This week's video is on Anxiety Solutions. Anxiety often accompanies an eating disorder...and even recovery from an eating disorder. I discuss some useful tools for managing anxiety and remembering that you don't have to give anxiety all your power.
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Eating Disorders, OCD, and Anxiety
This week I discuss these 3 and how they are linked. I also discuss ways of dealing with anxiety, and disclose a bit of personal information, which is not very typical for me. :)
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Struggling with Growing Up
A reader asks,
"There are still things that I struggle with that I do not blog about, such as how my eating disorder is related to my fears of growing up and regression issues. I think a lot of people with EDs struggle with fears of growing up and regression- especially adolescents. I feel like a lot of people know that they struggle with this, but they're not very open about it. I would love to see you post something about eating disorders and fears of growing up. I've done my research and my therapist also tells me it is very common."
It is quite common. You're not alone. My hardest time within my own eating disorder was when I went away to college. I was turning 18 and everything seemed like a huge transition for me. I was becoming an adult, I was adapting to living on my own, I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted. I was making new kinds of friends. I was becoming more and more independent. It was very strange and made me very anxious.
I remember a time, as an older adolescent, that being dependent on my parents just seemed safer to me. It felt more natural and more comforting. I felt like growing up was completely out of my comfort zone.
And I think that's really what's at the heart of this issue: growing up feels unnatural. Why? Because you are so used to being young. You aren't used to being an adult because you've never been one yet. So how can you like it? Understand it? Be okay with it?
Some people are just better at adapting than others. I wasn't one of those people. I was anxious and I was looking for a way to make myself feel better about the whole thing. Cue eating disorder. I don't mean to say that my eating disorder stemmed completely from the fear of growing up, but that fear certainly played a part in my anxiety, in my transitional thinking, and in my eating disorder development.
I think being a kid is (normally) associated with feeling safe. So NOT being a kid often feels like the opposite.
The question then becomes, my friends, WHAT can you do to make you feel safer as you embark upon the journey of growing up? What's going to make you feel better about the whole strange thing?
A few suggestions:
1) Don't let go of childhood completely. Keep something with you/near you that represents comfort to you, whether it be a blanket, a picture, a stuffed animal, a book, a doll, etc. You'd be surprised how the memories and the feelings that go along with that object sink into your subconscious when you look at it/hold it while you're feeling anxious.
2) Talk to someone (or more than one someone!) who represents great adulthood to you. Someone you admire. Someone who is not very far from your own age. For example, if you're 18, maybe someone in their mid to late 20s would be able to make you realize that growing up can be just as good as staying a kid. Seek someone out who embodies positivity... someone who can be a role model... someone you like to be around. Let those encounters/talks/discussions be a guide into the future.
3) Remember that you're not alone. Everyone grows up sometimes. It's not necessarily a fun process, but it doesn't have to be terrible. Ask yourself why you're really afraid. What is it specifically about growing up that makes you so anxious that you want to regress?
"There are still things that I struggle with that I do not blog about, such as how my eating disorder is related to my fears of growing up and regression issues. I think a lot of people with EDs struggle with fears of growing up and regression- especially adolescents. I feel like a lot of people know that they struggle with this, but they're not very open about it. I would love to see you post something about eating disorders and fears of growing up. I've done my research and my therapist also tells me it is very common."
It is quite common. You're not alone. My hardest time within my own eating disorder was when I went away to college. I was turning 18 and everything seemed like a huge transition for me. I was becoming an adult, I was adapting to living on my own, I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted. I was making new kinds of friends. I was becoming more and more independent. It was very strange and made me very anxious.
I remember a time, as an older adolescent, that being dependent on my parents just seemed safer to me. It felt more natural and more comforting. I felt like growing up was completely out of my comfort zone.
And I think that's really what's at the heart of this issue: growing up feels unnatural. Why? Because you are so used to being young. You aren't used to being an adult because you've never been one yet. So how can you like it? Understand it? Be okay with it?
Some people are just better at adapting than others. I wasn't one of those people. I was anxious and I was looking for a way to make myself feel better about the whole thing. Cue eating disorder. I don't mean to say that my eating disorder stemmed completely from the fear of growing up, but that fear certainly played a part in my anxiety, in my transitional thinking, and in my eating disorder development.
I think being a kid is (normally) associated with feeling safe. So NOT being a kid often feels like the opposite.
The question then becomes, my friends, WHAT can you do to make you feel safer as you embark upon the journey of growing up? What's going to make you feel better about the whole strange thing?
A few suggestions:
1) Don't let go of childhood completely. Keep something with you/near you that represents comfort to you, whether it be a blanket, a picture, a stuffed animal, a book, a doll, etc. You'd be surprised how the memories and the feelings that go along with that object sink into your subconscious when you look at it/hold it while you're feeling anxious.
2) Talk to someone (or more than one someone!) who represents great adulthood to you. Someone you admire. Someone who is not very far from your own age. For example, if you're 18, maybe someone in their mid to late 20s would be able to make you realize that growing up can be just as good as staying a kid. Seek someone out who embodies positivity... someone who can be a role model... someone you like to be around. Let those encounters/talks/discussions be a guide into the future.
3) Remember that you're not alone. Everyone grows up sometimes. It's not necessarily a fun process, but it doesn't have to be terrible. Ask yourself why you're really afraid. What is it specifically about growing up that makes you so anxious that you want to regress?
