Arielle Gets to the Heart of the Matter

If you have a minute and a half to spare and you struggle with body image, this video is for you.

Make-Up Ponderings

Without further ado, today I discuss make-up... I clean... I ponder... I ask you to ponder... and I share with you my very packed and messy bathroom of beauty products... I ramble... I laugh... I muse...Enjoy the informal randomness and ponder along with me, folks.

Hey, girls! You Need to Hear This!

I received an email from someone asking for advice on how to talk to a 12 year old girl about body dissatisfaction, comparisons to others, and negative self-worth. It got me thinking - like REALLY thinking - so I filmed an 8 minute video, specifically for girls. You know...those wonderful little creatures who grow up to be women. Do you have a daughter? A grand-daughter? A niece? A little sister? A student? If there is any girl in your life, this is what I want to tell her. This is what she needs to hear. It's not about eating disorders. It's about self-love. It's about life.

Body Flaws

Comparisons

Insecure

Something completely different for your Wednesday Warrior video this week: slam poetry from Arielle. It's doubling as a Wednesday Warrior video and a video in my new Poetry Series, simply because it can! We're currently doing a 4 week rotation on Acceptance, and this week's specific topic is Insecurities.

Enjoy! Take your power back!

Your Life Raft

Today, I thought I'd bring back a little post I first wrote 4 years ago by plumping it up, by revisiting it, by remembering it.. Today, I spoke to a group of women about eating disorders. We got on the very broad topic of 'this world in which we live.' It's a difficult place for people...especially for women. We throw around these terms: "society," "the media," "the diet industry," etc. And none of these things cause eating disorders. Eating disorders are mental illnesses. Yet, there are a lot of things out there that perpetuate the idea that it's all about the way you look. That it's all about what you wear, what size you are, how much you weigh... That it's all about your appearance.

Well I have news for you: there is a lot more to you than that. A LOT. And I hear you - I know you're being told left and right that there isn't. So it's hard to know what to think. I get that. And that's why: Appreciating Yourself is Your Life Raft in the Waters of Criticism.

That was the title of my 4-year-old post.

It’s easy to get swept up in the swirl of the world. You go to school or work and you see and hear things that make you feel inadequate. There are a lot of things out there that influence us, whether we like it or not. And in a lot of ways, it can be a good thing. Many of us have friends with whom we have a great time, family about whom we love and care, and things we enjoy doing, watching, or reading. And that’s okay. 

But when you already feel a certain way and suddenly you can feel that something around you is pulling you to feel another way, you need to stop and think for a minute. A minute is all it takes. You’ve heard the advice: “Go with your first instinct.” Well, in this case, you usually should. If something you see or hear or read makes you second guess how you FEEL about yourself, it’s best to examine it. 

Don’t get me wrong—it’s great when we see or hear or read something that makes us question our thoughts or our knowledge about something. It’s good to be open to other opinions, possibilities, and viewpoints. We can learn a lot by paying attention to the world around us. Just don’t let something make you feel like less of a person if you didn’t feel that way before.

If your peers are telling you something negative (that you’re fat, ugly, etc.) or worse—if your friends (which is questionable to say the least) are saying things that make you feel bad about the way you look—don’t let them bring you down to a place where you want to change to please them. Working to please others or to make others like you is no way to live and is, frankly, a recipe for disaster. At the end of the day, all you have is YOU.

Not all criticism is constructive.

Appreciating yourself is your life raft in the waters of criticism.

 

For girls and women, especially, life can become a competition. You want to be pretty, you want to be smart, you want to be thin. You want to make sure you are as good as everyone around you. Sometimes it can feel hard to measure up. Sometimes the people you’re trying to measure up against TELL you that you aren’t good enough in some way. You’re not pretty enough. You’re not smart enough. You’re not thin enough. Your clothes aren’t nice enough. Your job isn't good enough. Your grades aren't good enough.Your haircut isn’t cute enough. The list can be never-ending.

You’ll never be able to please everyone. And you’ll never be able to hold yourself above the water if you let other people pull you under. And drowning is a horrible way to die.

