Make-Up Ponderings

Without further ado, today I discuss make-up... I clean... I ponder... I ask you to ponder... and I share with you my very packed and messy bathroom of beauty products... I ramble... I laugh... I muse...Enjoy the informal randomness and ponder along with me, folks.

EDAW13: Hey, Girls! You Need to Hear This!

I know I've posted this video before, but Eating Disorder Awareness Week is coming to a close and it bears repeating. Eating disorders are not caused by the media or by society, but the media and society do perpetuate unhealthy ideals for women. Our girls get mixed messages. They start to hate themselves or feel unsure about themselves at a very young age. One of the most important things we can do is show our girls that they are special and amazing regardless of the mixed messages that are out there. It's not too late to educate them, to hold them close, to boost them up, and to help them realize their own greatness.

I made this video a couple of weeks ago and have gotten really positive feedback regarding it. This is my message to the girls of the world. I'm passionate about what I say in this video. It is a video I made specifically for girls...the fantastic, amazing, wonderful creatures who grow up to be women. So if you have a sister, a daughter, a niece, a granddaughter, a friend - show this to her. And if you're an adult and you need this for yourself tonight, that's fine too.

Hey, girls! You Need to Hear This!

I received an email from someone asking for advice on how to talk to a 12 year old girl about body dissatisfaction, comparisons to others, and negative self-worth. It got me thinking - like REALLY thinking - so I filmed an 8 minute video, specifically for girls. You know...those wonderful little creatures who grow up to be women. Do you have a daughter? A grand-daughter? A niece? A little sister? A student? If there is any girl in your life, this is what I want to tell her. This is what she needs to hear. It's not about eating disorders. It's about self-love. It's about life.

Your Life Raft

Today, I thought I'd bring back a little post I first wrote 4 years ago by plumping it up, by revisiting it, by remembering it.. Today, I spoke to a group of women about eating disorders. We got on the very broad topic of 'this world in which we live.' It's a difficult place for people...especially for women. We throw around these terms: "society," "the media," "the diet industry," etc. And none of these things cause eating disorders. Eating disorders are mental illnesses. Yet, there are a lot of things out there that perpetuate the idea that it's all about the way you look. That it's all about what you wear, what size you are, how much you weigh... That it's all about your appearance.

Well I have news for you: there is a lot more to you than that. A LOT. And I hear you - I know you're being told left and right that there isn't. So it's hard to know what to think. I get that. And that's why: Appreciating Yourself is Your Life Raft in the Waters of Criticism.

That was the title of my 4-year-old post.

It’s easy to get swept up in the swirl of the world. You go to school or work and you see and hear things that make you feel inadequate. There are a lot of things out there that influence us, whether we like it or not. And in a lot of ways, it can be a good thing. Many of us have friends with whom we have a great time, family about whom we love and care, and things we enjoy doing, watching, or reading. And that’s okay. 

But when you already feel a certain way and suddenly you can feel that something around you is pulling you to feel another way, you need to stop and think for a minute. A minute is all it takes. You’ve heard the advice: “Go with your first instinct.” Well, in this case, you usually should. If something you see or hear or read makes you second guess how you FEEL about yourself, it’s best to examine it. 

Don’t get me wrong—it’s great when we see or hear or read something that makes us question our thoughts or our knowledge about something. It’s good to be open to other opinions, possibilities, and viewpoints. We can learn a lot by paying attention to the world around us. Just don’t let something make you feel like less of a person if you didn’t feel that way before.

If your peers are telling you something negative (that you’re fat, ugly, etc.) or worse—if your friends (which is questionable to say the least) are saying things that make you feel bad about the way you look—don’t let them bring you down to a place where you want to change to please them. Working to please others or to make others like you is no way to live and is, frankly, a recipe for disaster. At the end of the day, all you have is YOU.

Not all criticism is constructive.

Appreciating yourself is your life raft in the waters of criticism.

 

For girls and women, especially, life can become a competition. You want to be pretty, you want to be smart, you want to be thin. You want to make sure you are as good as everyone around you. Sometimes it can feel hard to measure up. Sometimes the people you’re trying to measure up against TELL you that you aren’t good enough in some way. You’re not pretty enough. You’re not smart enough. You’re not thin enough. Your clothes aren’t nice enough. Your job isn't good enough. Your grades aren't good enough.Your haircut isn’t cute enough. The list can be never-ending.

You’ll never be able to please everyone. And you’ll never be able to hold yourself above the water if you let other people pull you under. And drowning is a horrible way to die.

