Monday, August 17, 2009

Advice for a Friend of an Eating Disorder Sufferer

My recent video in response to the viewer question:

"My best friend suffers from an eating disorder and I've tried so hard to help her, I've supported her, encouraged her, got information for her, gone to appointments with her, but nothing helps. I know I can't save her. I know I can't force her to get better. But I just wondered if there is anything else I can do to help her and how I am supposed to continue being her friend as she continues to starve to death."

It's 10 minutes long, but worth watching if you are a friend of an eating disorder sufferer... OR if you have friends who you don't feel understand. I hope you can take something from it.

I've been thinking of all of you and I'm sorry for the brief hiatus. Lots going on!

Much love! Here's the video!


Mind Wars said...

What a wonderful thought to know that there is life after anorexia. Anorexia has consumned my life for years now and as much as I want to leave "ED" alone, the pain I feel in other areas of my life send me right back to "ED". I just want a normal life without people saying your so skinny... yes, I am but I'm not healthy.

I hope your friend knows how lucky she is to have you in her life. The hardest thing about anorexia is that we won't always ask for help. Although, we don't like to be alone that's the best time to practice our eating rituals without questions or stares.

Thank you for sharing your story, I wish I had a friend like you;-)

Joy said...

Arielle, i really like this post! i'm really impressed that you had enough compassion to want to educate holly in a helpful and non-threatening way..i think i would've just secretly hated her. but your letter was way more productive! (round of applause) :o)

Arielle Bair (Becker) said...

Thanks, Joy! It took a lot the time. It's funny, because when I remember how much I wanted to just plain SHOW her where I was coming from I am stunned by how I took hold of the situation. At the time, I was not nearly as healthy-minded and such as I am these days. It was only 4 years ago that I wrote that letter to Holli, but it seems like forever ago, because I was such a different person--so quiet and hurting and shy and recovering one day at a time.

Thanks for reading/watching. :)

"Julia" said...

I wish I had a Sarah. Instead I have friends that I have told who have tried the "get help or shut up" approach or simply backed away in hopes that I would fix it without their support. I am now afraid to talk to anyone, even the more trustworthy people, about it because this is the reaction I have come to expect.

Joy said...

Julia ~
i'm recovering and here's my two cents:
The more you talk, the more you will receive help from unexpected places... one of the hardest things to do in recovery is to get past the shame and communicate with people. Either your friends really care about you and just don't know how to help, or they aren't really your "friends." Don't give up on people.. your relationships will help you Recover. I know it's really hard when your close friends don't get it... you'll just have to find support somewhere else.. I got a lot of support from a random high school friend I hadn't seen in three years.. but I only received that support because I told her what was going on.. my best friends from college didn't really help, but I could call or email this person 24/7 and she would get back to me... you never know who's going to help you out if you break the silence..

just keep swimming.. recovery is possible. :o)