This week's video is a MUST-SEE for all. :)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Boosting Self-Esteem
There are several questions I've been asked by readers/viewers via email/comments/etc that I plan on answering, but bear with me while I find the time. For now, I'll leave you with another video - this week's topic is "Boosting Self-Esteem." Take heed! :)
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Be Inspired All Year Long
A fellow blogger, Sandy of the blog toy with me, shared with me a fantastic calendar for a fantastic cause. You can read all about it (and see it and buy it) here and I hope you will. Words really cannot do justice to the theme of this calendar, so please check out her recent blog post "Why I'm Posing Naked. On a Horse" for more info. In short, she and other bloggers have posed in a beautiful and inspiring calendar to raise awareness of eating disorders and support the National Association of Eating Disorders in the process.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving Message from Arielle
For all the Americans out there, it's Thanksgiving Day today. Here's a message. :)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Don't Miss Out!
Just a quick reminder that I consistently do more videos than are posted here on the blog. In order to get notified of all the videos I do, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. I typically post on this site the Wednesday Warriors videos I make for a YouTube recovery collaboration, but that is a separate channel from my own and only a small portion of the eating disorder videos I create. I make recovery videos regularly- motivational, advice, and otherwise - and also respond to viewer questions, so make sure you're not missing out. :)
http://www.youtube.com/arielleleebair
http://www.youtube.com/arielleleebair
Video Catch-Up
A little behind providing you with the Wednesday videos, guys. Sorry about that. They are always up religiously on Wednesdays, but I sometimes forget to post them here too.
Here are my last 2 Wednesday videos. Topics are "What I Tell Others" and "High Expectations" respectively. I specifically recommend this week's video, in which I talk about dealing with our own high expectations, how to cut ourselves some slack, how to not set ourselves up for failure, and how to work with these expectations we've set for ourselves. It's something so many people struggle with and I'm glad I got to touch on it.
HIGH EXPECTATIONS
WHAT I TELL OTHERS
Here are my last 2 Wednesday videos. Topics are "What I Tell Others" and "High Expectations" respectively. I specifically recommend this week's video, in which I talk about dealing with our own high expectations, how to cut ourselves some slack, how to not set ourselves up for failure, and how to work with these expectations we've set for ourselves. It's something so many people struggle with and I'm glad I got to touch on it.
HIGH EXPECTATIONS
WHAT I TELL OTHERS
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Meals, Appetite, and a Few Suggestions
Allison asks,
“I recently fell into a relapse, and am trying with all my strength to pull myself out of the tailspin. I have begun eating again, but I can't help but feel the overwhelming feeling of failure every time I take a bite. I think about how ashamed I feel to be the size I am all day. I know that logically, the failure is in me NOT eating, rather than the other way around, but my disordered thinking won't let me be logical. How do I turn things around into being proud of myself for not restricting?”
I usually say “fake it ‘til you make it.” If you know that logically the right thing to do is eat and be proud of yourself, try to just do it without letting your mind make you do other things. If you begin to get down on yourself for eating, remind yourself that you are accomplishing SO much and that the more you eat, the better you will feel mentally and physically. Initially, the annoying things your head tells you are there, but the more you keep up with a routine of eating, the better you will be able to cope with that eating disorder voice.
You could start a rewards system for yourself to help associate feelings of pride with the right actions. For example, if you eat a meal, tell yourself you will get 15 minutes of downtime and pick something to do that you find enjoyable, fun, or relaxing. Or go bigger – if you eat 3 meals a day, reward yourself with something. If you do it for a week or more, allow yourself a gift. The rewards can be anything you want them to be – an hour surfing the internet instead of doing work, a new pair of shoes, etc. But if you set yourself to succeed and be kind to yourself after you’ve done so, you’ll be training your brain to understand what’s really worth it.
I’d also suggest my cell phone trick – if you haven’t heard me talk about it before, check it out here. You could use a message like, “Keep going – recovery is worth it” or something similar instead of what I suggest in that post. It might do the job nicely for some encouragement you don’t have to think about giving yourself.
-------------------------------------------------------
Ally asks,
“I am in recovery, and have been for a year. I am doing pretty well as far as not restricting. However, when I get stressed, I tend to lose my appetite. I know now to eat when I feel hungry, but what if I don't get hungry? I have also learned to not eat if I'm not hungry, so I can prevent binges. I don't ever intentionally not eat meals nowadays, but sometimes just realizing I haven't eaten that day can push me to think ‘Just a little more.’ and triggers me. How do I deal with loss of appetite?”
First – congrats on being in recovery for a year now. I think a lot of people tend to lose their appetites when they are stressed, myself included. Can you schedule time for your meals? I know it seems a bit like back-tracking to earlier in the recovery process, but it might help, especially if you’re stressed right now. That reminder to eat will help you to eat at times you know you should, whether you’re hungry or not. Set your cell phone to alarm at 8, noon, and 6 or whatever times work for you for meals – it can be like your “dinner bell” and remind you that you need to eat, even if you don’t feel hungry. Sometimes you have to go through the motions even if your heart isn’t in it, because unfortunately, if you don’t go through those motions, you might end up back in eating disorder land, even if it wasn’t your intention.
You don’t have to remember to set your alarms each day – do it now and set it to remind you daily. Then you can just focus on what you need to do and rest assured that, hungry or not, your phone will tell you when it’s time to eat.
As far as that triggering feeling when you do unintentionally skip a meal, you can try the tips from my response to the first question. Anything you can do to reinforce the positive stuff is always a step in the right direction.
You might find these old videos of mine helpful - they deal with the question: "Is it ever okay to overeat or skip meals in response to disturbing feelings? Normal eaters may reach for a candy bar when having a bad day, but they know eating is not a magical remedy for the downside of life. What distinguishes them from those with eating problems is that it is not a part of their everyday eating pattern. They dont beat themselves up, eat in secret, feel shame afterwards or swear to eat differently tomorrow. Their self-concept, self-esteem and general attitude have nothing to do with their behavior around food. Your (the viewers) work is to trust that youll gradually move towards eating more normally, and only rarely, eat or refuse food when youre upset (with absolutely no remorse!). The truth is it takes a lot of practice to sever the connection between feelings and feeding."
Is It Okay? Food & Feelings PART ONE
Is It Okay? Food & Feelings PART TWO
For those of you out there who are trying to figure out what being hungry really means and what good eating practices are, these videos of mine might help:
How to Eat When Hungry & Stop When Full PART ONE
How to Eat When Hungry & Stop When Full PART TWO
Like with the first question, if you can reward yourself in some small way for eating your meals, it will help you push through those times of lack of appetite. You have to push on through – especially when stress levels are high.
