Over the past 2 weeks, I've discussed Drawing Your Emotions... then Writing Your Emotions. This week, I discuss using imagery to better learn yourself (among other things).
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Day #16: Fat is NOT a Feeling!
A few years back, I did a video called "How Do I Know What Emotion I'm Feeling." While the quality is less professional than what my videos have become (and my old camera gave me a fake "lisp"), I invite you to watch it, because it perfectly embodies what I feel today's prompt is asking me to share with you.
The following video (also a very old one) is one called "Emotional Vulnerability" and also might be helpful.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Filling the Space the Eating Disorder Filled
This week's video is about emotions, recovery, and what to do when you're recovering and finally have some empty space where the eating disorder used to be!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Afraid to Slip Up and Disappoint
Here's my Wednesday video from this week. I think this is an important topic in regards to being able to truly move further in recovery.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Boundaries!
Here's my Wednesday video - put it up this morning. This week's topic is:
What are boundaries? Where are my boundaries and how will I know if they've been crossed?
It's an important topic and one to which you should give some thought. It relates to eating disorders and eating disordered individuals in a variety of ways. And it's definitely a good subject for Eating Disorder Awareness Week.
As usual, click to view on YouTube as embedding has been disabled. :)
What are boundaries? Where are my boundaries and how will I know if they've been crossed?
It's an important topic and one to which you should give some thought. It relates to eating disorders and eating disordered individuals in a variety of ways. And it's definitely a good subject for Eating Disorder Awareness Week.
As usual, click to view on YouTube as embedding has been disabled. :)
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Question # 16: Forbidden Foods & What It's Really About
The next question comes from Kia. She asks:
"In these years of anorexia, I've stopped eating a lot of different foods (most of them, except fruits, vegetables, yogurt and meat), and some of the foods I've stopped eating, they have become some kind of 'forbidden': I still can't eat some of them (such as pizza, ice-cream, hamburgers, wrustel, etc...), while I eat hardly some others... So, I wanted to ask you: have you lived something similar? If yes, have you solved the problem, or are there 'forbidden' food to you, right now? Moreover: how did you solve this problem? How can you resist to put out again some foods from your nutrition?"
It may surprise you to know that I have no "forbidden" foods. I also have no "safe" foods. I eat everything, and I do mean everything. I'm not even a picky eater. There are a few foods I naturally dislike like creamed corn, french onion soup, and scallops, but I've disliked them since childhood. Other than those and a very few others, I eat anything and everything.
When I was dealing with my anorexia, I definitely ate very few foods. I had certain foods that I considered safe - usually low calorie foods. I had such little variety in my diet it was amazing (actually boring is a better word). I also had, as you call them, "forbidden" foods. At one point, I wouldn't eat anything with fat content. I had to have fat-free everything. I wouldn't eat sweets. I wouldn't eat hamburgers. The list went on and on.
I had to re-learn what it means to eat. I used food as a coping mechanism. As a form of control. There were problems behind the food - food wasn't really the problem. Once I was able to deal with the problems, I was able to realize that food was just food. It's what eating disordered individuals strive to learn every day - that food is just food. What a concept, you know? But it's true - food is to nourish and to be enjoyed. It's not a violent entity. It's not a weapon. It's not a punishment. It's not a reward. It just is.
I also had to slowly re-introduce foods that I had previously given up. Foods that used to scare me, I had to bring back into my diet one by one. It's really as simple as that. I can't promise you won't have moments of freaking out or feeling bad, but keep pushing through.
The following video can answer this question better than anything else I can say, and surprisingly enough it was this week's "Wednesday Warriors" video for the ED recovery collaboration on YouTube. Check it out! :)
"In these years of anorexia, I've stopped eating a lot of different foods (most of them, except fruits, vegetables, yogurt and meat), and some of the foods I've stopped eating, they have become some kind of 'forbidden': I still can't eat some of them (such as pizza, ice-cream, hamburgers, wrustel, etc...), while I eat hardly some others... So, I wanted to ask you: have you lived something similar? If yes, have you solved the problem, or are there 'forbidden' food to you, right now? Moreover: how did you solve this problem? How can you resist to put out again some foods from your nutrition?"
It may surprise you to know that I have no "forbidden" foods. I also have no "safe" foods. I eat everything, and I do mean everything. I'm not even a picky eater. There are a few foods I naturally dislike like creamed corn, french onion soup, and scallops, but I've disliked them since childhood. Other than those and a very few others, I eat anything and everything.
