A Brand New Motivational Mash-Up for EDAW

EDAW continues... and here is a brand new Motivational Mash-Up, much like the 11 before it, in case you need a boost. :-)

Arielle's 2013 Thanksgiving Message

My annual Thanksgiving Day video for you:

Letting Go

An interesting and often un-talked-about topic. My take on learning to live life after a long time in recovery. Recovery doesn't leave you in the lurch. It's always there if you've chosen it, but you can't stop it from letting you live life. Letting go can be a beautiful thing.

Depression as an Obstacle to Recovery from an Eating Disorder

It's a lot to fit into a 15 minute video, so keep in mind that it's not as comprehensive as it could be, but next week I will be delving into some other issues to piggyback on this topic. 

1 Minute Encouragement: Waiting Out the Storms

A very brief bonus video for this lovely weekend:

How to Compliment Yourself!

This week's Wednesday video: How to Compliment Yourself! And it's only 1 minute. ONE minute. :-)

You're Invited to a Celebration!

Need a pick-me-up? This quick, bonus video might be just the thing for today:

Relapse: Remembering What You've Learned

Last week's Wednesday video recapping and encouraging:

EDAW13: Motivational Mash-Up!

Here it is - a BRAND NEW Motivational Mash-up for Eating Disorder Awareness Week. If you're in need of some kindhearted encouragement, this is for you.

What IS Motivational Speaking?

Motivation is the desire to do things. What those "things" are is up to you. A definition for motivation is:

the act or an instance of motivating,  or providing with a reason to act in a certain way

I like to think that I do both of those things - that Actively Arielle: A Voice with a Commitment and everything this site, the videos, Twitter, and beyond stand for is pure and simple motivation.  In any case, that is my goal. Motivational speaking, broken down, is very basic, guileless, honest, and pure. It is not some grandiose thing that sets someone apart from the rest of the world. 

To me, motivational speaking is about you. For you. 

As for the speaking aspect of the term motivational speaking, there are many different ways to speak. Through spoken word, through video, through typed words on a screen, through images and declarations of encouragement...

Actions speak. And then they motivate.

Which means... (that's right!)... YOU can motivate too. 

Take a Break!

Be kind to yourself. Put yourself first. Take a break!

Arielle's Motivational Mash-Up #10

Brand new Motivational Mash-Up, much like the previous 9. This week, it's also serving as my Wednesday Warrior video. Enjoy! Stay well! Have a fabulous rest of the week!

Day #27: I can't believe that I...

I'd like to say I can't believe I fully recovered... or I can't believe I found love... or I can't believe I now help others. But those wouldn't be true statements, because I CAN believe it. I always knew I could recover. I always knew I would find love. And I always knew I had the capacity and nurturing spirit to help others. I have always believed in possibilities and my own determination.
 

What I wasn't so sure about was being able to find myself... the self I had lost. I can't believe that I...got the real Arielle back. 

I wrote a post earlier this month on my personal blog, when my mind was going back in time, remembering and realizing things of merit. When I read the Hungry for Change prompt for today, that post immediately came to my mind. I called it "The Real Arielle" and I'll share it with you, because I hope that you can get the real you back too.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be an actress. During a physical for entry to kindergarten, when asked to cover my right eye and read a chart, I pretended to faint dead away to showcase my dramatic talent.

I used to talk to anyone who would listen. I used to dance and sing. I loved everything. Everything. I didn't even know the expression back then, but I can tell you: I thought the world was my oyster.

A little later, I thought I'd be a writer, an art teacher, a mother. I had a slew of friends, an eye for clothes and shoes (even in elementary school), and if I knew the answer, then you can be damn sure I raised my hand.

I loved school, hated sports (one of my pretty little black flats once flew off my foot and across the field during a game of kickball), and life was mostly good. Whatever came my way, I could cope. I had the self-reliance, the gumption, the eternal optimism and creativity.

And then came middle school.

Popular AND a good student, I was content. Puberty hit and tossed me to the wolves. I was a victim of what has become the classic "mean girls" scenario. Shunned by all, I went home crying every day. My mother tried to console me with explanations of "They're jealous" or "It's not the end of the world," but to me, it didn't matter the reasons and to me, it was the end of the world.