“I recently fell into a relapse, and am trying with all my strength to pull myself out of the tailspin. I have begun eating again, but I can't help but feel the overwhelming feeling of failure every time I take a bite. I think about how ashamed I feel to be the size I am all day. I know that logically, the failure is in me NOT eating, rather than the other way around, but my disordered thinking won't let me be logical. How do I turn things around into being proud of myself for not restricting?”
I usually say “fake it ‘til you make it.” If you know that logically the right thing to do is eat and be proud of yourself, try to just do it without letting your mind make you do other things. If you begin to get down on yourself for eating, remind yourself that you are accomplishing SO much and that the more you eat, the better you will feel mentally and physically. Initially, the annoying things your head tells you are there, but the more you keep up with a routine of eating, the better you will be able to cope with that eating disorder voice.
You could start a rewards system for yourself to help associate feelings of pride with the right actions. For example, if you eat a meal, tell yourself you will get 15 minutes of downtime and pick something to do that you find enjoyable, fun, or relaxing. Or go bigger – if you eat 3 meals a day, reward yourself with something. If you do it for a week or more, allow yourself a gift. The rewards can be anything you want them to be – an hour surfing the internet instead of doing work, a new pair of shoes, etc. But if you set yourself to succeed and be kind to yourself after you’ve done so, you’ll be training your brain to understand what’s really worth it.
I’d also suggest my cell phone trick – if you haven’t heard me talk about it before, check it out here. You could use a message like, “Keep going – recovery is worth it” or something similar instead of what I suggest in that post. It might do the job nicely for some encouragement you don’t have to think about giving yourself.
-------------------------------------------------------
Ally asks,
“I am in recovery, and have been for a year. I am doing pretty well as far as not restricting. However, when I get stressed, I tend to lose my appetite. I know now to eat when I feel hungry, but what if I don't get hungry? I have also learned to not eat if I'm not hungry, so I can prevent binges. I don't ever intentionally not eat meals nowadays, but sometimes just realizing I haven't eaten that day can push me to think ‘Just a little more.’ and triggers me. How do I deal with loss of appetite?”
First – congrats on being in recovery for a year now. I think a lot of people tend to lose their appetites when they are stressed, myself included. Can you schedule time for your meals? I know it seems a bit like back-tracking to earlier in the recovery process, but it might help, especially if you’re stressed right now. That reminder to eat will help you to eat at times you know you should, whether you’re hungry or not. Set your cell phone to alarm at 8, noon, and 6 or whatever times work for you for meals – it can be like your “dinner bell” and remind you that you need to eat, even if you don’t feel hungry. Sometimes you have to go through the motions even if your heart isn’t in it, because unfortunately, if you don’t go through those motions, you might end up back in eating disorder land, even if it wasn’t your intention.
You don’t have to remember to set your alarms each day – do it now and set it to remind you daily. Then you can just focus on what you need to do and rest assured that, hungry or not, your phone will tell you when it’s time to eat.
As far as that triggering feeling when you do unintentionally skip a meal, you can try the tips from my response to the first question. Anything you can do to reinforce the positive stuff is always a step in the right direction.
You might find these old videos of mine helpful - they deal with the question: "Is it ever okay to overeat or skip meals in response to disturbing feelings? Normal eaters may reach for a candy bar when having a bad day, but they know eating is not a magical remedy for the downside of life. What distinguishes them from those with eating problems is that it is not a part of their everyday eating pattern. They dont beat themselves up, eat in secret, feel shame afterwards or swear to eat differently tomorrow. Their self-concept, self-esteem and general attitude have nothing to do with their behavior around food. Your (the viewers) work is to trust that youll gradually move towards eating more normally, and only rarely, eat or refuse food when youre upset (with absolutely no remorse!). The truth is it takes a lot of practice to sever the connection between feelings and feeding."
Is It Okay? Food & Feelings PART ONE
Is It Okay? Food & Feelings PART TWO
For those of you out there who are trying to figure out what being hungry really means and what good eating practices are, these videos of mine might help:
How to Eat When Hungry & Stop When Full PART ONE
How to Eat When Hungry & Stop When Full PART TWO
Like with the first question, if you can reward yourself in some small way for eating your meals, it will help you push through those times of lack of appetite. You have to push on through – especially when stress levels are high.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Clothes, Shopping, & Eating Disorders
Here's this past week's Wednesday video. I've talked about this topic before, so I linked to 3 other videos of mine as well towards the end of the video if you are interested in further thoughts/advice/suggestions.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Meal Plans, Food Rituals & Other Tid-Bits
A reader asked me this question in an email recently, and I thought it might be helpful to many of you who are struggling with similar issues.
She asked:
"I am a weight restored anorexic (for 11months now) but occasionally struggle with self-harm, and more recently purging.
1. My psychologist who I see once a month (and cannot see any more frequently) is trying to help me expand my food repertoire as I've been stuck on a dietitian's meal plan for 2 years now. However, I have no idea what 'normal' meals are. There a million recipes on the internet but how do I know which one to choose? I do live with my mum, but I work in the evening and she works during the day so we miss each other at dinner. We never have a family meal together so I have no one to look to for ideas about what they eat.
2. I've been at a healthy weight for so long, but I still dislike the look of my body. Every day I look in the mirror to see if I've grown over weight overnight or not (as ridiculous as it seems). Do you personally like your body appearance or do you simply accept it as it is? (I've seen your 'comparison' video and that really helped me a lot to challenge the comparisons and I no longer compare myself to others).
3. I know your did a video on food rituals. I'm honest and say I still have some (food not touching on plate, order in which I eat my food, how I eat my sandwich, weighing most foods before eating them). However, I just wanted to ask whether it is OK to keep them? After all, they are not so bad that I cannot eat out with others (I regularly do) and I personally like them as they make me feel safe. They don't impact on my health, and I don't care if people will laugh at me.
4. I'm going to university next year. I believe you have got a degree/have studied in higher education and want to ask you whether you can give me advise on staying safe if you have a history of an ED? Obviously there are many changes: living away from home, being more independent, being with so many new faces etc. Any tips?"
My responses:
1 - Expanding meal options is always difficult. You're not alone. It might take some time to get adjusted and feel comfortable. Don't give up if you feel uncomfortable with the expansion the first few times (or even the first several). Is your dietitian able to help you with expanding? If you no longer see the dietitian and have simply been following a meal plan for a while, I would suggest making a few more appointments with the intent to healthfully and comfortably expand what you have already been doing. A dietitian will be able to tailor some meals for you and with you that are not part of a strict plan. He or she can hopefully give you some sample ideas you can try to incorporate.
Don't get stuck on the word "normal." There is no "normal" meal. Normal is something different to everyone and we all have different needs and likes. Try to list 5 foods you enjoy and see what's out there recipe wise for them. Forgetting about portion/calories/nutrition for a moment, print a few that look good to you and bring them to your psychologist (or dietician) and discuss. Getting their opinions can help you see if they look sufficient meal wise and may help validate your opinion of whether or not they are good meals for you.
