Doing for Others Without Becoming Overwhelmed

This week's video is a response to a question and is a rather informal video. Thanks for watching. :-)

 

Bravery As a Stepping Stone

Continuing the theme of bravery, this week I talk about bravery as a stepping stone. I clearly highlight the difference between being aggressive and being assertive...so check it out if you need the reminder. :-)

Self-Awareness: Being Accountable

This week, I talked about Wanting Recovery vs. Actually Recovering, specifically as those things relate to taking responsibility/being accountable + mastering self-awareness. It's a great topic for all folks, regardless of your recovery status or if you even have a history of an eating disorder.

RELAPSES versus Setbacks

This week's video details the difference between setbacks/slip-ups and relapses, but I also provide encouragement, prevention measures, and how to improve your awareness.

EDAW13: Wednesday Warrior

This week's usual Wednesday video is up. The topic this week is "How You Can Use Your Voice." It's meant to be directly associated with Eating Disorder Awareness Week...but you know what? The best way you can REALLY use your voice is below... and it's important during EDAW and beyond.

EDAW13: Motivational Mash-Up!

Here it is - a BRAND NEW Motivational Mash-up for Eating Disorder Awareness Week. If you're in need of some kindhearted encouragement, this is for you.

Positive Changes

Anxiety Solutions

This week's video is on Anxiety Solutions. Anxiety often accompanies an eating disorder...and even recovery from an eating disorder. I discuss some useful tools for managing anxiety and remembering that you don't have to give anxiety all your power.

Stopping Yourself in the Midst of a Bad Decision

Last week, I talked about ways to stop yourself in the midst of a bad decision. I made a video in which I discussed some concrete ideas for re-training yourself, re-directing yourself, and understanding that what you're doing is destructive. The video targets unhealthy behaviors like binging, purging, and obsessive weighing on a scale. I recognize that not everyone with an eating disorder utilizes these unhealthy behaviors, as eating disorders are varied and as individual as the people who struggle with them... but I also know that many, many people out there are looking for applicable ways to help stop these behaviors.

Don't be hard on yourself. Allow the learning process. Don't berate yourself for failures. Instead, take pride in small accomplishments and in the very act of trying to change your bad behaviors. Effort is commendable.

I hope you can find the video helpful: Stopping Yourself in the Midst of a Bad Decision

Quick Lessons from Arielle

This week's video is comprised of some quick lessons. Take them to heart. :-)

A New Year of Gratitude

Crisis: Coping with Transition; Coping with PTSD

I have been continuing the 4 week rotation on crisis. Week one, I talked about Crisis in the form of loss of a support team or member of your support team. Week two, I talked about Crisis in the form of the death of a loved one or a large scale disaster (like a hurricane). Below are the videos for weeks 3 and 4. 

Coping with Transition or a New Place:



PTSD:

Thanksgiving Message from Arielle

If today is hard for you, the message below is for you. It's my annual Thanksgiving message, and regardless of whether you're an American who celebrates this holiday or are living elsewhere, the message is still relevant. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and celebrate how far you have come today. It's all about gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hero?

My dear, delightful, and beautiful friend Tracey surprised me the other day by nominating me for the 2012 Health Activist Hero Award at WEGO Health. I visited Facebook to find that she had posted the nomination link and a message suggesting people vote for me in a variety of different groups and on my own Facebook wall.

Other friends and followers have joined in too and I am ever thankful. The page to nominate someone is here:
http://info.wegohealth.com/health-activist-awards-2012/ and the specific award would be Health Activist Hero if you want to follow Tracey's lead. :-)

I'm honored to be nominated and want you to know that regardless of any award recognition, I will never stop using my voice to support you, teach you, and advocate for you.

Thank you again!

When Friends Don't Understand Your Eating Disorder

Due to Hurricane Sandy, I was without power and unable to give you a Wednesday video this past week. Next week, all will continue as planned. I hope everyone is safe and warm. I did do a guest post for Libero Network which was posted on Wednesday, though, so I thought I'd share that with you, albeit a bit late:

Here is a snippet. You can read the rest by clicking the link:

When Friends Don’t Understand
Your Eating Disorder

by Arielle Lee Bair

---

At the beginning of 2011, I received a message that prompted a lengthy response from me and has since generated a lot of discussion. I often refer back to my response to the original message, because I have been asked similar questions time and time again. Sometimes friendships and relationships can be so emotionally charged that it’s difficult to see things objectively. And as many of us know, sometimes eating disorders muddy the waters of friendships even further. Below is the original (shortened) message and my response, with the hope that it will give some clarity to others who are dealing with the same dilemma.


(Read the full post at Libero Network...)

There are also some related video links posted there as well. Thanks to Lauren Bersaglio for featuring my post. Libero Network is full of resources.

Body Flaws

Comparisons

More Recovery Questions: Recovered and the Now

Finishing up the 4 week rotation on recovery questions:

Ways to COPE!

