Day #30: Someday I...

Someday, I...will create the Arielle Bair Foundation. Before I die, I want to create, found, and head a foundation that not only spreads awareness about eating disorders, but provides resources and financial help to people who really want help but can't afford it or access it for some reason. I feel strongly about this and know I can be of some help if the right opportunities and lifepaths present themselves. There are SO many people out there who want and need help, but can't get it due to finances, insurance issues, or even lack of quality care in their areas. I'd love it if my foundation could be international, because there are many countries out there who have health care systems that cannot amply provide for any eating disorder services for the people struggling.

**The AVERAGE cost for a month of in-patient treatment here in the U.S. is $30,000. That's ONE month. And most sufferers need MUCH more care than that provides. You're not "cured" in one month. And most people can't afford this kind of care. Nor can their parents if the sufferer is an adolescent or child.
 
I say that I want to create the Arielle Bair Foundation before I die, because it will take more resources, planning, guidance, expertise, and TIME than I currently have in my life. But...someday. It's in the works... it's in my head. :)

Can I do it? We'll see. But look, I already have my taglines. ^

And also? Someday I... am going to publish not one book, but many - on a variety of topics related to recovery. I have a unique voice in this field and I don't want to give you yet another personal story. For now, this blog is your place and I aim to serve. 

Day #27: I can't believe that I...

I'd like to say I can't believe I fully recovered... or I can't believe I found love... or I can't believe I now help others. But those wouldn't be true statements, because I CAN believe it. I always knew I could recover. I always knew I would find love. And I always knew I had the capacity and nurturing spirit to help others. I have always believed in possibilities and my own determination.
 

What I wasn't so sure about was being able to find myself... the self I had lost. I can't believe that I...got the real Arielle back. 

I wrote a post earlier this month on my personal blog, when my mind was going back in time, remembering and realizing things of merit. When I read the Hungry for Change prompt for today, that post immediately came to my mind. I called it "The Real Arielle" and I'll share it with you, because I hope that you can get the real you back too.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be an actress. During a physical for entry to kindergarten, when asked to cover my right eye and read a chart, I pretended to faint dead away to showcase my dramatic talent.

I used to talk to anyone who would listen. I used to dance and sing. I loved everything. Everything. I didn't even know the expression back then, but I can tell you: I thought the world was my oyster.

A little later, I thought I'd be a writer, an art teacher, a mother. I had a slew of friends, an eye for clothes and shoes (even in elementary school), and if I knew the answer, then you can be damn sure I raised my hand.

I loved school, hated sports (one of my pretty little black flats once flew off my foot and across the field during a game of kickball), and life was mostly good. Whatever came my way, I could cope. I had the self-reliance, the gumption, the eternal optimism and creativity.

And then came middle school.

Popular AND a good student, I was content. Puberty hit and tossed me to the wolves. I was a victim of what has become the classic "mean girls" scenario. Shunned by all, I went home crying every day. My mother tried to console me with explanations of "They're jealous" or "It's not the end of the world," but to me, it didn't matter the reasons and to me, it was the end of the world.

It wasn't a matter of blame. When a year had passed and the bullying stopped as abruptly as it had begun, I forgave eagerly, hopeful for a better future. The "why?" never persisted - all I knew was that for some reason they had wanted to break me down, "show me". They wanted me to feel pain, to be un-popular, un-wanted, un-loved, forgotten, shunned, snubbed, and alone. Even though they were all nice once and they were all my friends, they backed each other up and ganged up on me. Ignored me. Mocked me. Wrote hateful notes to me. And the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, and soon, a year of my childhood--and a crucial year at that--was gone. Drowned in tears of misery and loneliness.

I don't bring this up to act like a victim or to indicate in some preposterous way that these girls ruined my life. I certainly wouldn't want to be held accountable for something I did at age 11 or 12. I write about this experience merely to explain how it changed me and I take full responsibility. "Outgoing" changed to "reserved", "opinionated" became "accommodating", "present" became "hidden", "vivacious" became "subdued", "filled" became "starved".