Really, it’s all about survival. You can’t let people--or things you see, hear, or read--get the better of you. If you read in a magazine that being a certain size makes you somehow less appealing to the world at large, but you felt okay about your size before you read it, listen to your first instinct—that you are fine the way you are. Don’t buy into the negative pull. If your friends, school peers, co-workers, and/or family say something that makes you feel negatively about yourself, just remember that what they say doesn’t determine what you are. And for everyone who says something that makes you feel bad, there may be just as many people who see you as great in a lot ways.

If you see an ad on TV and it makes you wonder if you should try to change yourself in some way, don’t let something you see for two minutes on TV influence you into thinking you’d be better off looking different. You have your own mind; use it.

Appreciating yourself is your life raft in the waters of criticism.

You write your own story. You can change anything you want or choose not to change. And you can add a new chapter whenever you feel like it. You don’t need something external telling you what and how to change. All throughout your life, people are going to offer their opinions whether you like it or not. Sometimes a person’s opinion will help you…and sometimes it will hurt you. It’s up to you to learn the difference. In fact, there are a lot of things out there in the world that can help us…and there are just as many things that can hinder us. A minute of thought can make a world of difference when it comes to deciding whether or not to think negatively about yourself.

When it comes right down to it, no one else anywhere is YOU. You are the only you. There’s no one out there like you. So you can’t go wrong looking the way you do. You can’t go wrong being what you are. You are you and that is the way you were meant to be. It’s okay and natural to feel unsure about the way you look sometimes, or to feel unsure about the things you think or do, but if you’re feeling good about yourself, don’t ever let anyone make you think differently. When you give in to a negative thought about yourself, you’re relinquishing a little piece of yourself. If you continue to do that, pretty soon you’ll have surrendered a lot of pieces. You’ll be weaker and more unsure than ever.

Appreciating yourself is your life raft in the waters of criticism.

It can get pretty difficult dealing with lots of things and people around you, especially if they are undermining your confidence in yourself. But you know what? It takes a very strong person to make it through and come out on top—to come out feeling okay. To come out knowing you are great just the way you are. To come out better because you know this.

Don’t give up on yourself. You have all the power.

How great is that?

YOU have all the power.

 

And you are beautiful - outside, inside, and everywhere in between. Just as you are.

Summer Stress

A bit short, and not terribly thorough, but I do link to 3 other videos I've done in the past because I didn't want to repeat myself. :-) If you click to watch directly on YouTube you can snag those older links in the info box.

Why "We Are the Real Deal" is the Place to Be

If you haven't done so already, you really need to visit We Are the Real Deal. Yes, I'm a contributor there, but that's not why I'm plugging it. The site is amazing in a number of ways:

1. It has a plethora of resources for things eating disorder, body image, and health & wellness related.
2. You can be introduced to a variety of awesome bloggers who are passionate about promoting a FANTASTIC and healthy society.
3. There are always new blog posts ranging from funny to insightful to inspiring.
4. It's a place that joins professionals with activists with creative minds with writers with readers - and everyone in between! And all those who manage to fit into more than one category. :-)
5. The mission statement ROCKS: http://wearetherealdeal.com/about/mission/
6. YOU rock - and everyone at We Are the Real Deal is all about celebrating that.

So what are you waiting for? Are you ready for the real deal? I'm so PROUD to be part of this.

Body Checking & Mirrors

This week's video deals with something I think is fairly common, even among people without eating disorders. Check it out. Maybe you do it. :)

Progression of Positive (Affirmations)

Today, I'd like to tell you a story.

It's about why I believe wholeheartedly in the power of positive affirmations.

About 8 years ago, University of Delaware, my undergraduate alma mater, held a Love Your Body week. I know many of you are familiar with this. One of the items that was being handed out was a door-hanger that read: BEAUTY IS NOT A STATE OF BODY. IT'S A STATE OF MIND.

I loved it from the second I saw it, but in a hopeful way. I wanted to soak up the wisdom of that statement. I wanted to wake up with a smile every morning knowing it was really true. In short, I had an eating disorder coupled with intense self-perception problems, and that door-hanger made me feel good.

So I took it back to the dorm with me. And I hung it on my door. And I looked at it every day. And I wrote "BEAUTY IS NOT A STATE OF BODY. IT'S A STATE OF MIND" in my notebooks in class. And I wrote it in my journal. And I tried to remember it when I looked in the mirror and hated the image of the girl looking back at me.

Sometime shortly after that, I happened upon this quote by Janis Joplin:

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."

