The Everlasting Plateau

Usually, recovery is a rollercoaster--full of ups and downs, curves and upside down spirals. We hear this. We know this. We understand this. It makes sense. There is, however, a lesser known part of recovery I call the plateau.

The plateau is what really tests your patience. It's a time during recovery when everything is moving along in the same way--not getting worse but not getting better--for a very long time. It makes recovery almost feel...stale.

It gets that impatience raging.

It makes you wonder if there is a better place in sight or if you've reached your peak.

Well, let me tell you right now--you haven't. The plateau is good in a lot of ways, because you're not constantly worried about setbacks. You're not preoccupied with slipping up. You're not solely focused on keeping your life on track day by day by day. You've made it somewhere. You've made definite progress. You're doing okay.

Yet...

Each day now seems the same. You're okay, but you're not great. You don't feel free. And the worst part of it is nothing's changing. No matter how much you push and try, you feel the same day after day. And you wonder, what gives? Is THIS what I've been working for?

NO.

It'll come. It's coming. You're getting there. You just can't see it with the naked eye. But if you compare day 55 to day 88 you'll see a definite difference. Know what I mean? It's imperceptible on a daily basis, but it's happening.

The plateau is not fun. But it's stable. And that's a blessing. Trust me. It's anything amazing, but let me tell you, it's a far cry from being immersed in an eating disorder every moment of every day. And at the end of that long stretch of plateau...when you get there...is a slide. And all you're gonna have to do is get on and zoom right into freedom. No more mountains to climb. No more holes to jump over. Just a slide. And sure, some hills may spring up here and there after you've slid into freedom... but when you're living sweet freeeeedom a little hill here and there is totally do-able. ;)

Wait it out. The plateau gives way. You're not done yet! There's more to come!

A Message to Start the Month of March

Well, I guess I'll start of the week (and simultaneously the month of March, I suppose) with another video. This is another one of my "slam poetry" pieces. I call it Free From the Fight and it's something I posted here back in June of 2008. It's a damn good piece to start off a month with though, and though the video quality isn't all that it could be, it'll do for now.

Spring is almost here, my friends. Be patient.

A Little Video for a Quiet Wednesday

So I'm new at this YouTube thing, guys, but I thought I'd post a video of me doing some ED related slam poetry. You'll remember my recent post where I presented the written form of this piece, called "(Not So) Dear Eating Disorder." The video is me reading it, so the effect is somewhat different. Again, I'm new at taping myself, so it's not as dynamic and animated as I'd like. More to come, hopefully!

Eating Disorder Awareness Week!

Thought I'd share a very important link for this week. I know we're mid-way through the week already, but check this out if you haven't already!

The Healing (and Inspiring) Power of Music

Been thinking lately about music and its ability to really invigorate a good mood, get rid of a bad mood, or simply make one feel braver. Recently, I went through a bunch of what I consider "recovery music" to make a CD for a dear friend and I was again struck by how amazing some of the songs are. So, I thought I'd share a few choice ones with all of you, in case you have some room on a special playlist or are looking to create a recovery CD of your own.

 

If you have any good suggestions for "recovery" songs, let me know! (I have more too!)

 

For now, these are some of my favorites (my top 6 actually):

 

Bottom of the Barrel by Amos Lee

Happy by Natasha Bedingfield

Twisted Logic by Coldplay

No Lookin' Back by Kenny Loggins

Watershed by the Indigo Girls

Fill Your Heart by David Bowie

 

Share yours!

(Not So) Dear Eating Disorder---

I'm furious at all the things that rise within and break my wings. The pain is great, the room is small, and I'm within it, standing tall. Yes, here I am--I give a damn--I'll give this door one final slam. I'm stronger than the past that's been--I call the shots; I'll tell you when! And if you think, unwanted guest, that one day soon you'll get the best of this young woman, I won't rest until you truly, finally see that you're just you but I am ME! I've learned too much, I've traveled far, and I know what you really are--so don't you for one second think that you will find that tiny chink within my armor, within my soul--I'm on to you, I'm in control! And as I live and breathe today, I vow to conquer every way the little bit of you that's left--and trust me, I won't feel bereft. I know the feeling freedom brings and with some healing, I'll have wings that work and move and fly again--I call the shots; I'll tell you when!


That one's for me and for all of you.

Thought of the Day

You can be your own worst enemy. It's time to be your greatest ally.