When I was dealing with my anorexia, I definitely ate very few foods. I had certain foods that I considered safe - usually low calorie foods. I had such little variety in my diet it was amazing (actually boring is a better word). I also had, as you call them, "forbidden" foods. At one point, I wouldn't eat anything with fat content. I had to have fat-free everything. I wouldn't eat sweets. I wouldn't eat hamburgers. The list went on and on.
I had to re-learn what it means to eat. I used food as a coping mechanism. As a form of control. There were problems behind the food - food wasn't really the problem. Once I was able to deal with the problems, I was able to realize that food was just food. It's what eating disordered individuals strive to learn every day - that food is just food. What a concept, you know? But it's true - food is to nourish and to be enjoyed. It's not a violent entity. It's not a weapon. It's not a punishment. It's not a reward. It just is.
I also had to slowly re-introduce foods that I had previously given up. Foods that used to scare me, I had to bring back into my diet one by one. It's really as simple as that. I can't promise you won't have moments of freaking out or feeling bad, but keep pushing through.
The following video can answer this question better than anything else I can say, and surprisingly enough it was this week's "Wednesday Warriors" video for the ED recovery collaboration on YouTube. Check it out! :)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
How Do I Know Exactly What Emotion I'm Feeling?
I'm going to share a video with you again, simply because I haven't had the time to write a good, solid post. :) Here's this week's Wednesday video - presented to you a few hours early! (It's only Tuesday night.) Hope you can get something from it; it's a very simple and rather short video this week.
Topic: "How do I know exactly what emotion I'm feeling?"
As usual, click to view on YouTube, as embedding has been disabled.
I promise I'll get back to all the reader questions this week. I have a bunch waiting for answers in post form, and trust me, those answers are coming!
Topic: "How do I know exactly what emotion I'm feeling?"
As usual, click to view on YouTube, as embedding has been disabled.
I promise I'll get back to all the reader questions this week. I have a bunch waiting for answers in post form, and trust me, those answers are coming!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
It's All About You
You'll have to excuse the lull in posts recently. My dear grandfather passed away the week before Christmas. I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday and were able to cope with any problems, triggers, and/or circumstances that came your way. I thought some of you might be feeling down, or overwhelmed, or anxious, or all three. So...
Write yourself a letter. Don't over-think. Don't over-analyze. Don't DO anything but write. Talk to yourself. There is only one rule: do not use any negative words (i.e. fat, ugly, stupid, bad, etc.). Speak to yourself as you would to a little girl who had been crying because she was so desperate and upset that she didn't know what to do or where to turn.
If you would like to share with me, I will post your Letter to Yourself here. Sometimes seeing your own words in print somewhere other than where you put them is an embodiment of strength. arielle.becker@gmail.com
And of course, I will first share with all of you.
Arielle,
What can I best do to comfort you? Come here. Lay your head down on my lap and let me tell you what a good girl you are. Cry if you need to; I won't ask you to stop. Sometimes crying helps get out the bad to make room for the good. If you want to hold my hand, I will leave it out and open and ready for your grasp. Breathe, Arielle. Let it all out. Make room for the good. It will be okay. You have so much power inside you. You have the power to make everything okay. I will help you. You don't even have to ask. If you want to be silent, I will wait with you and our hearts can be the only sounds in the stillness. If you want to talk, I will listen. Relax, Arielle. Lean against me. You don't have to hold yourself up right now. Rest against me. Get warm. Feel loved. Don't worry. Don't be afraid. I'm right here and I'm not leaving. I'll take you anywhere you want to go.
Arielle
Monday, December 3, 2007
The Holidays are Upon Us
To all:
The holiday season can be a tough season. It's often full of family, food, and obsessive behavior. I'm writing this to let you know I understand. The holidays can make you squirm and wake up full of dread each morning. But you know what?
They're not supposed to. That's not what the holidays are all about.
They're about a thousand things and none of those things should be negative or unhealthy or depressing. The question is: how do you get yourself into the right mindset?
You have to psych yourself up for it. You have to be positive and remain positive despite all the negativity you might feel closing in on you. You have to worry about YOU and not about others. I know it's hard--many times those "others" are your family or your close friends and you feel conflicted or manipulated or overwhelmed. Those feelings are okay and completely natural. All feelings are--because they're what you FEEL and they are honest. But you've got to do what's best for yourself and sometimes that means thinking only of yourself at a given point in time.
I know it might sound strange--me telling you to think of yourself during the holidays, when everything else out there promotes goodwill toward the less fortunate and giving to others besides yourself--but you have to consider that if you are first good to yourself, you will much more easily be able to be good to others. You have to start with yourself and go from there. It sounds so simple and so difficult at the same time, doesn't it?