2 - Yes, I do in fact like my body. At first, years ago when I first was putting on weight, I was just accepting it. But in time, I grew to like it and even love it. I know this might sound unbelievable - the women in my group often shake their heads at me in disbelief - but it's true. There was a time I could never imagine weighing what I do, because I thought it 1) impossible 2) thought I wouldn't be "me" and 3) thought it was too much. I stand corrected. :) I'm very happy with myself but it does take time, so be patient. You will get there.
3 - As for food rituals. I don't know that I'm qualified to say whether it's okay to keep them or not. My personal opinion is that they hold a person back, as they are still technically a piece of their disorder. Try to examine WHY you are keeping them or want to keep them. WANTING to keep them indicates that they make you feel safe or comfortable and that is not necessarily a good thing, but ideally (to be truly recovered) you should be able to get more and more out of your comfort zone until you can eating "normally." If the food rituals are like a security blanket for you, eventually it will be time to let go and move beyond them. That time may not be now if you have other things to focus on first. It is all about progress, Diana. If your intent is to progress in recovery, do not intend to hold on to your food rituals. Realize that they are just coping mechanisms for feeling comfortable in situations. That said, don't get hung up on this issue - you are clearly doing well in your recovery and this does not seem like a priority at the moment.
She asked:
"I am a weight restored anorexic (for 11months now) but occasionally struggle with self-harm, and more recently purging.
1. My psychologist who I see once a month (and cannot see any more frequently) is trying to help me expand my food repertoire as I've been stuck on a dietitian's meal plan for 2 years now. However, I have no idea what 'normal' meals are. There a million recipes on the internet but how do I know which one to choose? I do live with my mum, but I work in the evening and she works during the day so we miss each other at dinner. We never have a family meal together so I have no one to look to for ideas about what they eat.
2. I've been at a healthy weight for so long, but I still dislike the look of my body. Every day I look in the mirror to see if I've grown over weight overnight or not (as ridiculous as it seems). Do you personally like your body appearance or do you simply accept it as it is? (I've seen your 'comparison' video and that really helped me a lot to challenge the comparisons and I no longer compare myself to others).
3. I know your did a video on food rituals. I'm honest and say I still have some (food not touching on plate, order in which I eat my food, how I eat my sandwich, weighing most foods before eating them). However, I just wanted to ask whether it is OK to keep them? After all, they are not so bad that I cannot eat out with others (I regularly do) and I personally like them as they make me feel safe. They don't impact on my health, and I don't care if people will laugh at me.
4. I'm going to university next year. I believe you have got a degree/have studied in higher education and want to ask you whether you can give me advise on staying safe if you have a history of an ED? Obviously there are many changes: living away from home, being more independent, being with so many new faces etc. Any tips?"
My responses:
1 - Expanding meal options is always difficult. You're not alone. It might take some time to get adjusted and feel comfortable. Don't give up if you feel uncomfortable with the expansion the first few times (or even the first several). Is your dietitian able to help you with expanding? If you no longer see the dietitian and have simply been following a meal plan for a while, I would suggest making a few more appointments with the intent to healthfully and comfortably expand what you have already been doing. A dietitian will be able to tailor some meals for you and with you that are not part of a strict plan. He or she can hopefully give you some sample ideas you can try to incorporate.
Don't get stuck on the word "normal." There is no "normal" meal. Normal is something different to everyone and we all have different needs and likes. Try to list 5 foods you enjoy and see what's out there recipe wise for them. Forgetting about portion/calories/nutrition for a moment, print a few that look good to you and bring them to your psychologist (or dietician) and discuss. Getting their opinions can help you see if they look sufficient meal wise and may help validate your opinion of whether or not they are good meals for you.
2 - Yes, I do in fact like my body. At first, years ago when I first was putting on weight, I was just accepting it. But in time, I grew to like it and even love it. I know this might sound unbelievable - the women in my group often shake their heads at me in disbelief - but it's true. There was a time I could never imagine weighing what I do, because I thought it 1) impossible 2) thought I wouldn't be "me" and 3) thought it was too much. I stand corrected. :) I'm very happy with myself but it does take time, so be patient. You will get there.
3 - As for food rituals. I don't know that I'm qualified to say whether it's okay to keep them or not. My personal opinion is that they hold a person back, as they are still technically a piece of their disorder. Try to examine WHY you are keeping them or want to keep them. WANTING to keep them indicates that they make you feel safe or comfortable and that is not necessarily a good thing, but ideally (to be truly recovered) you should be able to get more and more out of your comfort zone until you can eating "normally." If the food rituals are like a security blanket for you, eventually it will be time to let go and move beyond them. That time may not be now if you have other things to focus on first. It is all about progress, Diana. If your intent is to progress in recovery, do not intend to hold on to your food rituals. Realize that they are just coping mechanisms for feeling comfortable in situations. That said, don't get hung up on this issue - you are clearly doing well in your recovery and this does not seem like a priority at the moment.
4 - I did a video a long time ago about going away to university (college here): Coping with College
It's quite an old video (when my video camera still gave me a lisp and I was fairly new to the YouTube community). I think you'll find that it will answer what you are asking. I know there are differences between the school systems here and where you are, but the concepts I talk about are the same. I started college/university in 2002 and definitely understand where you are coming from. I graduated with a degree in 2006 so it's a bit in my past, but I well remember what it was like. :)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Eating Disorders & The Media
This week's topic is The Media & Eating Disorders. This has been talked about many times over, and I've spoken about it/written about it before, but today's video touches on it again. In this video, I mention my feelings on the media, how it affects me, and what we can do to keep negative effects of the media at bay.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Food Side of Things
Here's this week's video - The Food Side of Things. We talk so much about the emotional and psychological aspect of eating disorders (which are very important), but this week I talk a bit more about the food aspect.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
My Responses to YOUR Answers to My Why Video
I know it's been video land lately on my blog, which is funny, because my first love and main staple is writing. I guess it's easier for me to just post videos on days that I am busy (which seems to be every day lately!) because I already have a commitment to make them anyway.
I posted a video not too long ago, in which I asked you why you felt that you couldn't achieve the same recovery I have. It's something I hear so often and I was trying to challenge that. I received so many responses, as comments on YouTube, as emails, as messages, and as comments on here - so I began making a video to address your answers to my question. It turned out to be two videos, and now seems like when all is said and done it will be three videos. :) Three parts, that is.
So, here are Part One and Part Two of My Responses to Your Answers to My Why Video. Part Three will be on its way by the end of the week.
