Be the Change

My shortest video EVER. It's only 30 seconds long.

Insecure

Something completely different for your Wednesday Warrior video this week: slam poetry from Arielle. It's doubling as a Wednesday Warrior video and a video in my new Poetry Series, simply because it can! We're currently doing a 4 week rotation on Acceptance, and this week's specific topic is Insecurities.

Enjoy! Take your power back!

Your Life Raft

Today, I thought I'd bring back a little post I first wrote 4 years ago by plumping it up, by revisiting it, by remembering it.. Today, I spoke to a group of women about eating disorders. We got on the very broad topic of 'this world in which we live.' It's a difficult place for people...especially for women. We throw around these terms: "society," "the media," "the diet industry," etc. And none of these things cause eating disorders. Eating disorders are mental illnesses. Yet, there are a lot of things out there that perpetuate the idea that it's all about the way you look. That it's all about what you wear, what size you are, how much you weigh... That it's all about your appearance.

Well I have news for you: there is a lot more to you than that. A LOT. And I hear you - I know you're being told left and right that there isn't. So it's hard to know what to think. I get that. And that's why: Appreciating Yourself is Your Life Raft in the Waters of Criticism.

That was the title of my 4-year-old post.

It’s easy to get swept up in the swirl of the world. You go to school or work and you see and hear things that make you feel inadequate. There are a lot of things out there that influence us, whether we like it or not. And in a lot of ways, it can be a good thing. Many of us have friends with whom we have a great time, family about whom we love and care, and things we enjoy doing, watching, or reading. And that’s okay. 

But when you already feel a certain way and suddenly you can feel that something around you is pulling you to feel another way, you need to stop and think for a minute. A minute is all it takes. You’ve heard the advice: “Go with your first instinct.” Well, in this case, you usually should. If something you see or hear or read makes you second guess how you FEEL about yourself, it’s best to examine it. 

Don’t get me wrong—it’s great when we see or hear or read something that makes us question our thoughts or our knowledge about something. It’s good to be open to other opinions, possibilities, and viewpoints. We can learn a lot by paying attention to the world around us. Just don’t let something make you feel like less of a person if you didn’t feel that way before.

If your peers are telling you something negative (that you’re fat, ugly, etc.) or worse—if your friends (which is questionable to say the least) are saying things that make you feel bad about the way you look—don’t let them bring you down to a place where you want to change to please them. Working to please others or to make others like you is no way to live and is, frankly, a recipe for disaster. At the end of the day, all you have is YOU.

Not all criticism is constructive.

Appreciating yourself is your life raft in the waters of criticism.

 

For girls and women, especially, life can become a competition. You want to be pretty, you want to be smart, you want to be thin. You want to make sure you are as good as everyone around you. Sometimes it can feel hard to measure up. Sometimes the people you’re trying to measure up against TELL you that you aren’t good enough in some way. You’re not pretty enough. You’re not smart enough. You’re not thin enough. Your clothes aren’t nice enough. Your job isn't good enough. Your grades aren't good enough.Your haircut isn’t cute enough. The list can be never-ending.

You’ll never be able to please everyone. And you’ll never be able to hold yourself above the water if you let other people pull you under. And drowning is a horrible way to die.

Really, it’s all about survival. You can’t let people--or things you see, hear, or read--get the better of you. If you read in a magazine that being a certain size makes you somehow less appealing to the world at large, but you felt okay about your size before you read it, listen to your first instinct—that you are fine the way you are. Don’t buy into the negative pull. If your friends, school peers, co-workers, and/or family say something that makes you feel negatively about yourself, just remember that what they say doesn’t determine what you are. And for everyone who says something that makes you feel bad, there may be just as many people who see you as great in a lot ways.

If you see an ad on TV and it makes you wonder if you should try to change yourself in some way, don’t let something you see for two minutes on TV influence you into thinking you’d be better off looking different. You have your own mind; use it.

Appreciating yourself is your life raft in the waters of criticism.

