Finding the Root

A video I did for the eating disorder recovery collaboration I'm a part of on YouTube. Hope you find it encouraging and helpful. I am responding to a question from a viewer: "How do I begin figuring out what is at the root of my eating disorder and how I deal with that?"



I have several thoughts, all of which I discuss in my video. 1) Talk as much as you can. 2) Journal. 3) Remember. 4) Let go of fear. 5) Don't LOOK FOR something. 6) Finding the root is important, but so is what you do with your NOW. 7) Don't underestimate your own ability. 8) You won't always like what you find, but facing things will help you move on.

Appreciate Today

Appreciate today. Appreciate life. If it's a fleeting moment in which you can appreciate the world around you, then so be it. At least it's something.

Don't let external factors bring you down. There is always something to appreciate in this life. Whether it be the beauty of a sunny day, spending time laughing with family, or talking for hours to a good friend, there is something to appreciate today.

Look for it. Find it. Embrace it.

Sometimes it's just a matter of realizing that there is some good floating around you. Open your eyes. Accept the bad, but don't forget about the good.

Appreciate today. You only get to live today once.

Friendships & Eating Disorders: Gaining Perspective Parts 1 & 2

Here are two videos I made recently in response to a question by a viewer. I've gotten a lot of feedback from this 2-part project, so I thought I'd put it up here in the hopes it makes a difference to others. :)

PART 1:



And PART 2:

Video: A Future Worth Fighting For

Bit of an old video, but I think it's a good fit here.

A Response: Finding Love For Yourself...

A few days ago, I received a comment on my latest post from Z. She wrote:

“You really make recovering sound like it's worth consideration at the very least. I know that recovery comes gradually, but how can you decide to recover when you have no love for yourself, let alone the love needed to save yourself? Do you siphon the courage from other people? Is it possible to hate yourself more than you do when you're making yourself beautiful i.e. disordered? You've really given me a lot to think about when it comes to my own issues. I think you are beyond brave to speak out against such a silent horror. I hope one day we can all just look at this as a disease and not something we are meant to be so ashamed of. Maybe then more of us would be willing to get help.”

Z-
Believe me, you don’t know how much I hope that one day this disease will not be something shameful. I too hope that more and more people out there struggling will become more willing to seek help. Breaking the silence is certainly a step in the right direction. We all have voices and we can all use them if we decide to do so. It’s not easy, but it gets easier with every word.

Let me first say this: Recovery IS worth considering. Sometimes the decision to move forward is like a switch. Sometimes it’s a slow process of realization. Sometimes it’s an “aha” moment. Sometimes you find it has happened before you even were aware of it. So, the question at hand—how do you decide to recover when you have no love for yourself? Well, you start by trying what you can to love yourself. Forget recovery for a second and focus on you.

You may recall a post of mine from a couple months ago called A Daily Reminder. You have to surround yourself with positive reinforcement. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe it. You hear what I’m saying? It doesn’t matter. Do it anyway. Surround yourself with everything you can. Fake it ‘til you make it. Pretend you believe it. Hopefully one day you will.

It’s gonna make you feel silly. I realize this. But it’s almost…necessary. I mean, I get an alarm message on my cell phone every single morning at 9 AM that says, “I like myself.” It’s my phone telling me to like myself. It’s me telling me I like myself. And I don’t even hate myself, girl. And I still do it. I still make myself receive that message.

Do something like that. Put a sign on your mirror so every morning when you look in it you see something positive. Something that is telling you that you like yourself. That you love yourself. That you are good. It may be false. You may not like yourself or love yourself, but it sinks in. Allow it to happen.

Let me lay it out differently. If you hear the message, “You’re fat” or “You’re stupid” every day for your whole life, you’re going to start to believe that, right? Well, if you hear the message “I like myself” or “You’re good” every day for your whole life, you’re going to start to believe that too.

Cool, huh? Do a role reversal. If you smile because you find the message silly for a while, it’s still serving a purpose.

And yes, you CAN siphon courage from others, but ultimately, that courage must fuel your own courage. You can rely on it in bits and pieces…or for short periods of time…but you need to use it as an example of what you want to give yourself, not a replacement. Know what I mean?