PART ONE:
PART TWO:
I posted a video not too long ago, in which I asked you why you felt that you couldn't achieve the same recovery I have. It's something I hear so often and I was trying to challenge that. I received so many responses, as comments on YouTube, as emails, as messages, and as comments on here - so I began making a video to address your answers to my question. It turned out to be two videos, and now seems like when all is said and done it will be three videos. :) Three parts, that is.
So, here are Part One and Part Two of My Responses to Your Answers to My Why Video. Part Three will be on its way by the end of the week.
PART ONE:
PART TWO:
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Happy Birthday x 2
Well, this week marks not only my 26th birthday, but the 3rd birthday of my blog Actively Arielle as well! Thank you to all my readers, viewers, followers, and friends. I appreciate all your thoughts, comments, messages, and support of the blog.
I will leave you with today's video - the topic is: the ONE thing I really want to tell viewers about recovery.
I will leave you with today's video - the topic is: the ONE thing I really want to tell viewers about recovery.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
A Question for YOU - Why?
This is a video I did about 2 weeks ago - it was a bonus video, not one of my weekly Wednesday ones. I really wanted to ask this question (the question within the video) of all of my readers/viewers/etc. and I have gotten so many responses so far, both in the comments of the video on YouTube and via email and private messages. I plan to do a follow-up video very soon to respond to many of the answers I received, so please, leave me your thoughts if you have any.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
My Apologies
To anyone who may have received a hoax email from me, I am truly sorry. My gmail email accounts were hacked, as was my Facebook account. I spent all day yesterday trying to avoid identity theft. It has been a true nightmare.
If you opened the email or replied, you are not in danger. The scam was to get money from you. So only if you provided money or bank info are you at risk. I have gotten my computer assessed (it is fine) and just finally got access to my gmail accounts again. I was not able to access my blogs (they are attached to gmail) or YouTube because of this, therefore I could not tell you that it was not true. I could not remove the hoax post or even log on to update a post to tell you to disregard it. I am fine and was never in the UK. Someone accessed my account.
The post on my blog was fake and was not ME. I was hacked and it has been utterly exhausting trying to rectify this.
Yesterday was hell and I was finally able to re-instate my Facebook account by proving to the FB Team that I am me in a variety of ways. I was glad to have Facebook back, simply because it meant I could communicate with people again.
I am in the process of fixing everything and so far so good. Until further notice, please contact me on Facebook only (Arielle Lee Bair - I'm the only one). I plan to get a new email address shortly, but since my blog has to be associated with a google account, I do not know how I can get around not having gmail.
Please keep me in your thoughts - I had to leave work yesterday and take 4 hours of vacation time just to (begin to) sort this out. Many phone calls from worried people later, I am still in a tizzy over it all. I appreciate all the kind thoughts and concern. Please know that I would never post something like that (or email it).
If you opened the email or replied, you are not in danger. The scam was to get money from you. So only if you provided money or bank info are you at risk. I have gotten my computer assessed (it is fine) and just finally got access to my gmail accounts again. I was not able to access my blogs (they are attached to gmail) or YouTube because of this, therefore I could not tell you that it was not true. I could not remove the hoax post or even log on to update a post to tell you to disregard it. I am fine and was never in the UK. Someone accessed my account.
The post on my blog was fake and was not ME. I was hacked and it has been utterly exhausting trying to rectify this.
Yesterday was hell and I was finally able to re-instate my Facebook account by proving to the FB Team that I am me in a variety of ways. I was glad to have Facebook back, simply because it meant I could communicate with people again.
I am in the process of fixing everything and so far so good. Until further notice, please contact me on Facebook only (Arielle Lee Bair - I'm the only one). I plan to get a new email address shortly, but since my blog has to be associated with a google account, I do not know how I can get around not having gmail.
Please keep me in your thoughts - I had to leave work yesterday and take 4 hours of vacation time just to (begin to) sort this out. Many phone calls from worried people later, I am still in a tizzy over it all. I appreciate all the kind thoughts and concern. Please know that I would never post something like that (or email it).
Saturday, September 25, 2010
The Age Old Question
People have been asking me lately: "Are the thoughts really gone?" And the answer is: "Yes!" But what does a one-word answer really do for someone who wants to know the details of the essence of it all? So today, I'm going to direct you to a post of mine from one year ago. If you've read it before, read it again. Understand my main point: being "recovered" isn't about always being happy 100% of the time—it's about knowing what to do when you're not.
The old post, called Are the Thoughts Really Gone? can be found here.
The old post, called Are the Thoughts Really Gone? can be found here.
Farewell to An Eating Disorder
This is a fantastic video I discovered today by accident. It's from a British YT channel called BodyGossip and I love it. It's a very powerful and important message and I need to share it with all of you. Take it to heart! It's speaks the truth!
This video is a Farewell to an Eating Disorder.
This video is a Farewell to an Eating Disorder.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Helpful Support
Here's my video from this week. It's targeted at both those with eating disorders and those who know someone with an eating disorder.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Afraid to Slip Up and Disappoint
Here's my Wednesday video from this week. I think this is an important topic in regards to being able to truly move further in recovery.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Follow Up On the Beauty Message Challenge
If you haven't already read my recent post on the Beauty Message Challenge, you can do so here. Then, here's a video in which I discuss my experience with the BMC and give both an update and a special message to all of you.
You are beautiful!
You are beautiful!
Friday, September 10, 2010
How to Do Recovery When Just Living Is Too Hard
Extra video this week! How lucky are you? :)
This was a special request. And don't worry - I will get the Beauty Message Challenge video (which goes along with my BMC post) up this weekend. I have it ready!
This was a special request. And don't worry - I will get the Beauty Message Challenge video (which goes along with my BMC post) up this weekend. I have it ready!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Is This As Good As It Gets?
Definitely check this one out - this week I discussed the topic:
You're eating healthily, exercising moderately and taking good care of yourself, people assume you are doing well, but inside its still hard -- How do you stay strong? (and is this as good as it gets?)
You're eating healthily, exercising moderately and taking good care of yourself, people assume you are doing well, but inside its still hard -- How do you stay strong? (and is this as good as it gets?)
Saturday, September 4, 2010
You are Beautiful!
You remember my post about the Beauty Message Challenge? Well, my 10 days have elapsed and I'm ready to share them with you. (A video post will follow later this weekend.)
Day One
I posted two messages about The Beauty Message Challenge on the Facebook profiles of 2 beautiful women, telling them in frank terms that they are beautiful no matter what size they are and that no one is beautiful the way they are.
I also went to dinner with my friend Beth and gave her a little speech right outside the restaurant as we waited for a table to free up. This is what I told her:
Day Two
I posted two messages about The Beauty Message Challenge on the Facebook profiles of 2 more beautiful women, telling them in frank terms that they are beautiful because they are one of a kind and very strong.