I once had an aunt comment on what I was eating at a family holiday dinner. I had put some things on my plate and had handed it to her so she could add something to it that was nearest to her. "That's not YOUR plate, is it?" she'd said.
I just looked at her.
"I mean, you don't eat all that, do you?" she asked.
It didn't matter why she said it or what she meant by it. It was too late; the damage had been done. She'd gotten the message from my silence that I was shocked she'd say such a thing to me (for at the time, I was very very thin), but when my plate was handed back to me I didn't feel like eating. I'm sure she had no idea what she'd done to me with that short conversation. But there was a lot wrong with that conversation.
For one, she'd drawn attention to my eating. Second, she'd commented on the amount. Third, she was clearly surprised which made me question myself and what I was ready to eat.
In short, that small incident completely ruined my day. And if I'd had the right mindset at the time, it wouldn't have. Now, I know there are situations you will all deal with over the holidays that will be worse than that...or even less severe than that...that will irk you, upset you, and make you miserable. This was just an example. The point is: don't let it upset you.
As usual, it's easier said than done. But all you have to do is TRY. Just try. When something upsetting happens, or you see or hear or feel something that triggers you to do whatever self-destructive or eating disordered behavior you typically fall back on, DON'T DO IT. Don't let it get the better of you. Don't give in to pain and sadness and frustration. Use your anger or your emotions to build yourself up. Do what's healthy and what is good for you. Be good to yourself. Think of yourself. Don't think of someone else's comments or the way someone else looks. Don't think of all the food and how you shouldn't eat it. Don't think of the obsessive behaviors that may have become natural to you. Think of you and the child you once were that is still a part of you. And give her/him what she/he wants. You are allowed to indulge. You are allowed to nurture. You are allowed to FEEL GOOD. You are allowed to BE HAPPY.
Really.
Write a note to yourself. A short one, a long one, a sentence, a few words, or whatever you want. But write a note to yourself that is positive, that quickly reiterates that you can get through things. Maybe it will say: YOU CAN DO IT! YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR! Or maybe it will simply say: IT'S OKAY. But whatever it is, write it. To yourself. On an actual piece of paper. And keep it. And put it in your coat pocket, or your purse, or your wallet, or something you almost always have with you. And when you're dealing with some holiday stress or you're feeling overwhelmed, take it out briefly and look at it. Reassure yourself. You will thank yourself later. Maybe later that day. Maybe later that month. Maybe later that year. Or maybe even years from now. But you will thank yourself.
Do you really want to have miserable holiday season? Or one filled with grief, obsessing, nervousness, anxiety, pain, etc? Of course you don't. And you don't deserve to. You deserve all the good things the holidays can bring. I know you can't get rid of all those bad feelings and behaviors in one day--or in one holiday season. But you can START.
Start now. Start with THIS holiday.
Best of luck to you all. You can do it!
Arielle
The holiday season can be a tough season. It's often full of family, food, and obsessive behavior. I'm writing this to let you know I understand. The holidays can make you squirm and wake up full of dread each morning. But you know what?
They're not supposed to. That's not what the holidays are all about.
They're about a thousand things and none of those things should be negative or unhealthy or depressing. The question is: how do you get yourself into the right mindset?
You have to psych yourself up for it. You have to be positive and remain positive despite all the negativity you might feel closing in on you. You have to worry about YOU and not about others. I know it's hard--many times those "others" are your family or your close friends and you feel conflicted or manipulated or overwhelmed. Those feelings are okay and completely natural. All feelings are--because they're what you FEEL and they are honest. But you've got to do what's best for yourself and sometimes that means thinking only of yourself at a given point in time.
I know it might sound strange--me telling you to think of yourself during the holidays, when everything else out there promotes goodwill toward the less fortunate and giving to others besides yourself--but you have to consider that if you are first good to yourself, you will much more easily be able to be good to others. You have to start with yourself and go from there. It sounds so simple and so difficult at the same time, doesn't it?
I once had an aunt comment on what I was eating at a family holiday dinner. I had put some things on my plate and had handed it to her so she could add something to it that was nearest to her. "That's not YOUR plate, is it?" she'd said.
I just looked at her.
"I mean, you don't eat all that, do you?" she asked.
It didn't matter why she said it or what she meant by it. It was too late; the damage had been done. She'd gotten the message from my silence that I was shocked she'd say such a thing to me (for at the time, I was very very thin), but when my plate was handed back to me I didn't feel like eating. I'm sure she had no idea what she'd done to me with that short conversation. But there was a lot wrong with that conversation.
For one, she'd drawn attention to my eating. Second, she'd commented on the amount. Third, she was clearly surprised which made me question myself and what I was ready to eat.
