Saturday, June 9, 2012

Arielle's Word of the Day #9: LOGICAL

Today, since it seems so fitting, I decided to share with you yet another poem I wrote 9 years ago, when I was still struggling with my eating disorder, but was in recovery, trying so hard to fight my way out of a bad place. The poem below is called LOGIC and the message seems pretty clear. (And the "you" to which I refer in the poem is clearly Logic.)

LOGIC

I ask myself such questions
Like “Am I okay or not?”
Unwilling to give myself
Or my own mind a shot.
*
I let It claw at me with nails
That could cut without much force;
I let It strangle me with passion
And I scream until I’m hoarse.
*
You try to pull me back,
Keep me safe from all It’s pain,
But sometimes I look away from you
And It just snatches me again.
*
You tell me I can beat It
And I know that this is true…
It has no power over me
If I’m with someone like you.
*
I know you try to help me
And I argue and I cry…
I wish I could explain It;
I wish I could tell you why.
*
I want to cling on tightly
And make you save me from it all,
But no matter how I try
It’s inevitable that I fall.
*
I know I’m disappointing
And I know I must be strong,
But it’s hard to give up something
That has held you for so long.
*
One day I will be rid of It;
It will be all in the past--
It’s something I’ll break free from,
But you’re something that will last.
*
It’s the last thing I should choose
And it’s the last thing I should do;
I keep holding on to It
When I should be holding on to you.

© ALB 2003

Obviously I wrote this a long time ago... but I know many of you understand this mental battle... this being at odds with your good self and the eating disorder. 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love this poem. Is it okay if i print it out? I wouldn't want to overstep any copyrights you might have :)

Arielle Bair (Becker) said...

Anonymous - you may of course print it out. :-) My copyright and authorship is on it and you're not promoting it as your own. I am glad you like it. I had to dig to find it since it's from ages ago!

Cheryl said...

Beautiful.

It's always interesting to me to see how a pain you felt so completely as your own has actually been shared and expressed by so many others. When you're struggling with an eating disorder, it feels very lonely, like you're stuck in a prison of your own making. What you do on these pages and on Youtube is the absolute opposite of that. It's about community, and coming together, and sharing, and hope.

I really look forward to these posts each day x