I also called my mother and told her over the phone what The Beauty Message Challenge was all about - and that I was doing my own spin on it. "So Mom," I said, "I wanted to tell you that YOU are beautiful. And the reason..." She began to laugh, which interrupted me. "Mom, why are you laughing? Don't laugh at me. I'm being serious. You are beautiful and I'm not afraid to tell you." She quieted. I continued, "The reason you are beautiful is because you are funny and you're not afraid to be yourself. You look great for your age, you're pretty and--"
It was around this time that she interrupted again. She said, "You're going to make me cry in the middle of Target."
To which I said, "That would be kind of cool," and chuckled. But then continued, "And you've always been a wonderful mother and I love you."
Day Three
I found the most beautiful(!) card for my friend Jen. It's made by Blue Mountain Arts and they might as well be making cards for The Beauty Message Challenge, because it (and others like it) were perfect for my purposes this week, as you can see.
I popped it in the mail to Jen with a typed page explaining further reasons why she is beautiful and describing The Beauty Message Challenge. I also sent her a CD I hope will be a peaceful gift. Jen is beautiful AND planning her wedding (next month!) right now, so she definitely deserves to hear both the words written in the card and the CD.
I then posted two more messages on the Facebook profiles of two new beautiful women, letting them know they are beautiful, strong, and wonderful.
Day Four
I mailed a special card to my best friend, Libes. It said what I wanted it to say - and what it didn't say, I wrote in myself. :) What did I add? That she's beautiful because she's family oriented, always there for me, has a great body and smile, is fun with a capital F, and much much more. I can't put into the words the beauty of Libes, but she certainly deserves to hear it!
Day Five
I brought a special card into work for my co-worker, Kathy. And I made sure to write in it: "You are beautiful AND I'm not afraid to tell you! A special card for a special woman." I explained to her face to face what the Beauty Message Challenge was all about and handed her the card. :) (She told me later that she has the card displayed at home.)
Day Six
I emailed my friend Alicia and let her know she was beautiful and why in detail. I mean, who wouldn't want to get an email with the subject line: "You are beautiful :)" first thing in the morning? Alicia is one of my dearest friends and is beautiful inside and out.
Day Seven
I sent a message to my friend Huoi. I told her about the BMC and why I think she's beautiful. She's a hard-working doctor and definitely deserves to know!
Day Eight
I brought a special card into work for my friend Val. The card was all about how she is strong, and of course, beautiful. She opened it up and started crying. Her other reactions? She gave me a hug (still crying) and said, "Well I'm not afraid to tell you you're beautiful! I tell you all the time!" which made me laugh.
Day Nine
I sent a message to my friend Sarah telling her about the BMC and explaining why I think she's beautiful. Will she take on the BMC herself and tell herself she's beautiful each day for 10 days? I don't know... but she should, because she's very beautiful. She's in Jen's wedding with me and I love spending time with her. We've been friends since 1st grade!
Day Ten
Day Ten is today - the last day of the BMC. I have a card in my purse that is ready to be given to a co-worker after the weekend is over. She was out for a few days at the end of this work week, so I wasn't able to give it to her when planned. But today, I am telling all of you that YOU are beautiful. It's true. You read the blog, you take the words to heart, and you fight your own fight every single day. There's lots of beauty going on here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If there's one thing I discovered during my version of the Beauty Message Challenge, it's that women got embarrassed when I told them they were beautiful, and further embarrassed when I began to tell them why. Some blushed, some interrupted me because they were so surprised, and some cried. What kind of world do we live in when women have such a reaction to being told the TRUTH, that they are beautiful?
I also noticed that as I was telling the separate women they were beautiful (and why) in my variety of ways, I often got choked up or emotional myself. I meant what I said (or wrote) to everyone I told and I wish everyone could hear it a million times over.
One of my favorite sayings of all time is: "Beauty is not a state of body. It's a state of mind." I say this and write this constantly. I love it. But you know what, ladies? Your bodies are beautiful too.
Today, don't argue with me. Accept that you are beautiful. Accept that I think you are. And you know what else? I'm beautiful too. :)
Day One
I posted two messages about The Beauty Message Challenge on the Facebook profiles of 2 beautiful women, telling them in frank terms that they are beautiful no matter what size they are and that no one is beautiful the way they are.
I also went to dinner with my friend Beth and gave her a little speech right outside the restaurant as we waited for a table to free up. This is what I told her:
Day Two
I posted two messages about The Beauty Message Challenge on the Facebook profiles of 2 more beautiful women, telling them in frank terms that they are beautiful because they are one of a kind and very strong.
I also called my mother and told her over the phone what The Beauty Message Challenge was all about - and that I was doing my own spin on it. "So Mom," I said, "I wanted to tell you that YOU are beautiful. And the reason..." She began to laugh, which interrupted me. "Mom, why are you laughing? Don't laugh at me. I'm being serious. You are beautiful and I'm not afraid to tell you." She quieted. I continued, "The reason you are beautiful is because you are funny and you're not afraid to be yourself. You look great for your age, you're pretty and--"
It was around this time that she interrupted again. She said, "You're going to make me cry in the middle of Target."
To which I said, "That would be kind of cool," and chuckled. But then continued, "And you've always been a wonderful mother and I love you."
Day Three
I found the most beautiful(!) card for my friend Jen. It's made by Blue Mountain Arts and they might as well be making cards for The Beauty Message Challenge, because it (and others like it) were perfect for my purposes this week, as you can see.
I popped it in the mail to Jen with a typed page explaining further reasons why she is beautiful and describing The Beauty Message Challenge. I also sent her a CD I hope will be a peaceful gift. Jen is beautiful AND planning her wedding (next month!) right now, so she definitely deserves to hear both the words written in the card and the CD.
I then posted two more messages on the Facebook profiles of two new beautiful women, letting them know they are beautiful, strong, and wonderful.
Day Four
I mailed a special card to my best friend, Libes. It said what I wanted it to say - and what it didn't say, I wrote in myself. :) What did I add? That she's beautiful because she's family oriented, always there for me, has a great body and smile, is fun with a capital F, and much much more. I can't put into the words the beauty of Libes, but she certainly deserves to hear it!
Day Five
I brought a special card into work for my co-worker, Kathy. And I made sure to write in it: "You are beautiful AND I'm not afraid to tell you! A special card for a special woman." I explained to her face to face what the Beauty Message Challenge was all about and handed her the card. :) (She told me later that she has the card displayed at home.)
Day Six
I emailed my friend Alicia and let her know she was beautiful and why in detail. I mean, who wouldn't want to get an email with the subject line: "You are beautiful :)" first thing in the morning? Alicia is one of my dearest friends and is beautiful inside and out.
Day Seven
I sent a message to my friend Huoi. I told her about the BMC and why I think she's beautiful. She's a hard-working doctor and definitely deserves to know!