Really, it’s all about survival. You can’t let people--or things you see, hear, or read--get the better of you. If you read in a magazine that being a certain size makes you somehow less appealing to the world at large, but you felt okay about your size before you read it, listen to your first instinct—that you are fine the way you are. Don’t buy into the negative pull. If your friends, school peers, co-workers, and/or family say something that makes you feel negatively about yourself, just remember that what they say doesn’t determine what you are. And for everyone who says something that makes you feel bad, there may be just as many people who see you as great in a lot ways.

If you see an ad on TV and it makes you wonder if you should try to change yourself in some way, don’t let something you see for two minutes on TV influence you into thinking you’d be better off looking different. You have your own mind; use it.

Appreciating yourself is your life raft in the waters of criticism.

You write your own story. You can change anything you want or choose not to change. And you can add a new chapter whenever you feel like it. You don’t need something external telling you what and how to change. All throughout your life, people are going to offer their opinions whether you like it or not. Sometimes a person’s opinion will help you…and sometimes it will hurt you. It’s up to you to learn the difference. In fact, there are a lot of things out there in the world that can help us…and there are just as many things that can hinder us. A minute of thought can make a world of difference when it comes to deciding whether or not to think negatively about yourself.

When it comes right down to it, no one else anywhere is YOU. You are the only you. There’s no one out there like you. So you can’t go wrong looking the way you do. You can’t go wrong being what you are. You are you and that is the way you were meant to be. It’s okay and natural to feel unsure about the way you look sometimes, or to feel unsure about the things you think or do, but if you’re feeling good about yourself, don’t ever let anyone make you think differently. When you give in to a negative thought about yourself, you’re relinquishing a little piece of yourself. If you continue to do that, pretty soon you’ll have surrendered a lot of pieces. You’ll be weaker and more unsure than ever.

Appreciating yourself is your life raft in the waters of criticism.

It can get pretty difficult dealing with lots of things and people around you, especially if they are undermining your confidence in yourself. But you know what? It takes a very strong person to make it through and come out on top—to come out feeling okay. To come out knowing you are great just the way you are. To come out better because you know this.

Don’t give up on yourself. You have all the power.

How great is that?

YOU have all the power.

 

And you are beautiful - outside, inside, and everywhere in between. Just as you are.

Resisting Internalization of Societal Ideals

And one from 3 weeks ago...

on Resisting Internalization of Societal Ideals. :)

Dieting, the Diet Industry, and Eating Disorders

This week's video topic is the diet industry and other related aspects.

Eating Disorders, Adulthood, and Older Women

Important topic this week.

Eating Disorders & The Media

This week's topic is The Media & Eating Disorders. This has been talked about many times over, and I've spoken about it/written about it before, but today's video touches on it again. In this video, I mention my feelings on the media, how it affects me, and what we can do to keep negative effects of the media at bay.

What To Do About the Overweight/Fat Stigma

I really enjoyed this week's topic for my Wednesday video. Hope you guys do too. Check it out: What to do about the stigma against overweight/fat -

As usual, click to view on YT as embedding has been disabled.




VERY interesting BMI link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/- If you click on the photos it tells you the status of the people and it's very eye-opening. BMI is often completely ridiculous.

Photo of Lizzi Miller (she's obviously the second photo on the page): http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/lizzie-miller---plus-size-model-bares-all-should-weight-limits-be-set-on-models/question-584687/

The Culture of Thinness

An article I wrote for Deconstruction Magazine a couple years ago:

Eating disorders and poor body image have become rampant in recent years, and the media has stimulated the increase in the life-threatening diseases that come under the heading of disordered eating. The numbers of people who have body image issues are staggering. Television, magazines, and even film play a large role in the development and maintenance of eating disorders like anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and compulsive eating…and they help create body image problems for many. The rise in eating disorders affects women’s lives most of all because they remain the major sufferers. Recently, new hindrances have presented themselves to women with the potential for developing eating disorders, such as pro-anorexia websites and diet product marketing. And trust me, we have enough hindrances without getting hit with more. I for one have personally dealt with the pain and problems this article talks about, so I write from experience and a growing anger with the media. The culture of thinness is prevalent in Western society—a culture that continually focuses on women and their bodies.

Putting aside for a moment what helps to cause eating disorders and body image issues, there is still the matter of health and the consequences of these things for women. Anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa especially, have serious dangers associated with them…and an unhealthy body image is no pleasure with which to live. Women are dying from problems like this—women with options, women with lives, women with these problems that have conquered so many—thanks in part to the media. While there is no simple “cure” for eating disorders or unhealthy body image, there are solutions to the problems that influence these things. There is not only an opportunity to help women struggling with these issues, there is an opportunity to prevent these issues from ever happening at all. Women with any type of eating disorder are generally those with other psychological issues or low self-esteem—but what gives them this low self-esteem?