I retreated into myself. I became a prisoner of suffering. And suffering became so familiar that I clung to it, used it to cope, used it to keep myself in check. I did it, not the girls. But it became my way of life, my new personality. And sadly, as I remained that way for years to come, it was the Arielle that everyone knew.

  

Even after the bullying had passed and other torments lingered, like my relationship with my father or the punishment I inflicted upon myself in the form of a ripening eating disorder, I was shy. Quiet. Waiting for others to speak for me. Waiting for someone else to take the lead. Reserved. Unsure.

My high school friends saw this girl. 

My college friends saw this girl. 

But before this girl existed, there was another girl. The real Arielle. The one waiting inside. The one who was actually born into this world.The vivacious, curly-headed, smiling, leader who was ready for the world to be her oyster.

Somewhere in my last year of college, along the edges of my recovery from an eating disorder, among my decision to audition for the Vagina Monologues on a whim and later perform the role I snagged, between the pages of a 90+ page undergraduate senior thesis I adored and best friend who cared for me and coaxed me into flesh and blood instead of a shell of a girl, I started to get the real Arielle back.

My husband Rick never met the shy, reserved version that had been wrapping the authentic Arielle like some flimsy paper for so many years. He met a bold woman with kind words and a flair for writing, a woman who at first glance looked as though she was coming into her own, getting started. But really, she wasn't getting started. She was going back - GETTING back - the Arielle that got lost. She wasn't reinventing, she was revisiting. 

Even as I write this, I can be sure that those of you who've met me in the last 5 years or so are sitting there in disbelief that I was ever SHY. Or RESERVED?! Yet, when I tell some of my older friends the things I'm doing, they laugh in shock the opposite way, as if to say, "You? Shy, little Arielle?" 

Three years ago when I started making weekly YouTube videos, I never dreamed I'd have over a thousand subscribers and even more viewers. But what's more, SIX years ago if you'd have suggested to me that in a few years time I'd be filming motivational speaking videos for thousands to see, I'd have laughed nervously and said, "Never! Not me!" 

But little Arielle, the actress with her delightfully staged fainting spell down pat, would have said, "Of course I'd love to speak on YouTube, but why stop there? I want to speak all over the place!" 

This post just sort of poured out of me, because earlier I had to write down some of the things I do... and I realized with a start of satisfaction that the real Arielle is here. She's been here. She's back. I'm a recovery blogger of 4+ years, an almost L.M.S.W., an ANAD eating disorder support group leader, an ANAD resource person, a speaker, President of my Graduate School's Student Association, etc. etc. etc. If I continue, it will sound more like a resume than a blog post, but the point is that... everyone who's met me in the last few years, who knows me now - they see the real me.

Someone told me the other day that I was "such a natural leader" and I laughed. But then I thought - why the hell am I laughing? People who knew you 10 years ago would laugh, but YOU don't have to laugh. This person only knows the REAL you. She never saw the other Arielle. 

This person I am now, it's not someone NEW. It's not an evolution. It's who I've been ALL ALONG. So if you knew me in the dark days, that's what I'm trying to tell you. And if you know me in the bright days, you're lucky. Because here I am! It's me. The real Arielle.

Day #22: Keep YOU, Kick ED!

I'm lucky enough to be able to say that my identity without my eating disorder is a strong one. I've left my eating disorder behind. My blog is not about my journey through recovery, because I'm already free. It's about helping others by sharing what I've learned and spreading positivity and hope.

So today, I'm tweaking my response to the blogger prompt of:

Did you ever feel you couldn’t tell where you ended and your ED started? Many people find it difficult to fathom their identity separate from their eating disorder. Who are you? What makes you – you? How do you tell the difference between the eating disorder and you? Why is it important to find you identity and recognise it as being separate from your eating disorder?

and instead I'm going to share with you how YOU can be more than your eating disorder - because you're fabulous! And because I already know what makes me ME! (And you do too, if you've read my blogs these past 5 years.)

I think wondering how to fill the gap your eating disorder previously filled is very common. But remember—only you can answer the question of what to do next.

And there is so much waiting for you. There are a thousand possibilities at your fingertips, from the simple every day things to the more complex life goals. You just have to ask yourself one question.

