• Dear Readers, You Are Not Alone
• You Are Beautiful
• What Gives You Hope?
• Appreciate Today
• An Important Message
• A Word to Worried Parents
• Letter to All
• The Rope
• You Are a Beautiful Flower
• I Invite You to Live

I hope you'll read them, take them to heart, and continue on this journey of life.

Arielle's Timeline to Freedom

Check it out. My Wednesday Warrior video this week is a little something different, to keep highlighting Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

Outcomes of an Eating Disorder, A Simple Chart

This is just something I wanted to share. Project "STOP Eating Disorders" put this up and I immediately liked it. It's on my Facebook Wall currently, for those of you who follow me there. It's SO, SO, SO simple, but it lays it all out clearly. You DO have options. But one is a lot better than the others. Take it to heart, today and every day. Let it sit in the back of your mind, the front of your mind, wherever you can keep it for right now.

Video: Arielle Talks About Shame

Sonnet for the Self

Inside the mind, there is a little room.

It has a tiny lock and just one key.

Around it, doubt and shadows tend to loom,

But when the door is opened, truth goes free.

This little room—it houses all self-love.

Tear down the curtains; let the sunlight in.

No need to worry what you’re worthy of—

To love yourself can never be a sin.

Just bask beneath the rays of love and pride,

And never keep this bright room locked away.

Do not be meek or feel you have to hide—

Without self-love, true joy will never stay.

So give this room all that you have to give,

And you will always have a place to live.

(c) Arielle Lee Bair 2006

Every Week is EDAW to Arielle

If you live in the UK, my Eating Disorder Awareness Week posts (a post a day this past week) probably seemed normal. If you live in the United States, you may have been confused. EDAW in the UK began February 20^th, 2012. EDAW in the USA begins February 26^th, 2012. If you live in Canada, I missed the boat. Apparently Canada’s EDAW is always the first week in February, though I know some of the time Canada adjusts for certain US events. If you live somewhere else besides the US or UK, you’re in luck – pick a week. :) My site is dedicated to eating disorder recovery/awareness for everyone.

At first I was puzzled by the fact that this year for some reason EDAW is different weeks depending on location, when usually it is one uniform week for all. But then I decided, this is actually a GOOD thing. Considering that I live in the US, I’m fairly well-integrated into several groups/orgs that originate in the UK. I am also a member of EDAN (Eating Disorder Activist Network), which is international. And I have several good friends in the UK. Furthermore, many of my readers/viewers are not US-based. So, as an American, I hopped on UK’s Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

Now that America’s EDAW is about to kick off, I’m just continuing my post-a-day theme and you’ll get 2 full weeks of concentrated eating disorder recovery/awareness posts.

In short, 2 weeks of EDAW is better than one!

But in discussing EDAW as a theme, I’d like to talk about something important: EDAW to me, is no different than any other week. Sure, I always jump on the bandwagon of extra recovery/awareness collaborations and sharing of special events in honor of the week. But if you visit my site, you know (and have probably known for a long, long time) that eating disorder recovery and awareness is what I talk about EVERY DAY. I don’t devote a week to it. Even while trying to be international, I don’t devote just 2 weeks to it. I devote my year to it... my LIFE to it.

In my world, EDAW goes on all year long. I do the same things during EDAW that I do every week – I speak about eating disorders, I write about them, I give advice, I lead groups, I answer emails and phone calls, I make self-help videos, I try to give hope.

I said in a video from earlier this week that EDAW is your time to shout out eating disorder awareness stuff from the rooftops. Well, that’s what I do each day. It’s my essence. I can’t take time off from something so incredibly important to me, because it’s not only important to me, it’s important for the WORLD.

This isn’t a post to show you how dedicated I am – this is me pledging to you that I will never stop speaking out about issues that are vital. I’m in this for the long haul and I want you to know that if you need to take a day, a week, a month, a year off from the cause, it’s okay – because I will always be here fighting for you and using my voice.

...Because one day I want EDAW to stand for Eating Disorder Awareness WORLD, not Week.