While the media is surely not the sole cause of eating disorders or body image problems among women, it does play a tremendous role in the way women feel about their bodies. Body image is an issue that is often directly related to eating disorders, especially anorexia and bulimia. Television frequently displays women who are considered the standard of beauty; we don’t often see unattractive or overweight women in lead roles. Today’s standard of beauty generally includes being thin, tan, and picture-perfect in every way. As if this were not bad enough, the commercials on television do not bring much relief; diet products are continually marketed all day and all night so that women scarcely have a chance to feel comfortable with themselves. The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness (AEDA) lists that the diet related industry was a 50 billion dollar a year enterprise in the year 2000. Since this style of marketing is so ubiquitous, many women are left to assume that their bodies are not on par with the societal “ideal.” The American Anorexia/Bulimia Association (AABA) states that as of 1998 the most common behavior that leads to an eating disorder is dieting. How many women do YOU know who are on a diet?

Magazine photos and advertisements, like those in Cosmo, Glamour, and Seventeen act in much the same way. Even women’s magazine articles tend to focus on weight, appearance, and beauty over fitness and health. Society labels beauty as women’s main “thing” in life. More than success, intelligence, or personality, beauty is the goal that is set for women of all ages to achieve. Women are often judged by appearance alone, and this includes weight. For example, many women feel that if they cannot get a date, it must mean that they are too fat or too ugly. You seldom hear a woman saying she couldn’t get a date because she’s too smart, right? These messages which the media render can be detrimental to the psychological well-being of women of the Western world. Adolescents are the main consumers of women’s magazines and diet products. They are also the target audience of television shows and movies that portray thin and gorgeous women as the “ideal” or the norm. It is obvious that these messages do indeed have an effect on their audience; according to the Eating Disorders Coalition for Research (EDC) 40-60% of high school girls diet and 30-40% of junior high school girls worry about their weight.

Since the 1960s, focus on women and body has increased considerably. What led to this change? All kinds of media, for instance, skyrocketed; television, movies, and advertising became about looks and fashion whereas in earlier years it was not such a big issue. Pressure on adolescent girls to fit in has soared as well. Not only has this pressure increased, but it is continually on the rise. The depiction of women’s sexuality (or the dominance of women as sexual objects) also influences women and the way in which they view themselves and each other. Young girls particularly have come to understand that to become a woman means make-up and style and being pretty. Women in Western culture, in order to be women, must fill a role that has already been created for them. Just as society views women, so women learn to view themselves. They may become overly critical, discontent, and acquire low self-esteem in the process of trying to measure up to impossible ideals (or simply ideals that simply aren’t who they are and/or who they should be).

Not only are positive themes associated with thinness, but there is a distinct stigma associated with fat. According to Western culture, thin is wonderful and fat is horrible. This stigma alone can influence the choices women make and the actions they take. Since fat is something disgusting, women who are "overweight" or feel that they are overweight may be distressed. If this daily distress becomes bad enough, many women may develop self-damaging behaviors or eating disorders. All the negative messages surrounding fat can cause women to have negative feelings about themselves, and these negative feelings can increase until women feel what is known as body hatred. And who do they have to thank?—the media.

Remember when I mentioned that since the 1960s focus on women and body has skyrocketed? Well, it should be no surprise to find then, that the incidence of eating disorders has doubled since the 1960s. Shock and frenzy often follow eating disorders in the news and public, but instead of merely addressing and re-addressing the problem, something can be done about it. First on the list might be “fixing” the media. Despite the fact that girls and women often feel inadequate compared to many of the unrealistic and pervasive images the media presents, these images still remain the basis for beauty in our society. Not all media is like this; there are images of natural, full-figured, and beautiful yet imperfect women out there, but this is certainly not what women most often see. The majority of ideas and images in media of Western culture drives home that a lovely and likable slender appearance is much more important than being smart, successful, or healthy. Even if it remains difficult to purge society of these images, combining them with positive ideas about intelligence, careers, social issues, and health would at least be an improvement. It’s also pretty vital to promote health and fitness as opposed to body size.

According to the Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness, over half of females between ages 18-25 who participated in a recent survey would rather be run over by a truck than be fat, and two-thirds surveyed would rather be mean or stupid. This statistic alone is enough for alarm. It is clear that eating disorders, eating disordered behavior, and body image problems have become an epidemic. Body image issues are increasing in younger age groups—as young as seven-year-olds. In the past, eating disorders were mainly an issue for white middle to upper class women, but in recent years the issue has increased in diverse ethnic and socio-cultural groups, according to the Eating Disorders Coalition for Research (EDC). Furthermore, the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry states, “The number one wish of girls 11-17 years old is to lose weight.” When a wish like this becomes so prevalent, the issue of body image and the media needs to be addressed. There is no reason why so many girls and women should die from eating disorders—or live a life of suffering and pain.

(c) Arielle Lee Becker