Day Eight
I brought a special card into work for my friend Val. The card was all about how she is strong, and of course, beautiful. She opened it up and started crying. Her other reactions? She gave me a hug (still crying) and said, "Well I'm not afraid to tell you you're beautiful! I tell you all the time!" which made me laugh.
Day Nine
I sent a message to my friend Sarah telling her about the BMC and explaining why I think she's beautiful. Will she take on the BMC herself and tell herself she's beautiful each day for 10 days? I don't know... but she should, because she's very beautiful. She's in Jen's wedding with me and I love spending time with her. We've been friends since 1st grade!
Day Ten
Day Ten is today - the last day of the BMC. I have a card in my purse that is ready to be given to a co-worker after the weekend is over. She was out for a few days at the end of this work week, so I wasn't able to give it to her when planned. But today, I am telling all of you that YOU are beautiful. It's true. You read the blog, you take the words to heart, and you fight your own fight every single day. There's lots of beauty going on here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If there's one thing I discovered during my version of the Beauty Message Challenge, it's that women got embarrassed when I told them they were beautiful, and further embarrassed when I began to tell them why. Some blushed, some interrupted me because they were so surprised, and some cried. What kind of world do we live in when women have such a reaction to being told the TRUTH, that they are beautiful?
I also noticed that as I was telling the separate women they were beautiful (and why) in my variety of ways, I often got choked up or emotional myself. I meant what I said (or wrote) to everyone I told and I wish everyone could hear it a million times over.
One of my favorite sayings of all time is: "Beauty is not a state of body. It's a state of mind." I say this and write this constantly. I love it. But you know what, ladies? Your bodies are beautiful too.
Today, don't argue with me. Accept that you are beautiful. Accept that I think you are. And you know what else? I'm beautiful too. :)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
The Beauty Message Challenge
I am participating in the Beauty Message Challenge. And I hope you will too.
Click here to see what it's all about.
I will actually be a guest blogger for the first week in September. And here's what I'm doing for my special challenge:
1 - Each day for the next 10 days (starting with today), I will tell one woman in my life that she is beautiful and why. I plan to do this in a variety of ways, depending on the woman in question - by email, phone, card in the mail, in person, etc.
2 - I will also keep up with the main goal of the Beauty Message Challenge by telling myself that I am beautiful.
3 - I will have a special message for all my readers/viewers posted on September 4th, and the readers of The Beauty Message blog will see it as well, as it will be posted there too. The special message on September 4th will detail my experience sharing the beauty message with others and I will also share my thoughts on beauty. In addition, there will be a video posted that relates to the topic at hand.
Join me in telling yourself that you are beautiful each day for the next days. Please?
Click here to see what it's all about.
I will actually be a guest blogger for the first week in September. And here's what I'm doing for my special challenge:
1 - Each day for the next 10 days (starting with today), I will tell one woman in my life that she is beautiful and why. I plan to do this in a variety of ways, depending on the woman in question - by email, phone, card in the mail, in person, etc.
2 - I will also keep up with the main goal of the Beauty Message Challenge by telling myself that I am beautiful.
3 - I will have a special message for all my readers/viewers posted on September 4th, and the readers of The Beauty Message blog will see it as well, as it will be posted there too. The special message on September 4th will detail my experience sharing the beauty message with others and I will also share my thoughts on beauty. In addition, there will be a video posted that relates to the topic at hand.
Join me in telling yourself that you are beautiful each day for the next days. Please?
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Beating the "Eating Out" Dilemma
This is a question I received from a friend a couple of months ago. I responded to her and told her I planned to post that response on my blog so you could see it too. Hope it helps. :)
***"So my boyfriend LOVES food. Of course he knows about my eating disorder, but we are planning a bunch of trips... and he wants to eat out like all the time.. and I'm just not comfortable. You know what it's like... eating out is just a different ball game... I can eat out like once a day max, have whatever I want, without getting uncomfortable. And I mean I can eat out for lunch and dinner if I need to but I usually get crabby and uncomfortable about it... I was just wondering.. have you ever had that issue in recovery and what has helped you with it?"***
Yes, I definitely know what you mean about eating out. I used to really get antsy about it and it takes the joy out of being on trip.
1 - I found that knowing exactly what the plan was beforehand really helped any anxiety I had about it. So if there's any way you can sort of a) figure out where you two will head for the meals (or what kind of food you will be getting) the night before or first thing in the morning, that's ideal and b) if that's not gonna happen, YOU can at least plan what you will have for each meal. I know you won't have any menus in front of you, but you can set yourself a little generic plan for breakfast, lunch, dinner. That way when you get to the restaurant you already feel more secure and contained and know what to "look for" on the menu.
2 - Remember that if he knows about your ED you can be up front with him and make point 1 able to happen. Tell him it may help you to plan things out more before just doing, doing, doing so that you can enjoy yourself more. That at this point it's hard for you to just go with the flow, etc.
3 - Eating out doesn't necessarily mean you're eating unhealthily. If you can break your mind of that thinking, you'll feel better. Sure, one of the meals might feel heavier and more like "junk" than the others, but eating in a restaurant can honestly be every bit as FINE as eating a home cooked meal. So try to think of it in a different light.
4 - Make a deal with him that if you are going to eat 2-3 meals out per day, YOU and only you get to pick at least one of them. Then YOU pick the place. You'll feel more in control AND you'll be able to find a place that feels safe and healthy to you if you've had a day of eating a lot. And if you keep that "deal" up for the duration of your trips, you will feel lots better.
***"So my boyfriend LOVES food. Of course he knows about my eating disorder, but we are planning a bunch of trips... and he wants to eat out like all the time.. and I'm just not comfortable. You know what it's like... eating out is just a different ball game... I can eat out like once a day max, have whatever I want, without getting uncomfortable. And I mean I can eat out for lunch and dinner if I need to but I usually get crabby and uncomfortable about it... I was just wondering.. have you ever had that issue in recovery and what has helped you with it?"***
Yes, I definitely know what you mean about eating out. I used to really get antsy about it and it takes the joy out of being on trip.
1 - I found that knowing exactly what the plan was beforehand really helped any anxiety I had about it. So if there's any way you can sort of a) figure out where you two will head for the meals (or what kind of food you will be getting) the night before or first thing in the morning, that's ideal and b) if that's not gonna happen, YOU can at least plan what you will have for each meal. I know you won't have any menus in front of you, but you can set yourself a little generic plan for breakfast, lunch, dinner. That way when you get to the restaurant you already feel more secure and contained and know what to "look for" on the menu.
2 - Remember that if he knows about your ED you can be up front with him and make point 1 able to happen. Tell him it may help you to plan things out more before just doing, doing, doing so that you can enjoy yourself more. That at this point it's hard for you to just go with the flow, etc.
