Thursday, June 7, 2012

Arielle's Word of the Day #7: HONESTY

You can be honest about struggling. Because struggling means you are fighting something...that you're not just sitting there and taking it...or giving in. And THAT is really saying something.
Recovery can often seem like a battle of your two selves. A seemingly endless ping-pong game.

It comes down to this. You see the number on a scale OR you see the way you look in the mirror OR you experience a trauma OR you dissociate OR you have a bad day, etc etc etc. Maybe a few of the above. You wince. You try to tell yourself that this recovery thing you're doing is okay because you're trying to be healthy. But it doesn't feel okay. And you don't feel good about it. 

You think about restricting OR binging OR purging OR harming yourself in some way, shape, or form.

You know you shouldn't.

And you try to get support from others to keep your saner thoughts in the forefront of your mind. 

The thing is, if you give in to restricting OR binging OR purging OR harming yourself in some way, you are going to be back on a downward spiral. So keep that in mind.

It's so easy to say you will only restrict/purge/[insert behavior] enough to get back to what you feel is a comfortable weight/better life/less anxious mind, but that's the eating disorder wheedling its way back into your head and slowly clutching you again until you continue and continue and continue, losing yourself in the process.

I know from experience.

I don't want this to happen to you or anyone. I know the mindset an eating disorder can instill, and I want you to know that you are stronger than your inclination to restrict/binge/purge/self-harm.

And eventually, the more resistant you become to eating disordered behaviors, the less all the junk in your life (that made you turn to your eating disorder to cope) matters.

It could take months, years, maybe a decade, but it can happen. Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself about your emotions, your desires (even if they're bad), your experiences, your problems. As I said before,
you can be honest about struggling...because struggling means you are fighting something. And when you've recognized it, you can go forward from there, with honesty by your side helping you to be strong in the face of all the things that want to lie to you.


Kylie-Rose said...

This is so inspiring. Thank-you for everything you do Arielle ♥

I wanted to do this new blogging exercise but I became a little worn out from the participating in previous HFC writing endeavour. I really enjoy reading other people's reponses however. xo

Arielle Bair (Becker) said...

Thank you, Kylie-Rose. :-) I'm sorry not to have you as a participating voice, but of course I understand. Thank you for the very kind words. :-)

Anonymous said...

Wonderful post! It definitely make me rethink all the restricting i've been doing recently :) I love your blog; keep posting always :)

brie said...

this was just what i needed, today. thanks A.

Sia Jane said...

I pretty much just said this to someone.
I said that basically, me, sat here on the phone, talking to you, if I were going through what you were or having the apathy or saying "when this/that" I would be running screaming to get help.
My mind set is on of health and I want to remain healthy.
It actually really helped said person because it was like the two sides.
Her ED head or my well, normal and healthy self and which one actually made sense.
Ramble over ;)

Cheryl said...

Beautifully put, as always.

I really liked how you put a positive spin on the struggling aspect - yes, it's difficult, but it also means that you're making progress in that you're fighting against the eating disorder. And sometimes it doesn't feel like it's budging an inch - but it's still enough that you;re pushing back.

Arielle Bair (Becker) said...

Thank you, everyone. :-)

PurpleDreamer said...

Love, love, love this: "struggling means you are fighting something...that you're not just sitting there and taking it...or giving in..." It is one of the reasons I continue to fight.