What do you want to do?

It’s an open question with many possible answers…and that’s the beauty of it.

What's in your head and your heart? What are your passions? What makes you feel good?

Do you want to make new friends? Do you want to go back to school? Do you want to get out in the job world? Do you want to pursue a dream you’ve often had in the back of your mind? Do you want to have a family? Do you want to travel?

Now comes the obvious thought: we can’t always do what we want to do. Finances get in the way. Time can be an issue. A lot of things can prevent us from doing what we want to do. BUT—and this is a big but—you never let things be an issue when finding a way to fit your eating disorder into your daily life, did you?

Granted, money doesn’t grow on trees and lots of things that are very important take up our time. Understandable. Valid. But if you really want something, you can achieve it. And don’t let anything stop you.

Most importantly, think about what would make you happy. Come up with three things.

Then find a way to incorporate them into your life. Fill that gap. There’s no charge for that kind of fill-up.

Best of luck! - and to help inspire you, I made you a vision board! Yes, I did! I made YOU a vision board! Check it out:

Day #19: Write a Love Life Limerick

I'm assuming today's prompt is about loving life and not your actual love life, because that doesn't seem as cohesive with eating disorder recovery. :-) Regardless, I'm a writer, so once I start writing limericks, I just can't stop!

Here are two of the several of wrote, because I have 17,304 things to do today, all of which fall under the category of living and loving life! :-)

I hope you can pocket these and take them with you when you need a pick-me-up. They're encouraging and true!

Love Life Limerick #1:

There's so much just waiting for you -
There's no end to what you can do.
So believe in yourself,
Put the past on a shelf,
And life will believe in you too!


 Love Life Limerick #2:

Today is a gift and it's here!
Let go of the worry and fear.
Embrace what you've got,
And call every shot,
'Cause you are the boss now, my dear!

©Arielle Lee Bair
Rock on, limerick lovers!

Day #17: Attitude Makeover

If you've followed this site for a while, you may have read this reminder of mine before, because this is not the first time I've posted what I call "Bravery & Boldness." But when I saw that today's prompt was ATTITUDE MAKEOVER, it just felt right and fitting to share it again.

To look straight into the face of pain and declare that you will prevail is not merely a display of courage; sometimes it's a true necessity. Getting thrown about in the waters of life is a circumstance that presents you with two options: 

thrash and swim and fight and reach shore 

OR 

let yourself drown. 

There is, actually, a middle option, but it's only a temporary solution. It is, nevertheless, better than drowning. And it is this: thrash and swim and fight and STAY AFLOAT until you can make it to shore.

Sometimes the shore is quite far away—off in the distance, glimmering like an unreachable mirage, so you can't be expected to reach it simply because you want to reach it. But in time, you'll make it—if you manage to stay afloat and not give up.

So these are your options. Choose wisely.

Bravery and boldness are the essence of being able to prevail. Bravery and boldness will not just follow you. You have to channel them. They won't seek you out and they won't appear out of thin air. They may, in fact, seem to escape you when you need them most. You can't keep them in your back pocket, ready to pull them out a moment's notice.

Despite how elusive they seem, bravery and boldness CAN be learned—or found. And they can grow to be a part of you, so that the most you will have to do is tap into them when you have to fight your way in that troubling sea.

You have to realize that they exist—and that they exist for YOU. You're not an unlucky one—you have access to bravery and boldness, even if it's been taking you a while to find them. You have to think of bravery and boldness like a limb or some part of your body; they are part of you. Our arms are always there, but sometimes we don't use them. Bravery and boldness are like that. When faced with a difficulty/problem/pain/trying situation/despair/depression/failure/fear—you have to REMEMBER that bravery and boldness are there.

Just like your arms or your legs.

You know how people get so scared that they can't run?—even though they have legs? Or how people get so scared that they can't speak?—even though they have a voice?

Bravery and boldness are like that.

Don't forget to use them.

Day #15: A Letter to Little Me

I actually shared this EXACT post on my own a couple of months ago during Eating Disorder Awareness Week, because it's an idea I always promote. Check it out here in my post "Invest in You" (for an extra photo, haha) & also below.