It wasn't a matter of blame. When a year had passed and the bullying stopped as abruptly as it had begun, I forgave eagerly, hopeful for a better future. The "why?" never persisted - all I knew was that for some reason they had wanted to break me down, "show me". They wanted me to feel pain, to be un-popular, un-wanted, un-loved, forgotten, shunned, snubbed, and alone. Even though they were all nice once and they were all my friends, they backed each other up and ganged up on me. Ignored me. Mocked me. Wrote hateful notes to me. And the days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, and soon, a year of my childhood--and a crucial year at that--was gone. Drowned in tears of misery and loneliness.

I don't bring this up to act like a victim or to indicate in some preposterous way that these girls ruined my life. I certainly wouldn't want to be held accountable for something I did at age 11 or 12. I write about this experience merely to explain how it changed me and I take full responsibility. "Outgoing" changed to "reserved", "opinionated" became "accommodating", "present" became "hidden", "vivacious" became "subdued", "filled" became "starved".

I retreated into myself. I became a prisoner of suffering. And suffering became so familiar that I clung to it, used it to cope, used it to keep myself in check. I did it, not the girls. But it became my way of life, my new personality. And sadly, as I remained that way for years to come, it was the Arielle that everyone knew.

  

Even after the bullying had passed and other torments lingered, like my relationship with my father or the punishment I inflicted upon myself in the form of a ripening eating disorder, I was shy. Quiet. Waiting for others to speak for me. Waiting for someone else to take the lead. Reserved. Unsure.

My high school friends saw this girl. 

My college friends saw this girl. 

But before this girl existed, there was another girl. The real Arielle. The one waiting inside. The one who was actually born into this world.The vivacious, curly-headed, smiling, leader who was ready for the world to be her oyster.

Somewhere in my last year of college, along the edges of my recovery from an eating disorder, among my decision to audition for the Vagina Monologues on a whim and later perform the role I snagged, between the pages of a 90+ page undergraduate senior thesis I adored and best friend who cared for me and coaxed me into flesh and blood instead of a shell of a girl, I started to get the real Arielle back.

My husband Rick never met the shy, reserved version that had been wrapping the authentic Arielle like some flimsy paper for so many years. He met a bold woman with kind words and a flair for writing, a woman who at first glance looked as though she was coming into her own, getting started. But really, she wasn't getting started. She was going back - GETTING back - the Arielle that got lost. She wasn't reinventing, she was revisiting. 

Even as I write this, I can be sure that those of you who've met me in the last 5 years or so are sitting there in disbelief that I was ever SHY. Or RESERVED?! Yet, when I tell some of my older friends the things I'm doing, they laugh in shock the opposite way, as if to say, "You? Shy, little Arielle?" 

Three years ago when I started making weekly YouTube videos, I never dreamed I'd have over a thousand subscribers and even more viewers. But what's more, SIX years ago if you'd have suggested to me that in a few years time I'd be filming motivational speaking videos for thousands to see, I'd have laughed nervously and said, "Never! Not me!" 

But little Arielle, the actress with her delightfully staged fainting spell down pat, would have said, "Of course I'd love to speak on YouTube, but why stop there? I want to speak all over the place!" 

This post just sort of poured out of me, because earlier I had to write down some of the things I do... and I realized with a start of satisfaction that the real Arielle is here. She's been here. She's back. I'm a recovery blogger of 4+ years, an almost L.M.S.W., an ANAD eating disorder support group leader, an ANAD resource person, a speaker, President of my Graduate School's Student Association, etc. etc. etc. If I continue, it will sound more like a resume than a blog post, but the point is that... everyone who's met me in the last few years, who knows me now - they see the real me.

Someone told me the other day that I was "such a natural leader" and I laughed. But then I thought - why the hell am I laughing? People who knew you 10 years ago would laugh, but YOU don't have to laugh. This person only knows the REAL you. She never saw the other Arielle. 

This person I am now, it's not someone NEW. It's not an evolution. It's who I've been ALL ALONG. So if you knew me in the dark days, that's what I'm trying to tell you. And if you know me in the bright days, you're lucky. Because here I am! It's me. The real Arielle.

Day #19: Write a Love Life Limerick

I'm assuming today's prompt is about loving life and not your actual love life, because that doesn't seem as cohesive with eating disorder recovery. :-) Regardless, I'm a writer, so once I start writing limericks, I just can't stop!

