"To the Girl"

A bonus video, just because.
It's a poem (c) 2008 I wanted to film - there's a much older version of me reciting this original work of mine that's floating around somewhere, but I wanted to do a newer one.
The original poem by me can be found in its written form here: To the Girl

Preparing for a Rocky Road & Facing Fear of Failure

Question: 

What's the mentality of a person who wants recovery?

Answer: 

 The mentality (of a person who wants recovery) is one that will do whatever it takes to be rid of the eating disorder. The mentality is one of determination, desire, and hope.

We may not all be pillars of strength—especially in our own minds—but that doesn't mean we don't have the drive and determination to get better. If you have the real desire to truly recover, it's within your reach. And if you have the hope that it can and will happen, it's waiting for you. Understand that first and foremost, and you have taken the first step. It's a mental step, sure, but it's a significant step.

If you try to walk up the steps and the first step at the bottom is missing, you're going to trip…or worse—you're going to slip right on through and fall harder.

Mold your mentality first. Understand that you can do it. Don't try, yet still in your heart of hearts think it's impossible. You won't get anywhere that way. You'll keep hitting road blocks.

That's not to say that a path of recovery is without obstacles just because you have the right mentality. The path of recovery is going to be a difficult one no matter what, but that doesn't mean you can't travel it—it just means you have to be prepared.

And you know what happens when you manage to get to the end of a long and rocky road: the reward is that much sweeter.

For those IN recovery, I think it's only natural to be afraid your eating disorder will come back...but the important thing is that if it ever DOES come back, you have the tools to fight it

Fear is only going to bring you down. It can take quite a while to be rid of an eating disorder, especially if it has been with you for a while, and no amount of relapses makes your recovery any less valid. It is a difficult fight, but you can do it. You’ll have good days and bad days. Just remember what you truly want. If recovery is your goal, you are already far along on your journey to a better life.

Bad days are inevitable, but you can pull through. Being afraid to slip back into your eating disorder can make you run closer to recovery, but if the fear becomes so great that one setback makes you doubt yourself, you need to recognize it and fight it.

Fear like this means you’re just waiting for your eating disorder to take hold of you again. It means you don’t think you can really get away from it. And in that case, you won’t.

We are all human and one setback does not negate all the hard work you put in up until that point. You aren't starting again at square one just because you had a setback. You are working towards something that is hard to achieve and it's only natural you will have slip-ups. If you recognize that you did something you didn't like, and feel bad over it, just get back on the road to recovery. That road is always waiting. That's all there is to it: putting a slip-up behind you. Many people with eating disorders have relapses (sometimes multiple relapses) before they feel they are recovered. Just keep hopping back on the track to your goal.

Think of it this way: If you want to get from California to New York and you drive 1,000 miles, then stop your car and therefore stop making progress, you don't have to start back at California to get on your way to New York again! You are still 1,000 miles of the way there. You may have stopped and therefore your trip will take more time, but you don't have to start over. Just get back in the car and keep going. You'll get there eventually. And you can stop as many times as you want.

Put more faith in yourself than in your eating disorder. Drive that car!

 

 I believe in you!

Follow Up On the Beauty Message Challenge

If you haven't already read my recent post on the Beauty Message Challenge, you can do so here. Then, here's a video in which I discuss my experience with the BMC and give both an update and a special message to all of you.


You are beautiful!

"So, What's YOUR Story?"

There is one question I get asked a lot. So I thought I'd answer it... slowly and in video form. I've had this blog for 3 years and I've never really given a play by play of my own history. I've touched on things here and there, mentioned details in reference to the advice I've given, and clearly explained that I recovered from anorexia, but I haven't really delved into all of it. It's not typically what I'm about. I mean, how many eating disorder memoirs are out there?

But I'm not ashamed and I'm an open book. :)

It will be in parts, because of the 10 minute time limit on videos.

Here we go...
This is my story (in a nutshell).

Memoir PART ONE

Show & Tell: Lily Mosaic

Here is the second piece of artwork in my Calling All Art! Show & Tell and Giveaway. This piece is by Serra and is a mosaic.

[click for a larger view]

Serra writes:

"My lily is my symbol of new beginnings and second chances. The white
lily symbolises innocence and purity which is what i have finally
found within myself in my recovery... I lost my innocence early in
life and searched for too long to make myself feel clean again, and
guess what? Once I began to accept myself and even like myself I
realised that I really was ok after all. I got married in February of
this year, and the lilies were my wedding flowers because of their
symbolism and because I was beginning a new healthy love filled life
with my amazing husband. Before my wedding I had these lilies tattooed
across my back and shoulders so I can always have them with me and
show the world that I'm back!"


Well done, Serra! What could be more beautiful than symbolism like that? The lily mosaic is not only truly lovely, it is also a symbol of what Serra has regained for herself: innocence and purity. This art shows that despite the pain of an eating disorder and the hardship of recovery, the outcome can still be a beautiful one. So often we hear about people who have made headway with their eating disorders, only to show the world a darker version of themselves. This art is proof that beauty can still be found, that all the hard work does not have to make you a harder person. I love the detail and the color of this piece, but I love the message even more. Who knew a lily could signify such strength and resilience? Thank you, Serra, for sharing your artwork with us. Look for it on the sidebar of my blog for the next month and consider yourself entered in the Giveaway! :)


If you'd like to enter the Giveaway and have your artwork displayed here, just click here for the instructions. I will accept artwork until the end of November. I can't wait to see all of your art!

(Not So) Dear Eating Disorder---

I'm furious at all the things that rise within and break my wings. The pain is great, the room is small, and I'm within it, standing tall. Yes, here I am--I give a damn--I'll give this door one final slam. I'm stronger than the past that's been--I call the shots; I'll tell you when! And if you think, unwanted guest, that one day soon you'll get the best of this young woman, I won't rest until you truly, finally see that you're just you but I am ME! I've learned too much, I've traveled far, and I know what you really are--so don't you for one second think that you will find that tiny chink within my armor, within my soul--I'm on to you, I'm in control! And as I live and breathe today, I vow to conquer every way the little bit of you that's left--and trust me, I won't feel bereft. I know the feeling freedom brings and with some healing, I'll have wings that work and move and fly again--I call the shots; I'll tell you when!


That one's for me and for all of you.

A Daily Reminder

I've programed my cell phone to alarm (silently) every morning at 9:00 AM in order to display a reminder message.

The daily reminder?

"I like myself."

Yes. That's what my phone tells me to remember.

Sometimes we all need reminding. I hear you--you're saying, "But I don't like myself." Well, if you don't like yourself yet, just wait. A few weeks of seeing that daily message and it might start to sink in.

Artifacts by Arielle

I have a little side business--an artistic jewelry business--called Artifacts by Arielle.

I've started creating "Recovery Jewelry" for eating disorders.

There are currently only 13 items up for sale on my merchant website, but I hope to add more this week and continue to add more items as I create them.

The descriptions and extra photos on the website say more, but here's a sample:



You can find more here: Artifacts by Arielle The first category at the bottom of the main page is "Recovery Jewelry."

I have a message and I'm trying to spread it. A reminder you can wear is always a good thing.
Sending love to all.