3 - Eating out doesn't necessarily mean you're eating unhealthily. If you can break your mind of that thinking, you'll feel better. Sure, one of the meals might feel heavier and more like "junk" than the others, but eating in a restaurant can honestly be every bit as FINE as eating a home cooked meal. So try to think of it in a different light.
4 - Make a deal with him that if you are going to eat 2-3 meals out per day, YOU and only you get to pick at least one of them. Then YOU pick the place. You'll feel more in control AND you'll be able to find a place that feels safe and healthy to you if you've had a day of eating a lot. And if you keep that "deal" up for the duration of your trips, you will feel lots better.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Slip-Ups vs. Relapses
Here's last week's Wednesday video. I'm a bit behind. :) It was up, but I forgot to post it here.
I think this is an important topic: Slip-ups vs. Relapses. A lot of people want to know the difference and what each one entails. Here you go!
I think this is an important topic: Slip-ups vs. Relapses. A lot of people want to know the difference and what each one entails. Here you go!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Struggling with Growing Up
A reader asks,
"There are still things that I struggle with that I do not blog about, such as how my eating disorder is related to my fears of growing up and regression issues. I think a lot of people with EDs struggle with fears of growing up and regression- especially adolescents. I feel like a lot of people know that they struggle with this, but they're not very open about it. I would love to see you post something about eating disorders and fears of growing up. I've done my research and my therapist also tells me it is very common."
It is quite common. You're not alone. My hardest time within my own eating disorder was when I went away to college. I was turning 18 and everything seemed like a huge transition for me. I was becoming an adult, I was adapting to living on my own, I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted. I was making new kinds of friends. I was becoming more and more independent. It was very strange and made me very anxious.
I remember a time, as an older adolescent, that being dependent on my parents just seemed safer to me. It felt more natural and more comforting. I felt like growing up was completely out of my comfort zone.
And I think that's really what's at the heart of this issue: growing up feels unnatural. Why? Because you are so used to being young. You aren't used to being an adult because you've never been one yet. So how can you like it? Understand it? Be okay with it?
Some people are just better at adapting than others. I wasn't one of those people. I was anxious and I was looking for a way to make myself feel better about the whole thing. Cue eating disorder. I don't mean to say that my eating disorder stemmed completely from the fear of growing up, but that fear certainly played a part in my anxiety, in my transitional thinking, and in my eating disorder development.
I think being a kid is (normally) associated with feeling safe. So NOT being a kid often feels like the opposite.
The question then becomes, my friends, WHAT can you do to make you feel safer as you embark upon the journey of growing up? What's going to make you feel better about the whole strange thing?
A few suggestions:
1) Don't let go of childhood completely. Keep something with you/near you that represents comfort to you, whether it be a blanket, a picture, a stuffed animal, a book, a doll, etc. You'd be surprised how the memories and the feelings that go along with that object sink into your subconscious when you look at it/hold it while you're feeling anxious.
2) Talk to someone (or more than one someone!) who represents great adulthood to you. Someone you admire. Someone who is not very far from your own age. For example, if you're 18, maybe someone in their mid to late 20s would be able to make you realize that growing up can be just as good as staying a kid. Seek someone out who embodies positivity... someone who can be a role model... someone you like to be around. Let those encounters/talks/discussions be a guide into the future.
3) Remember that you're not alone. Everyone grows up sometimes. It's not necessarily a fun process, but it doesn't have to be terrible. Ask yourself why you're really afraid. What is it specifically about growing up that makes you so anxious that you want to regress?
"There are still things that I struggle with that I do not blog about, such as how my eating disorder is related to my fears of growing up and regression issues. I think a lot of people with EDs struggle with fears of growing up and regression- especially adolescents. I feel like a lot of people know that they struggle with this, but they're not very open about it. I would love to see you post something about eating disorders and fears of growing up. I've done my research and my therapist also tells me it is very common."
It is quite common. You're not alone. My hardest time within my own eating disorder was when I went away to college. I was turning 18 and everything seemed like a huge transition for me. I was becoming an adult, I was adapting to living on my own, I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted. I was making new kinds of friends. I was becoming more and more independent. It was very strange and made me very anxious.
I remember a time, as an older adolescent, that being dependent on my parents just seemed safer to me. It felt more natural and more comforting. I felt like growing up was completely out of my comfort zone.
And I think that's really what's at the heart of this issue: growing up feels unnatural. Why? Because you are so used to being young. You aren't used to being an adult because you've never been one yet. So how can you like it? Understand it? Be okay with it?
Some people are just better at adapting than others. I wasn't one of those people. I was anxious and I was looking for a way to make myself feel better about the whole thing. Cue eating disorder. I don't mean to say that my eating disorder stemmed completely from the fear of growing up, but that fear certainly played a part in my anxiety, in my transitional thinking, and in my eating disorder development.
I think being a kid is (normally) associated with feeling safe. So NOT being a kid often feels like the opposite.
The question then becomes, my friends, WHAT can you do to make you feel safer as you embark upon the journey of growing up? What's going to make you feel better about the whole strange thing?
A few suggestions:
1) Don't let go of childhood completely. Keep something with you/near you that represents comfort to you, whether it be a blanket, a picture, a stuffed animal, a book, a doll, etc. You'd be surprised how the memories and the feelings that go along with that object sink into your subconscious when you look at it/hold it while you're feeling anxious.
2) Talk to someone (or more than one someone!) who represents great adulthood to you. Someone you admire. Someone who is not very far from your own age. For example, if you're 18, maybe someone in their mid to late 20s would be able to make you realize that growing up can be just as good as staying a kid. Seek someone out who embodies positivity... someone who can be a role model... someone you like to be around. Let those encounters/talks/discussions be a guide into the future.
3) Remember that you're not alone. Everyone grows up sometimes. It's not necessarily a fun process, but it doesn't have to be terrible. Ask yourself why you're really afraid. What is it specifically about growing up that makes you so anxious that you want to regress?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
2 Videos for Wednesday
First video is just my regular weekly video. This week's topic is Where & How to Get Help. It's a 10 minute video full of resources.
The second video is a video I just made called Sharing Something Special: SpoonFed Art. If you don't know what SpoonFed Art pendants are, watch this video! It's only 5 minutes or so and it'll make you smile. :)
The second video is a video I just made called Sharing Something Special: SpoonFed Art. If you don't know what SpoonFed Art pendants are, watch this video! It's only 5 minutes or so and it'll make you smile. :)
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
One Thing That Influenced...
My Wednesday video is up. This week's topic goes right along with the memoir videos I posted recently. The specific topic is: What has been the significant piece, or a significant piece of your eating disorder, or development of one, and how have you used that information to overcome it.
I talk a lot about girls and bullying.
I talk a lot about girls and bullying.
Monday, July 5, 2010
The Final Installment of "So, What's Your Story?"