In short, that small incident completely ruined my day. And if I'd had the right mindset at the time, it wouldn't have. Now, I know there are situations you will all deal with over the holidays that will be worse than that...or even less severe than that...that will irk you, upset you, and make you miserable. This was just an example. The point is: don't let it upset you.
As usual, it's easier said than done. But all you have to do is TRY. Just try. When something upsetting happens, or you see or hear or feel something that triggers you to do whatever self-destructive or eating disordered behavior you typically fall back on, DON'T DO IT. Don't let it get the better of you. Don't give in to pain and sadness and frustration. Use your anger or your emotions to build yourself up. Do what's healthy and what is good for you. Be good to yourself. Think of yourself. Don't think of someone else's comments or the way someone else looks. Don't think of all the food and how you shouldn't eat it. Don't think of the obsessive behaviors that may have become natural to you. Think of you and the child you once were that is still a part of you. And give her/him what she/he wants. You are allowed to indulge. You are allowed to nurture. You are allowed to FEEL GOOD. You are allowed to BE HAPPY.
Really.
Write a note to yourself. A short one, a long one, a sentence, a few words, or whatever you want. But write a note to yourself that is positive, that quickly reiterates that you can get through things. Maybe it will say: YOU CAN DO IT! YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR! Or maybe it will simply say: IT'S OKAY. But whatever it is, write it. To yourself. On an actual piece of paper. And keep it. And put it in your coat pocket, or your purse, or your wallet, or something you almost always have with you. And when you're dealing with some holiday stress or you're feeling overwhelmed, take it out briefly and look at it. Reassure yourself. You will thank yourself later. Maybe later that day. Maybe later that month. Maybe later that year. Or maybe even years from now. But you will thank yourself.
Do you really want to have miserable holiday season? Or one filled with grief, obsessing, nervousness, anxiety, pain, etc? Of course you don't. And you don't deserve to. You deserve all the good things the holidays can bring. I know you can't get rid of all those bad feelings and behaviors in one day--or in one holiday season. But you can START.
Start now. Start with THIS holiday.
Best of luck to you all. You can do it!
Arielle
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
"What do I need?"
Sometimes in life, we need a few moments just to breathe and forget about all that is surrounding us. We need to relieve ourselves of the pain and the discomfort and the bad feelings. Sometimes we need to close our eyes and drift into our own minds. We need to stop worrying about everything out there that is bringing us down, making us anxious, filling up our space. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves what we need. It's an important question. One that shouldn't be overlooked.
So ask yourself, right now, "What do I need?"
Close your eyes, breathe deeply. Wait. Breathe again. Feel the air. Feel yourself. And ask yourself. "What do I need?"
Then help yourself give it to you.
Arielle
So ask yourself, right now, "What do I need?"
Close your eyes, breathe deeply. Wait. Breathe again. Feel the air. Feel yourself. And ask yourself. "What do I need?"
Then help yourself give it to you.
Arielle
Saturday, November 3, 2007
At Last
I wrote this (At Last) a few months ago in a particularly good mood. It's short and sweet, but it says a lot.
I position myself in the billowing breeze,
Just to see if I’ll waver,
And I say what I please.
*
The triumph I feel when I stand on my own
Lifts me up to the sky
Unlike all else I’ve known.
(c) Arielle Lee Becker 2007
Hope you are all having a good weekend. There are only a few more days until Tell Your Tale Tuesday. I'd love to hear from you in any way...nosy questions, ponderings ,poetry, rants, etc....anything you'd like to know or share. Please email me! arielle.becker@gmail.com
Arielle
Friday, November 2, 2007
Inward Battle
I wrote this--Inward Battle--4 years ago. The simple rhythmic beat of this poem made me feel as if I was beating the questions of it into my own head...looking for a way out...hoping for a way out. It took me years to find my way out. I can't say this poem has a recovery feel to it, but it is comprised of an honest understanding of what I was going through...and what many of you are going through.
Softly falling like the rain--
No one hears or sees my pain…
Will I gain, oh will I gain
As I’m losing?
*
Echoes in this hollow cave
Don’t allow me to be brave…
I’m a slave, oh I’m a slave
As I’m falling
*
In this contest with my mind
I often seek and do not find…
Could it be that I am blind
As I’m losing?