Arielle,

Don't be afraid. I'll carry you quietly, because you need complete and unconditional love--and my arms will be full of enough understanding that I won't have to use words.

I'll show you what it is to live for you and not for others and what they say and do. I'll let you cry when you need to without feeling ashamed and I'll comfort you like a blanket that soothes all your troubles, worries, and aching limbs. I'll let you stretch into a woman and prove to you how great it can be when you accept yourself and all the changes that go along with being you.

I'll travel great distances to listen to what you have to say. I'll never make you feel alone, unwanted, slighted, or misunderstood. I'll let you be mature when you want to be and I'll let you be a child when it helps you to heal. I'll make promises and I won't break them.

I'll brush your hair. I'll rub your back. I'll sing you songs. I'll nourish you. I won't suppress you--or second-guess you--or leave you. I am invested in you.

You are important to me...because you are me.

Love, Arielle 

I share this so that you can see how genuine and real and comforting it can be. I share this so that when I invite you to write a similar letter to yourself as a child, you'll know I walk the talk. Will writing a letter to yourself as a child heal all your pain? No. Will it be that magic recipe that sends that eating disorder packing for good? Probably not. But will it help? I hope so. It certainly can't hurt.

So, your mission - if you choose to accept it - is to find a photo of yourself as a child. Happy, sad, lonely, sweet, funny, silly, whatever it is! And look into that little face. And with it next to you, grab a piece of paper and write to YOU. Or prop it in front of your computer and start typing... and write to YOU. The little you.

Why? Because it can be hard to write loving things to the adult you, the current you. (It shouldn't be! But it often is!) But it's very VERY hard to write mean, self-hating, disappointed things to a child - even when that child is you.

Give that child what it needs. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to hear. Be real. Be genuine. Be loving.

Day #11: I want you to understand that...

I could write a letter to society at large...or to parents of those with eating disorders...or to professionals who deal with those with eating disorders...or to magazine editors...or treatment center staff...

But instead, I'd really like to write to YOU. I'd really like to write to those WITH eating disorders. The ones who are struggling...who haven't yet chosen recovery...or the ones who have finally decided to make that leap, but are afraid...or the ones who have been at recovery for so long it's become a big mountain they are growing tired of climbing...

Because...

I want you to understand that...

Recovery is possible.

It's not a guarantee. It's a possibility.

It's not simple. It is difficult and sometimes seems impossible.

It's not a one-step process. It's a multi-step process complete with twists and turns and bending roads...and roads you didn't even know were there.

It's not the same for everyone.

It's not always a happy process. It's not always a sad process.

It IS empowering.

It's not about pleasing other people. It is not about them.

It's about YOU.

It's not about perfection. It IS about emotion. It IS about honesty. It IS about self-discovery and self-affirmation.

It's not about what you don't have. It's about using what you've got.

It's not about hiding. It's about finding and displaying.

It's not a quick-fix. It's a lifelong plan set into motion by truth and nurturing and self-love.

It's not about external factors or environment. It IS about what's within.

It is not crazy. It IS real.

Recovery is possible.

The length of time isn't what's important. It can take 3 years or 30 years. The goal is to get to the point where you can say, “I'm free” and mean it. Don't give yourself a deadline. Don't beat yourself up for slip-ups. Just. keep. trying.

I've said it many times before and I'll say it again: being "recovered" isn't about always being happy 100% of the time—it's about knowing what to do when you're not.

No matter how many cons it might feel like there are to your leaving your eating disorder behind, one big pro outweighs them all: you getting better, you feeling better, you learning to live life again.

Put more faith in yourself than in your eating disorder. Don’t underestimate your power to move forward and stay there. It all starts with you.

There's a 4 minute video I made that I like to share when I think people need it most. Do you need it today?

For more of Arielle's Letters to YOU from over the years, go here: Arielle's Letters to YOU.
And keep fighting...because, in short, I want you to understand that...recovery is possible.

Day #8: A picture is worth a thousand words...

There was a time I felt lost and listless...sad and alone...devoid of joy.