You write your own story. You can change anything you want or choose not to change. And you can add a new chapter whenever you feel like it. You don’t need something external telling you what and how to change. All throughout your life, people are going to offer their opinions whether you like it or not. Sometimes a person’s opinion will help you…and sometimes it will hurt you. It’s up to you to learn the difference. In fact, there are a lot of things out there in the world that can help us…and there are just as many things that can hinder us. A minute of thought can make a world of difference when it comes to deciding whether or not to think negatively about yourself.

When it comes right down to it, no one else anywhere is YOU. You are the only you. There’s no one out there like you. So you can’t go wrong looking the way you do. You can’t go wrong being what you are. You are you and that is the way you were meant to be. It’s okay and natural to feel unsure about the way you look sometimes, or to feel unsure about the things you think or do, but if you’re feeling good about yourself, don’t ever let anyone make you think differently. When you give in to a negative thought about yourself, you’re relinquishing a little piece of yourself. If you continue to do that, pretty soon you’ll have surrendered a lot of pieces. You’ll be weaker and more unsure than ever.

Appreciating yourself is your life raft in the waters of criticism.

It can get pretty difficult dealing with lots of things and people around you, especially if they are undermining your confidence in yourself. But you know what? It takes a very strong person to make it through and come out on top—to come out feeling okay. To come out knowing you are great just the way you are. To come out better because you know this.

Don’t give up on yourself. You have all the power.

How great is that?

YOU have all the power.

 

And you are beautiful - outside, inside, and everywhere in between. Just as you are.

Exit to Make a Return to Yourself

My fabulous friend Tracey, at Just As I Am, has been facilitating a great blogging program for interested bloggers in recovery. The weekly prompts can be found at Blogging for Wellbeing and it's a wonderful way for the eating disorder recovery community to gain support, share wisdom, and use their individual voices!

This week, I wanted to pop into the Blogging for Wellbeing mix with a little something.

Last week's blog prompt was "Self" and this week's is "Beauty." To me, those two go together, creating a union that is unstoppable. When I saw each of the blog prompts, I was reminded of a poem I wrote some years ago. Though the title of it is "Exit," it's really about beginning anew. "Exit" refers to leaving one thing in order to jump full-force into something better. To me, it's about the self and it's also about beauty... beauty OF the self, beauty of life, beauty of the power within. Thanks, Tracey, for reminding me of this poem and for the opportunity to share it with others.

Exit

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving like a flash of light

That shone once and was gone.

Safer to go than to stay,

Better to learn than to wait,

I’m going.  I’m flying.

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving and I’m coming back

A new woman.

Out of my life and into my dreams,

Born once again,

I’m running away.

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving like a gust of wind

You feel only for an instant.

I’m ready to jump,

I’m ready to fall,

I’m ready to go.

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving and I’m coming back

A new woman.

To care for myself,

To leap into the unexpected,

To grow like a flower in the rain.

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving like the moon leaves

In the morning light.

Like rain that falls from full clouds,

My thoughts cascade and flow

Into carved paths time digs into the ground.

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving and I’m coming back

A new woman.

Leaves fall and bloom again in spring;

So do our spirits fall, only to again

Be replenished with happiness.

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving like the seeds

Leave the swaying trees.

Like a seed, bursting from earth

So I have grown too,

A flower not yet fully blossomed.

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving and I’m coming back

A new woman.

Promise is there—

The promise to experience

With a face upturned toward the sun.

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving like yesterday

That turns into tomorrow.

Exit—here I go,

I’m leaving and I’m coming back

A new woman.

© Arielle Lee Bair 2006

Arielle's Word of the Day #29: MYSTERY

Life is a mystery. That's what makes it scary. That's what makes it wonderful. The beauty of it all is that we get to live the mystery one day at a time, together. We can do anything. Life is ours for the making. Mysteries abound.

