Thank you so much Arielle for yet another wonderful video!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that feminism played a role in your recovery- hooray for women's and gender studies majors! What monologue did you perform for VM? Anyway, thank you so much for inspiring me to keep moving forward in my recovery. I love how you say that "recovered is not being happy 100% of the time, it's about knowing what to do when you're not". That's what my goal is- I know I'm not going to be miss happy sunshine all the time, but I am SO looking forward to the day that I feel really and truly free. You're amazing, thanks for being you! And I wish you the best of luck with the stressors in your life right now- you are in my thoughts and prayers. <3
Arielle I LOVE your video!! I especially appreciated your consciousness to refrain from showing photos of yourself during the eating disorder. You provide hope and the use of the word FREEDOM is an accurate synonym for recovery! I'd like to ask your permission to post your video in the video section of my website. www.lovewarriorcommunity.com Thanks for your passion. Michelle
I'm sorry about writing that, but right now that I've just seen your video, I don't feel like "oh, so recovery is possible, so I'm going to get it!", but I only feel... angry. Angry, because I am 28 years old too, I became anorexic when I was 14, and even if (after the first period of "anorexic exaltation")I've tried to fight against it, I'm still not recovered. And by looking people who get this goal, I wonder why I'm not able to do the same thing. And anger comes. Right now, my weight is normal (I've gained again a normal weight a few years ago, thanks to my nutritionist), I eat like a "normal" person, I don't have some typical anorexic behaviours and I don't seem anorexic no more, but my head is stille a mess, and my life is devastated. I chose to left the control of anorexia because one of my counselors (that I had a lot of years ago, during my third hospitalisation) told me that life could give me much more than the fake feeling of control and safety and relax that anorexia gave me... but years've gone, and I don't see anything. Maybe my life was a s**t when I was anorexic, but right now my life is still a s**t and I don't have anything, not anorexia even. Maybe I'm just jealous of you, because you have a husband, friends, your family... and I don't. But I'm sick and tired of trying to fight anorexia and see that nothing changes except my body, even if I try to do my best to change my life in better.
I'm sorry for this rant. I'm not angry with you, of course, and I'm not angry with your video too. Maybe I'm only angry with myself. Nothing to do with you. I'm sorry if my negativity has ruined on you.
I can respect what you're saying and the anger you are feeling. My thoughts are this: perhaps that anger is a GOOD thing? It may not feel good and it may hurt, but it may come from a place of wanting more out of life, out of wanting more out of your recovery. You don't have to be underweight to be sick or to have an eating disorder. I may seem to have a lot of happiness (and I do!) but I did spend years being unhappy and struggling just as you describe. It can get better. I just try to portray the hope. No guarantees or comparisons. Just hope. And possibility. I wish you all the best and please know that you are not alone.
Hi Arielle, thanks for your answer. I'm sorry for being so rude yesterday. I'm not like that, usually. And i'm really sorry.
What I mean is: I am 28 years old. I know I have possibilities, even if not all the possibilities you have when you are 14. But I see that these possibilities become less day by day: I'm not a child anymore, and in my past I've made some decision that lead me to become who I am right now. And I don't like who I am right now - with or without anorexia.
You may say: "You can change what you don't like", and of course I can change some little things (which I am currently working on), but there are a lot of things that I can't change because they don't depend all on me. And this drives me crazy because I still can't stand to not have control in every part of my life.
I have a job I don't like - I know it sounds stupid, as I am a doctor of medicine, but it's true - and I live in a place I don't like (but it's near the hospital where I work). Moreover, I don't have someone who helps me when I have some troubles (with ED, and with all the other things of life): you know how anorexia can be a lonely road to go. I chose this road when I was 14. I lost my friends because anorexia was the only thing I was interested in. My recovery process started when I was 19 (in my first year of University), not very late, but late to find new friends (as Medicine needs a lot to study, from morning to evening, and I didin't have the time to go out and meet new people), and too late to find love (no one could like a girl with a so low weight).
Anyway, I know that all I have and all I am right now comes from my past decisions. And anorexia was certainly one of my decision. I chose that path, and now I have to accept all the consequences. Even if I don't like them. I made my bed, I lie in it. I have no one to blame but myself.