As I progressed in recovery, I found pieces of myself I thought were lost...I learned to love myself...I regained some joy.

As I progressed from recovery to recovered, I realized I was BACK! I loved my life! I could be happy!

The picture below is worth a thousand words - not because it's a photo from my wedding day 4 years ago and I was happy to be getting married (which I was), but because it symbolizes the sheer joy I had regained. In the photo, I'm already recovered. I'm happy. Not because of a significant other, but because I loved myself and my life and was able to let joy shine through INTO me and OUT OF me.

When I look at this picture, I don't see bride. I see FREE.

Day #7: Forgotten Brothers

I can't tell you how many times I have had men or boys contact me for services in regards to eating disorders... and I've had to turn them away from the female-only support group I lead or provide them with the very minimal resources for men. I never end a conversation with one of these men without referring them elsewhere, but I always regret that there are not more places for men to go. What's more - even in some existing services, men may still feel unwelcome.

When people talk to me about eating disorders being a female problem, I try to educate them kindly - eating disorders are affecting more and more males. It's a harsh reality.

I can't imagine what it must be like to struggle with an eating disorder as a male - the horror and pain of the mental illness is terrible enough, but throw in the extra stigma of gender and these guys have got to feel even more alone than their female counterparts.

That's one of the things I try to emphasize when I do talk to men and boys with eating disorders: they are not alone. It may feel that way, but it's not true. And then I refer them to some GREAT guys out there who have struggled too - and who help other males and advocate for them!

...People like Sam Thomas and Nicholas Watts of Men Get Eating Disorders Too (MGEDT), an awesome organization working to end stigma and raise awareness, among other things!

...People like Patrick Bergstrom of I Chose to Live, a recovery movement with great resources for EVERYONE who wants to help those struggling with eating disorders.

These men choose not only to live healthily, but to BE A VOICE for other men. It's admirable and they will help create change.

So here's to our forgotten brothers - may you soon not be "forgotten" at all.

Day #4: Eating Disorder and Recovery Slogans...

#1: Eating disorders hurt. They kill. They are sneaky and secretive and lame. They do not discriminate. Anyone can be a prisoner. The slogan for eating disorders is:

I'll pull you close so you can hear
My evil whisper in your ear.

#2: Recovery is real. It's possible. It's life being lived. It's SO MUCH BETTER than life with an eating disorder. It's about the simple things, the positives, the healthy. The slogan for recovery is:

You can be free.
You hold the key.
YOU can be free.
YOU hold the key.


Recovery's slogan beats eating disorder's slogan every time. It's important to note: The first slogan is about IT. The second slogan is about YOU. I'd much rather chant

YOU CAN BE FREE. YOU HOLD THE KEY.

than

I'll pull you close so you can hear
My evil whisper in your ear.

Wouldn't you?

Chant on, friends.

Day #3: Create a Mascot...

Oh my, it's just simply so serendipitous that this prompt should pop up in the Blogger Challenge. I'm cackling to myself and beyond delighted to share with you something that came about randomly just a few days ago: Arielle's Recovery Cats.

Many of you follow me on Twitter @arielleleebair and while the account is primarily for eating disorder recovery oriented tweets, I do often tweet about my life. And when I say "life," I sometimes mean "cats."

So, I tweeted a few days back that the 2 things I tweet about the most are eating disorders and cats. I mused via Twitter how cool it would be if the two could be combined somehow. And just like that, Arielle's Recovery Cats was born.

I decided on a whim that I would post a new "Recovery Cat" each day on Twitter. A Recovery Cat is a cat (created by me) accompanied by a positive saying that's related to e/d recovery. It's like positive affirmations + a cat. I like to keep things light-hearted, simple, and of course positive.

Here are the first few Recovery Cats. I'm in the process of creating a Print Shop (which will have its own separate tab on my site) so a variety of Recovery Cats can be purchased in print, magnet, and postcard form. And maybe a few other tidbits too. So stay tuned.

 

But regardless of whether or not a Print Shop exists, you can definitely say that Arielle's Recovery Cats are the new official mascot of Actively Arielle: A Voice with a Commitment. These cats want to push your eating disorder away so they can cuddle you. :-)

So watch out, people! Arielle's Recovery Cats are coming for you! And they take eating disorder recovery very seriously!

