Sunday, June 22, 2008

Unlimited Chances

There's no such thing as giving yourself too many chances. You yourself are the only one who can give YOU as many chances as you want or need. There is no limit to chances. There is no maximum.

I know how hard it is to even try. I used to have days where I just didn't care about a damn thing. I just wanted everything to stop and leave me to sit with myself and fade away into nothingness. I used to cry until the tears wouldn't come anymore because I had used them all up.

I got sick and tired of it. I know you're probably sick and tired of it now...maybe you've BEEN sick and tired of it for a long time...maybe you're even sick and tired of being sick and tired...


But maybe there’s something missing... Perhaps you’re sick and tired, but unfortunately, too tired to do anything about it. That's defeat. Don't allow yourself to be defeated. It's too easy. You're worth so much more than that.


In any case, I know it can feel too hard to even begin to try some days...because it's the same old story. The same old song and dance. To just keep on keeping on...to just keep on trying again and again. If you've been through this so many times and have been fighting for so long, it gets old and it gets worse.


That's the bad news.

The good news is fighting back is the only way you're going to eventually get out of the hell. The good news is: there IS a way out. It's just really hard to find. But if you want out, you've got to look. And if you're still coming up short, you've got to KEEP looking.

Because the thing is, you're either going to burn out and fade away or you're going to start climbing that rope to safety and freedom and health and happiness. Those are the only two alternatives...because this awful state of struggling—even if it’s been going on for a long, long time—only lasts so long, my friend.

You need a change--and I don't mean a change in your attempts to recover. I mean a vacation from your normal way of living. Nothing eating disorder related. Just a plain and simple change. And a big one. Something to rip away the focus on your eating disorder, to force you to spend time reflecting on yourself, to simply BE and exist and breathe in the change that will surround you. And when you come back from this "vacation"--when you've implemented this change--you just might not be so tired and listless. You'll be fresher, clearer, and better able to put a new foot forward. Again.

A big change is the only way to get out of that sick-and-tired-don't-care attitude.

I'm not saying there's one answer for everyone. But time away, that mental "vacation" (in whatever respect is available and possible) from the same old daily life you have is beneficial. You can recharge, restart, and refresh. But it can't be something subtle. It has to be something big. Significant.

You have a lot of chances waiting. Take them.

8 comments:

Sabrina said...

Hey Arielle, it's Sabrina from VDay and UD. I just wanted to let you know that this post truly touched me, it brought me to tears. And even though you were speaking to and for people with ED I felt I could connect with it, too. I don't know if that was your intent, but I wanted to let you know what I thought and how I felt. Thank you.

Arielle said...

Sabrina! Thanks so much. I'm glad the post meant something to you. I think a lot of my posts actually have a greater purpose than just being meant for someone with an ED. At least that's what I try to write. Thanks so much for visiting the site. I really appreciate what you said. A lot. And I hope you're doing well.

Much love,
Arielle

b said...

I found this incredibly uplifting and empowering, just when I needed it most. My therapist and I actually talked about this very idea a couple of weeks ago, and we decided that I should start taking some yoga classes to regard my body in a positive way, in a way that I can be grateful for my weight gain, because it makes my body strong. ...I just got back from yoga, and it was AMAZING. I actually couldn't stop crying at one point, in the middle of the class...all the hot, sticky tears dripping down my nose and neck as I breathed deep and connected with myself. That was a change for me. A big one, that I could say, okay, Brie, time to get back and get committed to putting the feeding tube in every night and kicking Ed's ass. It was so inspiring! Thanks. :)

xo
Brie

Arielle said...

Brie,

You are more than welcome. I'm so glad you had a positive experience tonight. I'm glad it was a big change (and a much needed change) for you. You deserve the best and I'm glad you working at it. Kick ED's ass, Brie. You're almost there. :)

Much love,
Arielle

disordered girl said...

Hi Arielle,
Just wanted to echo what others have said--you have a great way with words and thoughts that inspire, and I really appreciate what you are putting out into the world and the positive support you've sent my way. I really do. Thank you.

Love,
DG

Arielle said...

Thanks, DG. That means a lot. We're in this thing together! I've been there. And any positivity I can spread I am more than happy to.

Take care of yourself and thanks again.

Much love,
Arielle

Rachel said...

Dearest Arielle, you astound.

this is an important post. i think it is too easy to believe that so many tried-and-faileds equal a doomed future. like we should only give ourselves so many chances...as if we have any to spare. and it applies everywhere, to everyone who needs to redirect their lives or reorder their selves.

and i think you're a little bit in my head. i need to make a change and i am feeling weary. but i need to make a big change so that my life can change. and i know what it is and i know what i have to do. so i gather myself and i nudge at the wheels and soon i will get them turned. thanks for the boost.
much love.

Arielle said...

Rachel,

I'm behind you. Do you want a push? :) I'm always here to nudge those wheels for you if need be.

Thanks for your amazing response.

Much love,
Arielle