Tried and true (and specific) ways to COPE, with a spin. :-)

Mastering Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a funny thing. It molds us, shapes us, teaches us, and impacts us. Without self-awareness, we cannot learn about ourselves. Without learning about ourselves, we cannot grow. Without growth, we remain stagnant and unfulfilled.

The thing about self-awareness is that it is not always pleasant. Sometimes we notice things about ourselves that we would rather push back under the rug. Sometimes we discover things that make us say, “Aha!” and revelation breaks through pain. Other times, self-awareness is uncomfortable. We become aware, maybe reluctantly...maybe even accidentally...and then we must face ourselves. We must look in that figurative mirror and ascertain what to do with what we see there.

I will not be so bold as to say that I have mastered self-awareness, but in the last several years I have become adept at seeing myself, knowing myself, and using what I see and know to live a life that feels right for me. I have also learned that self-awareness and writing go hand in hand most of the time, at least for me. I am able to process through feelings, observations, and discoveries – and by the time pages have been filled up with words, I feel I have learned a lesson or come to terms with whatever is at hand.

In a way, self-awareness is like telling yourself your own story – but without the flowery language, the sugar-coated details, and the rose-colored glasses. “Sit down right here, Arielle, and let me tell you the story of you today. Let me explain to you how this affects you, why this affects you, and what it all might mean.” That’s sort of how my mind works through whatever is present on a given day. Sometimes it’s a matter of using all my strength to push away a boulder that’s in my way so I can see the light behind it. Sometimes it’s like unraveling knots in otherwise smooth yarn. Sometimes I must open a door I would rather keep closed.

But self-awareness makes for a better person, and I’ve come to see self-awareness as an adventure. Sometimes you like it and sometimes you don’t. But you’re taking the journey with yourself. Sometimes it’s a bumpy ride. Sometimes it’s a smooth one. You are both the driver AND the passenger.

Though I am of course learning lessons every day, I feel that I have a keen and sharp sense of self. Why? Self-awareness. If I can be an expert of nothing else, I want to be an expert of ME.

Allow me to go back to the door analogy. “Sometimes I must open a door I would rather keep closed.” We are complex individuals – each and every one of us - and it is perfectly natural for even the most put-together, happy-go-lucky, and self-assured people to shy away from self-awareness at times. The smallest things in every day life factor into self-awareness. Self-awareness doesn’t have to be about life-altering, game-changing instances. It doesn’t even have to be about problems. At the core, self-awareness is simply about emotions. That’s it. Emotions.

Emotions fuel reactions.
Emotions fuel actions.
Emotions determine mood.
Emotions guide decisions.

Emotions, it turns out, are incredibly important.

 But sometimes they feel larger than we are. Sometimes we don’t want to believe them. Sometimes we pretend they don’t exist. Sometimes we embrace them in order to escape other, scarier ones. There are as many scenarios as there are emotions.

But as a pioneer of your own self, you go forward. So, you open that door you would rather keep closed. And you back away, off to the side, not quite ready to deal with what may be behind it. You might stand aloof, listening while pretending not to listen. Or maybe it’s the other way around – perhaps you pretend to listen to what’s behind that door, all the while still not yet invested. You keep your distance, but you still opened the door, so it’s not like you’re not paying attention, right? It’s not like you’re not being self-aware, right?

But then, something calls to you. You don’t want to face it, but you’re ready to listen. So you stand tentatively, your ear pressed to the open door.

And now you’ve been drawn into the journey. You wait, listening, maybe even arguing with yourself. “Do I really feel that way?” “Of course I don’t feel that way.” “Or do I?” “That’s not how I operate!” “Can it be true?” “That’s not why I act the way I do!” You’re so close to whipping your head around to the other side of the open door, to give what’s waiting there a piece of your mind... but that would mean you have to face it... and not all the things we learn about ourselves feel good.

And then, eventually, with a little gasp, you let yourself not only hear it, but recognize it, whatever it is. “I guess I AM jealous of that person.” “Maybe that IS why I get so angry about that.” “I wish I hadn’t done that. I guess I really DO regret it.” “Wow – I wanted to think I was, but I’m NOT okay with it.” Then wide-eyed and nodding, you’ve stopped the denial/defiant ego/self-pity/awkwardness.

And you know what you must do. You began this self-awareness thing. You opened that door. Now you’ve got to face whatever is back there.

And even though it might not make you jump for joy or grin ear to ear, it’s usually never as bad as it felt at first. And by staring through that door into whatever is there with 1) a little confidence, 2) the reminder that you’re human, and 3) the desire to learn about yourself, you’re one step closer to being a master of self-awareness.

The intricate workings of ourselves deserve time, attention, appreciation, and care. You can’t give any those things to yourself if you’re working behind a closed door. Open it. And even if it takes a while, don’t be afraid to look inside.