What do YOU think about Arielle's Recovery Cats?

Emotional Abuse, Validation, and Identity

Personal Responsibilty

Support & Healthy Role Models in Preparation for International Women's Day

Arielle's Timeline to Freedom

Check it out. My Wednesday Warrior video this week is a little something different, to keep highlighting Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

Outcomes of an Eating Disorder, A Simple Chart

This is just something I wanted to share. Project "STOP Eating Disorders" put this up and I immediately liked it. It's on my Facebook Wall currently, for those of you who follow me there. It's SO, SO, SO simple, but it lays it all out clearly. You DO have options. But one is a lot better than the others. Take it to heart, today and every day. Let it sit in the back of your mind, the front of your mind, wherever you can keep it for right now.

Video: Arielle Talks About Shame

Every Week is EDAW to Arielle

If you live in the UK, my Eating Disorder Awareness Week posts (a post a day this past week) probably seemed normal. If you live in the United States, you may have been confused. EDAW in the UK began February 20^th, 2012. EDAW in the USA begins February 26^th, 2012. If you live in Canada, I missed the boat. Apparently Canada’s EDAW is always the first week in February, though I know some of the time Canada adjusts for certain US events. If you live somewhere else besides the US or UK, you’re in luck – pick a week. :) My site is dedicated to eating disorder recovery/awareness for everyone.

At first I was puzzled by the fact that this year for some reason EDAW is different weeks depending on location, when usually it is one uniform week for all. But then I decided, this is actually a GOOD thing. Considering that I live in the US, I’m fairly well-integrated into several groups/orgs that originate in the UK. I am also a member of EDAN (Eating Disorder Activist Network), which is international. And I have several good friends in the UK. Furthermore, many of my readers/viewers are not US-based. So, as an American, I hopped on UK’s Eating Disorder Awareness Week.

Now that America’s EDAW is about to kick off, I’m just continuing my post-a-day theme and you’ll get 2 full weeks of concentrated eating disorder recovery/awareness posts.

In short, 2 weeks of EDAW is better than one!

But in discussing EDAW as a theme, I’d like to talk about something important: EDAW to me, is no different than any other week. Sure, I always jump on the bandwagon of extra recovery/awareness collaborations and sharing of special events in honor of the week. But if you visit my site, you know (and have probably known for a long, long time) that eating disorder recovery and awareness is what I talk about EVERY DAY. I don’t devote a week to it. Even while trying to be international, I don’t devote just 2 weeks to it. I devote my year to it... my LIFE to it.

In my world, EDAW goes on all year long. I do the same things during EDAW that I do every week – I speak about eating disorders, I write about them, I give advice, I lead groups, I answer emails and phone calls, I make self-help videos, I try to give hope.

I said in a video from earlier this week that EDAW is your time to shout out eating disorder awareness stuff from the rooftops. Well, that’s what I do each day. It’s my essence. I can’t take time off from something so incredibly important to me, because it’s not only important to me, it’s important for the WORLD.

This isn’t a post to show you how dedicated I am – this is me pledging to you that I will never stop speaking out about issues that are vital. I’m in this for the long haul and I want you to know that if you need to take a day, a week, a month, a year off from the cause, it’s okay – because I will always be here fighting for you and using my voice.

...Because one day I want EDAW to stand for Eating Disorder Awareness WORLD, not Week.

With love and (com)passion,

Arielle

Invest in You

7 years ago, in 2005, at age 20, I wrote a letter to myself as a child.

Arielle,

Don't be afraid. I'll carry you quietly, because you need complete and unconditional love--and my arms will be full of enough understanding that I won't have to use words.

I'll show you what it is to live for you and not for others and what they say and do. I'll let you cry when you need to without feeling ashamed and I'll comfort you like a blanket that soothes all your troubles, worries, and aching limbs. I'll let you stretch into a woman and prove to you how great it can be when you accept yourself and all the changes that go along with being you.