I really, really liked it. I read it and knew instinctively that it was true. At the end of the day, it's only you. If you give up everything, there's still you. If something or someone takes everything away from you, you're still left. You are all you've got.

So I decided that compromising myself, as Janis put it, was going to have to end. I wasn't stupid - I knew I couldn't make a decision like that and automatically stick to it. I also knew that as much as I might want to love myself and believe in myself and think I was great/smart/pretty/special, it wasn't going to happen overnight. I wished I had a Janis Joplin magic wand that I could aim at myself and suddenly embody that quote of hers.

I did the best thing I could think of that would instill her words in my brain and her message in my heart. I printed out that quote and I stuck it on my mirror. Every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw that quote. Every time I thought self-hating things about my body, that quote was there in the image too, reminding me that I shouldn't compromise myself because I am all I have.

That quote stayed on my mirror for years. I moved it around with me from place to place, even from mirror to mirror. Sometimes another quote of merit joined it for a time, but always that Janis Joplin message was there. I began to think of it like an item on a To-Do List. Like, "Don't forget the milk." Instead, it was, "Don't forget - don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got." 

You can't read something multiple times a day (especially at your most vulnerable and self-hating moments in front of the mirror) and not start to believe it and take it to heart. 

It started to work its magic, slowly but surely. Years later, when I moved into my first house with Rick, I framed my little Janis Joplin quote and hung it in my bathroom - next to the mirror. It's still there. It's no longer a reminder not to compromise myself. Now, it's a reminder of my journey and path to self-love.

I look in the mirror and smile. I see that Arielle woman in the glass and I like her. I like her face, I like her body, I like her stance on life. I've come a long way from that girl who criticized every inch of herself...that girl who thought she needed a tan, shinier hair, more muscle, more height... that girl who thought she was too fat, too big...that girl who told herself she had dry skin, dull hair, small breasts, not-white-enough teeth, and even went as far as to make the declaration that her eyelashes were too short.

I'm confident. I'm brave. I'm great. I'm beautiful. I'm me. And I don't and won't compromise myself. I'm all I've got. So I don't need that quote on my mirror to remind me anymore. But I keep it...because sometimes... I like to see it there next to my reflection in the mirror and say, "Thanks, Janis."

I

The "Perfect" Recovery

And last week's video: THE "PERFECT" RECOVERY.

This is a really important one. This notion of the "perfect" recovery can be so detrimental to recovery itself. Don't compare yourself to others and don't compare your recovery to anyone else's recovery!

Resisting Internalization of Societal Ideals

And one from 3 weeks ago...

on Resisting Internalization of Societal Ideals. :)

Be Body Positive!

Today and every day, be body positive! Check it out: Be Body Positive!

Dieting, the Diet Industry, and Eating Disorders

This week's video topic is the diet industry and other related aspects.

Appreciating Your Body

This week's topic is an important one. I had to cut my video down from its original 17+ minutes because I had too much to say!

Be Inspired All Year Long

A fellow blogger, Sandy of the blog toy with me, shared with me a fantastic calendar for a fantastic cause. You can read all about it (and see it and buy it) here and I hope you will. Words really cannot do justice to the theme of this calendar, so please check out her recent blog post "Why I'm Posing Naked. On a Horse" for more info. In short, she and other bloggers have posed in a beautiful and inspiring calendar to raise awareness of eating disorders and support the National Association of Eating Disorders in the process.

Clothes, Shopping, & Eating Disorders

Here's this past week's Wednesday video. I've talked about this topic before, so I linked to 3 other videos of mine as well towards the end of the video if you are interested in further thoughts/advice/suggestions.

Follow Up On the Beauty Message Challenge

If you haven't already read my recent post on the Beauty Message Challenge, you can do so here. Then, here's a video in which I discuss my experience with the BMC and give both an update and a special message to all of you.


You are beautiful!

You are Beautiful!

You remember my post about the Beauty Message Challenge? Well, my 10 days have elapsed and I'm ready to share them with you. (A video post will follow later this weekend.)

Day One

I posted two messages about The Beauty Message Challenge on the Facebook profiles of 2 beautiful women, telling them in frank terms that they are beautiful no matter what size they are and that no one is beautiful the way they are.