*
What a sad and lonely tale--
Never ever can I fail…
But it is all to no avail
As I’m falling
*
I tell myself I will not cry,
Ask and ask why, why, why…
So many must be stronger than I
As I’m losing
*
Strange for those who do not know--
I try hard not to let it show…
But sometimes days, they are slow
As I’m falling
*
Must be pretty, must be smart--
Must look like a work of art…
You cannot stop once you start
As I’m losing
*
I am empty like a bowl;
It is hard to feel whole…
And it is all about control
As I’m falling
*
I know that bowl must be filled--
And eaten, yes, never spilled…
I must try; I must build
As I’m losing
*
Tell me how I got this way--
Counting, nervous every day…
I don’t know, but I can pray
As I’m falling
*
(c) Arielle Lee Becker 2003
I'm happy to say my praying and hoping was NOT to no avail. I hit a low low before I came to realize a lot of things about myself and my problems. The reason I'm posting this poem is so that you know you are not alone. It hurts...and makes you feel crazy...and makes you want to scream...and makes you sick...and makes you cry...but eventually, given healing and time and the right amount of self-love and honesty and strength, there is a way out.
Because...
The girl who once wrote this poem was in a deep dark hole...and no one could throw her a ladder or a rope, because she was too weak to climb. And no one could give her their hand, because they weren't strong enough...and because she really wasn't ready to get out.
But others threw their good thoughts down to her. They threw her their love and their hopes for her future. They threw her their worry and their concern. They threw her food. These things made her stronger, but still she was alone in that hole with no way out.
She cried in that hole and starved in that hole. She slept in that hole. She LIVED in that hole. She was a miserable wreck for a long, long time.
So, finally desperate to live in the light instead of the dark...finally ready to live above and outside that deep hole...finally able to see what she could do...she used her tools...the only ones she always had and always has--her mind, her emotions, and her own two hands--and with her heart she wanted OUT. And with her determination she made a plan. And with her anger, she beat at the walls of the hole to make grooves and shelves and footholds. And with her strength, she climbed up...up...up.
It was always up to her. Even with the help of others, she still needed to use her tools to get out of that hole. She needed not one or a few of her tools, but all of them. She needed her desperation, her readiness, her realization, her determination, her anger, and her strength.
After all, the hole was very deep. It took her several tries to actually get out without falling back in. But get out she did. And now--she spends her life living in the light and making sure she never falls back in that hole.
Much love to you all,
Arielle
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Possible
I hope you all enjoyed the first ever Tell Your Tale Tuesday yesterday. I know I did. I found it very empowering and inspiring in such a simple way--which is so wonderful.
Here is something I wrote yesterday. I feel very strongly about it so I thought I'd share it with you. Just consider it a...mantra, of sorts. A declaration. A personal proclamation to take to heart.
Recovery is possible.
It's not a guarantee. It's a possibility. It's not simple. It is difficult and sometimes seems impossible. It's not a one-step process. It's a multi-step process complete with twists and turns and bending roads...and roads you didn't even know were there. It's not the same for everyone. It's not always a happy process. It's not always a sad process. It IS empowering. It's not about pleasing other people. It is not about them. It's about YOU. It's not about perfection. It IS about emotion. It IS about honesty. It IS about self-discovery and self-affirmation. It's not about what you don't have. It's about using what you've got. It's not about hiding. It's about finding and displaying. It's not a quick-fix. It's a lifelong plan set into motion by truth and nurturing and self-love. It's not about external factors or environment. It IS about what's within. It is not crazy. It IS real.
Recovery is possible.
When I first read this over last night, I really felt every word. When I re-read it over again this morning I felt every word even more. I think re-reading this "mantra" is a good way to keep things in perspective.
Maybe I should post this permanently on the site somewhere...
Have a great Halloween, everyone. You are all constantly in my thoughts.
Arielle
Here is something I wrote yesterday. I feel very strongly about it so I thought I'd share it with you. Just consider it a...mantra, of sorts. A declaration. A personal proclamation to take to heart.
Recovery is possible.
It's not a guarantee. It's a possibility. It's not simple. It is difficult and sometimes seems impossible. It's not a one-step process. It's a multi-step process complete with twists and turns and bending roads...and roads you didn't even know were there. It's not the same for everyone. It's not always a happy process. It's not always a sad process. It IS empowering. It's not about pleasing other people. It is not about them. It's about YOU. It's not about perfection. It IS about emotion. It IS about honesty. It IS about self-discovery and self-affirmation. It's not about what you don't have. It's about using what you've got. It's not about hiding. It's about finding and displaying. It's not a quick-fix. It's a lifelong plan set into motion by truth and nurturing and self-love. It's not about external factors or environment. It IS about what's within. It is not crazy. It IS real.
Recovery is possible.
When I first read this over last night, I really felt every word. When I re-read it over again this morning I felt every word even more. I think re-reading this "mantra" is a good way to keep things in perspective.
Maybe I should post this permanently on the site somewhere...
Have a great Halloween, everyone. You are all constantly in my thoughts.
Arielle
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