I'll travel great distances to listen to what you have to say. I'll never make you feel alone, unwanted, slighted, or misunderstood. I'll let you be mature when you want to be and I'll let you be a child when it helps you to heal. I'll make promises and I won't break them.

I'll brush your hair. I'll rub your back. I'll sing you songs. I'll nourish you. I won't suppress you--or second-guess you--or leave you. I am invested in you.

You are important to me...because you are me.

Love, Arielle 

I share this so that you can see how genuine and real and comforting it can be. I share this so that when I invite you to write a similar letter to yourself as a child, you'll know I walk the talk. Will writing a letter to yourself as a child heal all your pain? No. Will it be that magic recipe that sends that eating disorder packing for good? Probably not. But will it help? I hope so. It certainly can't hurt.

So, your mission - if you choose to accept it - is to find a photo of yourself as a child. Happy, sad, lonely, sweet, funny, silly, whatever it is! And look into that little face. And with it next to you, grab a piece of paper and write to YOU. Or prop it in front of your computer and start typing... and write to YOU. The little you.

Why? Because it can be hard to write loving things to the adult you, the current you. (It shouldn't be! But it often is!) But it's very VERY hard to write mean, self-hating, disappointed things to a child - even when that child is you.

Give that child what it needs. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to hear. Be real. Be genuine. Be loving.

Preparing for a Rocky Road & Facing Fear of Failure

Question: 

What's the mentality of a person who wants recovery?

Answer: 

 The mentality (of a person who wants recovery) is one that will do whatever it takes to be rid of the eating disorder. The mentality is one of determination, desire, and hope.

We may not all be pillars of strength—especially in our own minds—but that doesn't mean we don't have the drive and determination to get better. If you have the real desire to truly recover, it's within your reach. And if you have the hope that it can and will happen, it's waiting for you. Understand that first and foremost, and you have taken the first step. It's a mental step, sure, but it's a significant step.

If you try to walk up the steps and the first step at the bottom is missing, you're going to trip…or worse—you're going to slip right on through and fall harder.

Mold your mentality first. Understand that you can do it. Don't try, yet still in your heart of hearts think it's impossible. You won't get anywhere that way. You'll keep hitting road blocks.

That's not to say that a path of recovery is without obstacles just because you have the right mentality. The path of recovery is going to be a difficult one no matter what, but that doesn't mean you can't travel it—it just means you have to be prepared.

And you know what happens when you manage to get to the end of a long and rocky road: the reward is that much sweeter.

For those IN recovery, I think it's only natural to be afraid your eating disorder will come back...but the important thing is that if it ever DOES come back, you have the tools to fight it

Fear is only going to bring you down. It can take quite a while to be rid of an eating disorder, especially if it has been with you for a while, and no amount of relapses makes your recovery any less valid. It is a difficult fight, but you can do it. You’ll have good days and bad days. Just remember what you truly want. If recovery is your goal, you are already far along on your journey to a better life.

Bad days are inevitable, but you can pull through. Being afraid to slip back into your eating disorder can make you run closer to recovery, but if the fear becomes so great that one setback makes you doubt yourself, you need to recognize it and fight it.

Fear like this means you’re just waiting for your eating disorder to take hold of you again. It means you don’t think you can really get away from it. And in that case, you won’t.

We are all human and one setback does not negate all the hard work you put in up until that point. You aren't starting again at square one just because you had a setback. You are working towards something that is hard to achieve and it's only natural you will have slip-ups. If you recognize that you did something you didn't like, and feel bad over it, just get back on the road to recovery. That road is always waiting. That's all there is to it: putting a slip-up behind you. Many people with eating disorders have relapses (sometimes multiple relapses) before they feel they are recovered. Just keep hopping back on the track to your goal.

Think of it this way: If you want to get from California to New York and you drive 1,000 miles, then stop your car and therefore stop making progress, you don't have to start back at California to get on your way to New York again! You are still 1,000 miles of the way there. You may have stopped and therefore your trip will take more time, but you don't have to start over. Just get back in the car and keep going. You'll get there eventually. And you can stop as many times as you want.

Put more faith in yourself than in your eating disorder. Drive that car!

 

 I believe in you!