By all means, surround yourself with people who fill you up and help you. Support is vital. Let it buoy you up and hold you above the water so that you can finally start to work on your issues and rise above what is bringing you down. In time, you’ll find that you are doing a lot of it on your own, and you don’t need them to do it for you.

A helping hand is never something to push away. Just remember that the goal is to be helped into helping yourself.

In response to your other question, it is always possible to hate yourself more. But it is always possible to love yourself more too. Don’t choose the wrong end of the spectrum. A choice is easy. It’s the following through that’s difficult, but you have to believe it can happen. You can’t give up on yourself—even if you don’t like yourself.

I hope I’ve given you more to think about. I know I put it all out there as if it’s simple, but it’s not and I will never pretend it is. Please feel free to respond again…and remember—the simplest things (like what I’ve been describing) are sometimes the best things we can do for ourselves. So don’t make excuses… today is the perfect day to begin.

Much love,

Arielle

Some Motivation To Start the Week...

You may remember a little something I posted back in 2008. The written version is here. Welcome to the video version! Make this week a good one, everyone.

A Response: Making A Change...

I'd like to respond publicly to another comment I received on my latest video post in the hopes that others out there are pondering the same thing and looking for some encouragement.


"Things got better for a few days, and then a week, until I find myself staring at the same question - do I WANT to get better and be more than this? I fight it everyday and some days I give up and give in...other days I'm strong (so to speak) and don't eat at all, I can't allow it. How did you go about making that change? I can't seem to find the middle ground, or even solid ground at this point to stand on. It's either all or nothing, black or white..."


The "all or nothing" attitude is something I understand well. I think many of us feel that way. So, at the very least, you're not alone. It is, nevertheless, frustrating.

But first things first: if you are writing that paragraph above--if you're bothering to take the time to write to me, to even come here and read my blog--you do in fact WANT to get better and be more than "this." It might not seem like you want it when bad days come around, but bad days only last so long. If you're here, you're at a starting point. Or perhaps a middle point. Or better yet--a breaking point.

And you can get past it. But you have to believe you can get past it. You have to take yourself by the shoulders, figuratively speaking, and say, "You can do this and you WILL do this." Nothing can come before that first move.

Part of recovery is that every day struggle you speak of. It's a process. It's a journey. It's a tough place. But you're moving. Because you don't sit there, day after day, with the exact same mindset. You question. You falter. You feel. You hurt. You are at a loss. But you're getting somewhere. You're not stagnant and still. Know what I mean?

It may actually (and understandably) be more frustrating to let days turn to a week or more of doing well, and then BAM--you suddenly feel you're back where you started. It's a let down. It's annoying. It certainly doesn't make you want to keep going, to try again. I feel ya on that one. You're forgetting one important thing, though: You aren't starting over from scratch. Those steps forward you made are not discounted or negated by the fact that you are now stalled again. If you start at point A and you are trying to get to point B, but you stop halfway there, it doesn't mean you're back at point A, does it?

No.

It simply means you're in the middle, waiting. You might not have the strength or the stamina to keep going at this particular moment. But when you do decide to get moving again, heading towards point B, you won't be back where you started... as long as you don't let yourself move backward.

Remember to give yourself credit where credit is due. But back to the question at hand... how do you go about making that change?

The simple answer (but nevertheless, the true one) is: Gradually.

It's a process, as most things are. And you have to do your best to stay aware of everything you're doing and thinking. You have the power to make yourself stop in your tracks, but you have to channel it. You make the change by deciding this isn't the life you want. It's okay if you don't know how to GET to the life you want; all you have to do is want it. I wrote about my conscious decision/my turning point in my post Remembering the Realization. It's completely my personal experience, but perhaps you can pull something from it.

Hold on to the little part of you that you want to nurture and heal. Go with it when you're feeling particularly strong or motivated. Write a letter to yourself. Be kind, be helpful, and explain in detail what you want to be able to do for yourself. Keep it. Re-read it. Ponder it. Let it resonate. There's a post back from 2007 in which I shared a letter to myself from even longer ago. That is an example.

One more thing you need to keep in mind: You have unlimited chances. Do not give up. Don't ever give up. I'm rooting for you.