With love and (com)passion,

Arielle

Preparing for a Rocky Road & Facing Fear of Failure

Question: 

What's the mentality of a person who wants recovery?

Answer: 

 The mentality (of a person who wants recovery) is one that will do whatever it takes to be rid of the eating disorder. The mentality is one of determination, desire, and hope.

We may not all be pillars of strength—especially in our own minds—but that doesn't mean we don't have the drive and determination to get better. If you have the real desire to truly recover, it's within your reach. And if you have the hope that it can and will happen, it's waiting for you. Understand that first and foremost, and you have taken the first step. It's a mental step, sure, but it's a significant step.

If you try to walk up the steps and the first step at the bottom is missing, you're going to trip…or worse—you're going to slip right on through and fall harder.

Mold your mentality first. Understand that you can do it. Don't try, yet still in your heart of hearts think it's impossible. You won't get anywhere that way. You'll keep hitting road blocks.

That's not to say that a path of recovery is without obstacles just because you have the right mentality. The path of recovery is going to be a difficult one no matter what, but that doesn't mean you can't travel it—it just means you have to be prepared.

And you know what happens when you manage to get to the end of a long and rocky road: the reward is that much sweeter.

For those IN recovery, I think it's only natural to be afraid your eating disorder will come back...but the important thing is that if it ever DOES come back, you have the tools to fight it

Fear is only going to bring you down. It can take quite a while to be rid of an eating disorder, especially if it has been with you for a while, and no amount of relapses makes your recovery any less valid. It is a difficult fight, but you can do it. You’ll have good days and bad days. Just remember what you truly want. If recovery is your goal, you are already far along on your journey to a better life.

Bad days are inevitable, but you can pull through. Being afraid to slip back into your eating disorder can make you run closer to recovery, but if the fear becomes so great that one setback makes you doubt yourself, you need to recognize it and fight it.

Fear like this means you’re just waiting for your eating disorder to take hold of you again. It means you don’t think you can really get away from it. And in that case, you won’t.

We are all human and one setback does not negate all the hard work you put in up until that point. You aren't starting again at square one just because you had a setback. You are working towards something that is hard to achieve and it's only natural you will have slip-ups. If you recognize that you did something you didn't like, and feel bad over it, just get back on the road to recovery. That road is always waiting. That's all there is to it: putting a slip-up behind you. Many people with eating disorders have relapses (sometimes multiple relapses) before they feel they are recovered. Just keep hopping back on the track to your goal.

Think of it this way: If you want to get from California to New York and you drive 1,000 miles, then stop your car and therefore stop making progress, you don't have to start back at California to get on your way to New York again! You are still 1,000 miles of the way there. You may have stopped and therefore your trip will take more time, but you don't have to start over. Just get back in the car and keep going. You'll get there eventually. And you can stop as many times as you want.

Put more faith in yourself than in your eating disorder. Drive that car!

 

 I believe in you!

Giving Voice to EDNOS!

Break the Silence.

To Kick Off Eating Disorder Awareness Week...

I'd like to share the newest Motivational Mash-Up I've created so far. From time to time, I compile bits and pieces of what I call "key thoughts, concepts, and Arielle-isms," turn them into a short (only 3 or 4 minutes each) video, and send them out into the world to encourage.

I just made a brand new Motivational Mash-Up (#3) and thought that putting it out there might be a nice way to kick off National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

I plan to do my very best to create a post every single day of this important week. For now, I will start you all off this.

Links to the original Mash-Up and #2 are at the end of the video.

Be Inspired All Year Long

A fellow blogger, Sandy of the blog toy with me, shared with me a fantastic calendar for a fantastic cause. You can read all about it (and see it and buy it) here and I hope you will. Words really cannot do justice to the theme of this calendar, so please check out her recent blog post "Why I'm Posing Naked. On a Horse" for more info. In short, she and other bloggers have posed in a beautiful and inspiring calendar to raise awareness of eating disorders and support the National Association of Eating Disorders in the process.