I also went to dinner with my friend Beth and gave her a little speech right outside the restaurant as we waited for a table to free up. This is what I told her:

Day Two

I posted two messages about The Beauty Message Challenge on the Facebook profiles of 2 more beautiful women, telling them in frank terms that they are beautiful because they are one of a kind and very strong.

I also called my mother and told her over the phone what The Beauty Message Challenge was all about - and that I was doing my own spin on it. "So Mom," I said, "I wanted to tell you that YOU are beautiful. And the reason..." She began to laugh, which interrupted me. "Mom, why are you laughing? Don't laugh at me. I'm being serious. You are beautiful and I'm not afraid to tell you." She quieted. I continued, "The reason you are beautiful is because you are funny and you're not afraid to be yourself. You look great for your age, you're pretty and--"

It was around this time that she interrupted again. She said, "You're going to make me cry in the middle of Target."

To which I said, "That would be kind of cool," and chuckled. But then continued, "And you've always been a wonderful mother and I love you."

Day Three

I found the most beautiful(!) card for my friend Jen. It's made by Blue Mountain Arts and they might as well be making cards for The Beauty Message Challenge, because it (and others like it) were perfect for my purposes this week, as you can see.

I popped it in the mail to Jen with a typed page explaining further reasons why she is beautiful and describing The Beauty Message Challenge. I also sent her a CD I hope will be a peaceful gift. Jen is beautiful AND planning her wedding (next month!) right now, so she definitely deserves to hear both the words written in the card and the CD.

I then posted two more messages on the Facebook profiles of two new beautiful women, letting them know they are beautiful, strong, and wonderful.

Day Four

I mailed a special card to my best friend, Libes. It said what I wanted it to say - and what it didn't say, I wrote in myself. :) What did I add? That she's beautiful because she's family oriented, always there for me, has a great body and smile, is fun with a capital F, and much much more. I can't put into the words the beauty of Libes, but she certainly deserves to hear it!

Day Five

I brought a special card into work for my co-worker, Kathy. And I made sure to write in it: "You are beautiful AND I'm not afraid to tell you! A special card for a special woman." I explained to her face to face what the Beauty Message Challenge was all about and handed her the card. :) (She told me later that she has the card displayed at home.)

Day Six

I emailed my friend Alicia and let her know she was beautiful and why in detail. I mean, who wouldn't want to get an email with the subject line: "You are beautiful :)" first thing in the morning? Alicia is one of my dearest friends and is beautiful inside and out.

Day Seven

I sent a message to my friend Huoi. I told her about the BMC and why I think she's beautiful. She's a hard-working doctor and definitely deserves to know!

Day Eight

I brought a special card into work for my friend Val. The card was all about how she is strong, and of course, beautiful. She opened it up and started crying. Her other reactions? She gave me a hug (still crying) and said, "Well I'm not afraid to tell you you're beautiful! I tell you all the time!" which made me laugh.

Day Nine

I sent a message to my friend Sarah telling her about the BMC and explaining why I think she's beautiful. Will she take on the BMC herself and tell herself she's beautiful each day for 10 days? I don't know... but she should, because she's very beautiful. She's in Jen's wedding with me and I love spending time with her. We've been friends since 1st grade!

Day Ten

Day Ten is today - the last day of the BMC. I have a card in my purse that is ready to be given to a co-worker after the weekend is over. She was out for a few days at the end of this work week, so I wasn't able to give it to her when planned. But today, I am telling all of you that YOU are beautiful. It's true. You read the blog, you take the words to heart, and you fight your own fight every single day. There's lots of beauty going on here.

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If there's one thing I discovered during my version of the Beauty Message Challenge, it's that women got embarrassed when I told them they were beautiful, and further embarrassed when I began to tell them why. Some blushed, some interrupted me because they were so surprised, and some cried. What kind of world do we live in when women have such a reaction to being told the TRUTH, that they are beautiful?

I also noticed that as I was telling the separate women they were beautiful (and why) in my variety of ways, I often got choked up or emotional myself. I meant what I said (or wrote) to everyone I told and I wish everyone could hear it a million times over.

One of my favorite sayings of all time is: "Beauty is not a state of body. It's a state of mind." I say this and write this constantly. I love it. But you know what, ladies? Your bodies are beautiful too.

Today, don't argue with me. Accept that you are beautiful. Accept that I think you are. And you know what else? I'm beautiful too. :)