Here are two of the several of wrote, because I have 17,304 things to do today, all of which fall under the category of living and loving life! :-)

I hope you can pocket these and take them with you when you need a pick-me-up. They're encouraging and true!

Love Life Limerick #1:

There's so much just waiting for you -
There's no end to what you can do.
So believe in yourself,
Put the past on a shelf,
And life will believe in you too!


 Love Life Limerick #2:

Today is a gift and it's here!
Let go of the worry and fear.
Embrace what you've got,
And call every shot,
'Cause you are the boss now, my dear!

©Arielle Lee Bair
Rock on, limerick lovers!

Day #11: I want you to understand that...

I could write a letter to society at large...or to parents of those with eating disorders...or to professionals who deal with those with eating disorders...or to magazine editors...or treatment center staff...

But instead, I'd really like to write to YOU. I'd really like to write to those WITH eating disorders. The ones who are struggling...who haven't yet chosen recovery...or the ones who have finally decided to make that leap, but are afraid...or the ones who have been at recovery for so long it's become a big mountain they are growing tired of climbing...

Because...

I want you to understand that...

Recovery is possible.

It's not a guarantee. It's a possibility.

It's not simple. It is difficult and sometimes seems impossible.

It's not a one-step process. It's a multi-step process complete with twists and turns and bending roads...and roads you didn't even know were there.

It's not the same for everyone.

It's not always a happy process. It's not always a sad process.

It IS empowering.

It's not about pleasing other people. It is not about them.

It's about YOU.

It's not about perfection. It IS about emotion. It IS about honesty. It IS about self-discovery and self-affirmation.

It's not about what you don't have. It's about using what you've got.

It's not about hiding. It's about finding and displaying.

It's not a quick-fix. It's a lifelong plan set into motion by truth and nurturing and self-love.

It's not about external factors or environment. It IS about what's within.

It is not crazy. It IS real.

Recovery is possible.

The length of time isn't what's important. It can take 3 years or 30 years. The goal is to get to the point where you can say, “I'm free” and mean it. Don't give yourself a deadline. Don't beat yourself up for slip-ups. Just. keep. trying.

I've said it many times before and I'll say it again: being "recovered" isn't about always being happy 100% of the time—it's about knowing what to do when you're not.

No matter how many cons it might feel like there are to your leaving your eating disorder behind, one big pro outweighs them all: you getting better, you feeling better, you learning to live life again.

Put more faith in yourself than in your eating disorder. Don’t underestimate your power to move forward and stay there. It all starts with you.

There's a 4 minute video I made that I like to share when I think people need it most. Do you need it today?

For more of Arielle's Letters to YOU from over the years, go here: Arielle's Letters to YOU.
And keep fighting...because, in short, I want you to understand that...recovery is possible.

Arielle's Letters to YOU

I'd like to direct your attention to the "Arielle's Letters to YOU" tab at the header of my site. It's a place where I compiled all my letters and main messages to you - the ones written directly to YOU.

You can click here to view Arielle's Letters to YOU. It seems appropriate to direct you there during Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I hope you'll give it a look. You don't have to read all the letters. You can read the ones that jump out at you, the ones you need.

On that page you will find the letters (from 2007 to 2012) entitled:

• You Are Invited to A Celebration (a post from last week in honor of EDAW and YOU)
• Dear Readers, You Are Not Alone
• You Are Beautiful
• What Gives You Hope?
• Appreciate Today
• An Important Message
• A Word to Worried Parents
• Letter to All
• The Rope
• You Are a Beautiful Flower
• I Invite You to Live

I hope you'll read them, take them to heart, and continue on this journey of life.

Important Words for the Holidays

Hey, You! Yes, You!

Stop. Watch. Listen. It's short and sweet.

Happy Thanksgiving: Motivational Mash-Up #7

Fellow Americans, enjoy the day. Encouraging words for this holiday can be found on my blog from earlier years here Thanksgiving Message from Arielle, here Happy Thanksgiving...Don't Stress, and here Happy Thanksgiving 2007.

Hopefully this new Motivational Mash-Up will help give you a boost.

Motivational Mash-Up #5!

As of today, I have 815 subscribers on YouTube, not including Facebook viewers and other blog followers. I appreciate all of you. Thanks so much for watching. If you haven't subscribed yet, take a second to do so - I don't post every video here on the blog, so by subscribing you do get more "bonus" videos and easier access to my regular Wednesday Warriors videos.