We are all a mystery. To each other and to ourselves. That's what makes us scary. That's what makes us wonderful. The beauty of it all is that we get to live the mystery one day at a time, with ourselves, with each other. We can do anything. You can do anything. Life is ours for the making. Life is yours for the making.

GO!


Living the Mystery: Everyone is Looking

I am sharp, a polished statue

With eyeliner that speaks volumes

And hair that shines and falls

With perfect poise

Against the lapels of my suit jacket.

My smirk is confident,

My nods are important.

My nails are sleek,

My eyes are quick to discern.

I walk in brisk steps, heels click-clacking

On the hard floor.

Everyone is looking.

I am free, a hippie chick

With long, messed hair

That travels with me

And a singular smile

That proves I’m dancing

To the music in my head.

My swishing skirts

Follow my moves

As I walk in circles,

A book of poetry clutched in my hand,

Oblivious to the world around me.

Everyone is looking.

I am buzzed, a dance floor queen

With drink in hand

And hips that sway

To the beat of excitement and

The hum of the rhythm.

The darkness is loud

And the bright lights are

Calling to me

As I move each part of my body

With a passion.

My eyes are closed as I feel the song.

Everyone is looking.

I am rosy, a child in a meadow,

The green grass around me

And the blue sky above me.

My sunburned cheeks can

Feel my smile

As I twirl with abandon

And skip with delight.

My hair is wild,

My heart is light.

I wear a wreath of flowers

And my bare feet are brown.

Everyone is looking.

I am mystery, a mermaid in the water,

Sleek and supple,

Carefree and mischievous.

My eyes are wide with want,

My hair is like a garment.

The water moves with me

Like a friend I’ve known since birth.

If I splash, I laugh.

If I laugh, I’m beautiful.

I live for nothing

But the simplest joys.

Everyone is looking.

And I am looking back.

I am innocence, a dreamer on a porch swing

With lowered lashes and a book in hand.

Feet curled under, I breathe the summer

And smell my skin

While my eyes rove the pages

That hold stories of lovers

And sweep me up like a girl on a cloud.

I am everywhere at once,

With no experience

But a heart full of hopes.

When I sigh my softness shows.

Everyone is looking.

I am adventure, a spunky explorer

With crazy ideas

And confident independence,

The world at my fingertips

And my fingertips reaching.

The sun is my guide

And the wind is my song.

I am ready to go.

With knees rough from climbing,

I reach the top of a mountain

With respect and admiration.

Everyone is looking.

I am me.

I am looking

At everyone.

And everyone

Is looking

At me.

© ALB 2008

Arielle's Word of the Day #27: BLISS

A life without an eating disorder is bliss.

At Last

I position myself in the billowing breeze,

Just to see if I’ll waver,

And I say what I please.

The triumph I feel when I stand on my own

Lifts me up to the sky

Unlike all else I’ve known.

© 2007 Arielle Lee Bair

Arielle's Word of the Day #22: HOME

Home can be many things. The feeling of "home" is unparalleled. Beautiful. Strong. Remember that no matter where you go, you can always take a little piece of home with you. The following poem is several years old and short. It's a sonnet (I call it "Sonnet for the Self"), for those of you who are into poetry. I've done a Shakespearean sonnet, which means it is written in iambic pentameter abab rhyme scheme...until the last 2 lines, which is an iambic pentameter couplet. That's a lot of English talk for those of you who could care less, but regardless, the poem has an important message.

Sonnet for the Self

Inside the mind, there is a little room.

It has a tiny lock and just one key.

Around it, doubt and shadows tend to loom,

But when the door is opened, truth goes free.

This little room—it houses all self-love.

Tear down the curtains; let the sunlight in.

No need to worry what you’re worthy of—

To love yourself can never be a sin.

Just bask beneath the rays of love and pride,

And never keep this bright room locked away.

Do not be meek or feel you have to hide—

Without self-love, true joy will never stay.

So give this room all that you have to give,

And you will always have a place to live.

© Arielle Lee Becker 2006