Monday, November 23, 2009
Question # 14: Eating with Others
Question # 14 comes from an Anonymous Commenter. Anonymous writes:
"How can I stay with people when I've eaten? I feel so... dirty! It makes me anxious. It makes me cry..."
I can't tell you how many people I know or know OF who feel the exact same way. If nothing else, this question should serve to make you feel less alone.
Here's something to try. Examine the situation. Why does it make you feel so dirty? Is it because you are ashamed? Because you're being watched? Because you're uncomfortable? Because you want to get rid of what you've eaten? Because you wish you hadn't eaten it? Because you feel smothered when you're not alone? Because you dislike the way the food in your body makes you feel? WHAT IS IT?
Try to tap into the feeling. What is it that makes you feel so dirty? Once you can pinpoint why you feel the way you do, you can start to do something about. You can start to train yourself to think differently or feel differently.
I suggest keeping a food journal--but not of how much you've eaten. Try keeping a journal of what you eat, when you eat, and who you eat with--and the emotions you feel in relation to each scenario. If you notice patterns, you can start to work with them. You can start to change the reality of your situations. If you notice that you feel "dirtier" or more "anxious" with a certain person or with a certain crowd, you can delve deeper and examine why that is. What is it about that person or those people that makes you feel uncomfortable eating with them?
If you notice you feel "dirtier" or more "anxious" at certain times of the day, say at dinner with people opposed to at breakfast with people, you can start to delve deeper and figure out what this means, what this signifies, and how to work through it.
If you notice you feel "dirtier" or more "anxious" when eating certain foods, you can experiment and see what alleviates the situation.
In short, it's about way more than just eating. There is something mentally going on here that makes you feel "dirty" and "anxious," that makes you cry.
The second you think it's all because of food or all because of the act of eating, you are relinquishing some power over to your eating disorder. You are being fooled. Go within. Go deeper. If you need to ask yourself the sort of questions I asked above, then do it. And start now.
That's the first part. You can watch one of my older videos about this here. It's actually a response to a question opposite this (those who find it easier to eat with others), but I touch on a lot of the same things and explain my points in detail. It relates a lot.)
The second part is to come up with reasons to stay. List the reasons to stay with people once you've eaten. This is something you want to beat and to do so, you have to have a plan. You have to have valid reasons.
Reasons to stay:
-the people you're eating with care about you
-you are one step ahead of your eating disorder if you stay with them after eating
-you give yourself a chance to act "normal" and put other issues aside
-you miss out on conversation if you leave
-you isolate yourself the more you leave after a meal or in the middle of a meal
-the more you STAY, the more you will be able to fight that "dirty," "anxious" feeling
Try, try, try, and then try again. I know it sounds difficult, and I know it's much easier said than done, but don't discount it.
"How can I stay with people when I've eaten? I feel so... dirty! It makes me anxious. It makes me cry..."
I can't tell you how many people I know or know OF who feel the exact same way. If nothing else, this question should serve to make you feel less alone.
Here's something to try. Examine the situation. Why does it make you feel so dirty? Is it because you are ashamed? Because you're being watched? Because you're uncomfortable? Because you want to get rid of what you've eaten? Because you wish you hadn't eaten it? Because you feel smothered when you're not alone? Because you dislike the way the food in your body makes you feel? WHAT IS IT?
Try to tap into the feeling. What is it that makes you feel so dirty? Once you can pinpoint why you feel the way you do, you can start to do something about. You can start to train yourself to think differently or feel differently.
I suggest keeping a food journal--but not of how much you've eaten. Try keeping a journal of what you eat, when you eat, and who you eat with--and the emotions you feel in relation to each scenario. If you notice patterns, you can start to work with them. You can start to change the reality of your situations. If you notice that you feel "dirtier" or more "anxious" with a certain person or with a certain crowd, you can delve deeper and examine why that is. What is it about that person or those people that makes you feel uncomfortable eating with them?
If you notice you feel "dirtier" or more "anxious" at certain times of the day, say at dinner with people opposed to at breakfast with people, you can start to delve deeper and figure out what this means, what this signifies, and how to work through it.
If you notice you feel "dirtier" or more "anxious" when eating certain foods, you can experiment and see what alleviates the situation.
In short, it's about way more than just eating. There is something mentally going on here that makes you feel "dirty" and "anxious," that makes you cry.
The second you think it's all because of food or all because of the act of eating, you are relinquishing some power over to your eating disorder. You are being fooled. Go within. Go deeper. If you need to ask yourself the sort of questions I asked above, then do it. And start now.
That's the first part. You can watch one of my older videos about this here. It's actually a response to a question opposite this (those who find it easier to eat with others), but I touch on a lot of the same things and explain my points in detail. It relates a lot.)
The second part is to come up with reasons to stay. List the reasons to stay with people once you've eaten. This is something you want to beat and to do so, you have to have a plan. You have to have valid reasons.
Reasons to stay:
-the people you're eating with care about you
-you are one step ahead of your eating disorder if you stay with them after eating
-you give yourself a chance to act "normal" and put other issues aside
-you miss out on conversation if you leave
-you isolate yourself the more you leave after a meal or in the middle of a meal
-the more you STAY, the more you will be able to fight that "dirty," "anxious" feeling
Try, try, try, and then try again. I know it sounds difficult, and I know it's much easier said than done, but don't discount it.
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