7 comments:
Thank you so much Arielle for yet another wonderful video!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that feminism played a role in your recovery- hooray for women's and gender studies majors! What monologue did you perform for VM? Anyway, thank you so much for inspiring me to keep moving forward in my recovery. I love how you say that "recovered is not being happy 100% of the time, it's about knowing what to do when you're not". That's what my goal is- I know I'm not going to be miss happy sunshine all the time, but I am SO looking forward to the day that I feel really and truly free. You're amazing, thanks for being you! And I wish you the best of luck with the stressors in your life right now- you are in my thoughts and prayers. <3
Arielle I LOVE your video!! I especially appreciated your consciousness to refrain from showing photos of yourself during the eating disorder. You provide hope and the use of the word FREEDOM is an accurate synonym for recovery!
I'd like to ask your permission to post your video in the video section of my website. www.lovewarriorcommunity.com
Thanks for your passion.
Michelle
Jess - thanks so much. :) And good luck to you! I performed The Vagina Workshop in the show both times. Complete with British accent. ;)
Michelle - thanks for the positive feedback! Of course you may link to my video or embed it. :) I appreciate you asking.
I'm sorry about writing that, but right now that I've just seen your video, I don't feel like "oh, so recovery is possible, so I'm going to get it!", but I only feel... angry. Angry, because I am 28 years old too, I became anorexic when I was 14, and even if (after the first period of "anorexic exaltation")I've tried to fight against it, I'm still not recovered. And by looking people who get this goal, I wonder why I'm not able to do the same thing. And anger comes. Right now, my weight is normal (I've gained again a normal weight a few years ago, thanks to my nutritionist), I eat like a "normal" person, I don't have some typical anorexic behaviours and I don't seem anorexic no more, but my head is stille a mess, and my life is devastated. I chose to left the control of anorexia because one of my counselors (that I had a lot of years ago, during my third hospitalisation) told me that life could give me much more than the fake feeling of control and safety and relax that anorexia gave me... but years've gone, and I don't see anything. Maybe my life was a s**t when I was anorexic, but right now my life is still a s**t and I don't have anything, not anorexia even.
Maybe I'm just jealous of you, because you have a husband, friends, your family... and I don't. But I'm sick and tired of trying to fight anorexia and see that nothing changes except my body, even if I try to do my best to change my life in better.
I'm sorry for this rant. I'm not angry with you, of course, and I'm not angry with your video too. Maybe I'm only angry with myself. Nothing to do with you. I'm sorry if my negativity has ruined on you.
(And I'm sorry for my mistakes, I'm from Italy)
Chloe
Hi Chloe,
I can respect what you're saying and the anger you are feeling. My thoughts are this: perhaps that anger is a GOOD thing? It may not feel good and it may hurt, but it may come from a place of wanting more out of life, out of wanting more out of your recovery. You don't have to be underweight to be sick or to have an eating disorder. I may seem to have a lot of happiness (and I do!) but I did spend years being unhappy and struggling just as you describe. It can get better. I just try to portray the hope. No guarantees or comparisons. Just hope. And possibility. I wish you all the best and please know that you are not alone.
Hi Arielle,
thanks for your answer.
I'm sorry for being so rude yesterday. I'm not like that, usually. And i'm really sorry.
What I mean is: I am 28 years old. I know I have possibilities, even if not all the possibilities you have when you are 14. But I see that these possibilities become less day by day: I'm not a child anymore, and in my past I've made some decision that lead me to become who I am right now. And I don't like who I am right now - with or without anorexia.
You may say: "You can change what you don't like", and of course I can change some little things (which I am currently working on), but there are a lot of things that I can't change because they don't depend all on me. And this drives me crazy because I still can't stand to not have control in every part of my life.
I have a job I don't like - I know it sounds stupid, as I am a doctor of medicine, but it's true - and I live in a place I don't like (but it's near the hospital where I work). Moreover, I don't have someone who helps me when I have some troubles (with ED, and with all the other things of life): you know how anorexia can be a lonely road to go. I chose this road when I was 14. I lost my friends because anorexia was the only thing I was interested in. My recovery process started when I was 19 (in my first year of University), not very late, but late to find new friends (as Medicine needs a lot to study, from morning to evening, and I didin't have the time to go out and meet new people), and too late to find love (no one could like a girl with a so low weight).
Anyway, I know that all I have and all I am right now comes from my past decisions. And anorexia was certainly one of my decision. I chose that path, and now I have to accept all the consequences. Even if I don't like them. I made my bed, I lie in it. I have no one to blame but myself.
Again, thanks a lot for your words.
Chloe
Post a Comment