Here's the last installment in my memoir videos. You can find PART ONE here, followed by PART TWO here, followed by PART THREE here. Hope you have enjoyed getting some answers to your questions. :)
Monday, June 28, 2010
PART THREE of "So What's Your Story?"
Here's the next installment in my memoir videos. You can find PART ONE here and PART TWO here. Here's PART THREE, continuing right along:
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
PART TWO of "So, What's Your Story?"
Here's the next installment in my memoir videos. You can find PART ONE here. This is PART TWO:
PART THREE TO COME SHORTLY.
PART THREE TO COME SHORTLY.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
"So, What's YOUR Story?"
There is one question I get asked a lot. So I thought I'd answer it... slowly and in video form. I've had this blog for 3 years and I've never really given a play by play of my own history. I've touched on things here and there, mentioned details in reference to the advice I've given, and clearly explained that I recovered from anorexia, but I haven't really delved into all of it. It's not typically what I'm about. I mean, how many eating disorder memoirs are out there?
But I'm not ashamed and I'm an open book. :)
It will be in parts, because of the 10 minute time limit on videos.
Here we go...
This is my story (in a nutshell).
Memoir PART ONE
But I'm not ashamed and I'm an open book. :)
It will be in parts, because of the 10 minute time limit on videos.
Here we go...
This is my story (in a nutshell).
Memoir PART ONE
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Video Version of "Dealing with Summer" + Your Body
This week's topic is:
"Make your clothes fit you instead of making your body fit your clothes. Many popular clothing retailers produce clothing that flatter thin body types. There is a lot of pressure to buy those "goal jeans" that may never flatter your body type. Many times having a fashion makeover that flatters your body type can make any body look appealing, and improve self-esteem. How can we respect our bodies by finding clothing that fits our body instead of making our body fit clothing."
My video is a spoken version of my latest post regarding clothing and summer, but there are some other tidbits as well, including links to 4 other videos that are relevant. I know some people enjoy watching/listening vs. reading, so here you go!
"Make your clothes fit you instead of making your body fit your clothes. Many popular clothing retailers produce clothing that flatter thin body types. There is a lot of pressure to buy those "goal jeans" that may never flatter your body type. Many times having a fashion makeover that flatters your body type can make any body look appealing, and improve self-esteem. How can we respect our bodies by finding clothing that fits our body instead of making our body fit clothing."
My video is a spoken version of my latest post regarding clothing and summer, but there are some other tidbits as well, including links to 4 other videos that are relevant. I know some people enjoy watching/listening vs. reading, so here you go!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Question # 22: Dealing with Summer
I was asked a question by a reader via email and I thought it so appropriate right now, so I wanted to be sure to address it as soon as possible.
---"How can I face the summer? It is the hardest season to me. T-shirts, skirts, shorts, tops... a lot of body shown. And I don't like my body. People look at the body in Summer, you can't cover it under pullovers. I have to see it. And it makes me feel bad. It gives me the need to fall again in restricting behaviours with food. Anorexia comes again, every Summer. So, what can I do to not focus on my body and to not restrict eating?"---
For a lot of women with eating disorders, summer is like the Christmas holidays. It can strike fear in their hearts, make them wildly uncomfortable, give them that awful feeling of dread. It doesn't have to be that way. We're sort of conditioned by society to think that the only thing beautiful in the summer is a thin, tan woman showing off lots of skin. It's not so.
Summer isn't about looks. And it shouldn't be about putting MORE effort into your appearance - it should be about going with the flow, being yourself, and being natural.
If you look at the summer as this scary thing waiting to make you miserable, it will. But summer can be wonderful.
Okay - so it's hot and you need to wear less clothing to keep cool. I understand that. And you're uncomfortable with it. I understand that too. But here's a small trick to keep you feeling a little better when you're wearing your shorts or your bathing suit, or your tank top: Wear one thing that makes you feel really good.
When you get dressed and you're already practically itching with angst and disgust, put on one thing that makes you feel a) brave b) cheerful 3)confident, or preferably, all of the above. Examples? A favorite summer scarf - it can feel like a light shield, keeping you just a little bit more covered so you're just a little bit more comfortable. Or a really unique necklace someone gave you that makes you feel special. Something with meaning. Something to take away from the negative way your outfit makes you feel.
You may have to put some thought into this. In fact, if you're completely at a loss, you may have to make a plan and take a shopping trip to buy some interesting mood savers... like, go on the lookout for a special belt. Something you absolutely LOVE that you can wear with all those pairs of shorts that make you want to hide away at home. Get creative. Think about what can improve your sense of self and your opinion of your attire.
Sometimes it's really just the little things that make a difference.
As for keeping yourself from turning to anorexia/bulimia/binge eating disorder/EDNOS/etc etc etc. - THAT, my friends, is up to you.
Do you really want to let a season of beauty and warmth and possibilities flatten you down, send you spinning down that spiral into depression and disorder, keep you from enjoying life?
You'll have to accept your body at some point in order to move forward... so just help yourself to accept your body. Do little things to keep yourself committed to recovery. Don't let a season have power over you.
These old videos of mine might help too:
A Smaller Size Is Not A Prize: Dealing with clothing
Learning to Accept Your Body
Getting Past Hating Your Body
Perfection & Imperfection
---"How can I face the summer? It is the hardest season to me. T-shirts, skirts, shorts, tops... a lot of body shown. And I don't like my body. People look at the body in Summer, you can't cover it under pullovers. I have to see it. And it makes me feel bad. It gives me the need to fall again in restricting behaviours with food. Anorexia comes again, every Summer. So, what can I do to not focus on my body and to not restrict eating?"---
For a lot of women with eating disorders, summer is like the Christmas holidays. It can strike fear in their hearts, make them wildly uncomfortable, give them that awful feeling of dread. It doesn't have to be that way. We're sort of conditioned by society to think that the only thing beautiful in the summer is a thin, tan woman showing off lots of skin. It's not so.
Summer isn't about looks. And it shouldn't be about putting MORE effort into your appearance - it should be about going with the flow, being yourself, and being natural.
If you look at the summer as this scary thing waiting to make you miserable, it will. But summer can be wonderful.
Okay - so it's hot and you need to wear less clothing to keep cool. I understand that. And you're uncomfortable with it. I understand that too. But here's a small trick to keep you feeling a little better when you're wearing your shorts or your bathing suit, or your tank top: Wear one thing that makes you feel really good.
When you get dressed and you're already practically itching with angst and disgust, put on one thing that makes you feel a) brave b) cheerful 3)confident, or preferably, all of the above. Examples? A favorite summer scarf - it can feel like a light shield, keeping you just a little bit more covered so you're just a little bit more comfortable. Or a really unique necklace someone gave you that makes you feel special. Something with meaning. Something to take away from the negative way your outfit makes you feel.
You may have to put some thought into this. In fact, if you're completely at a loss, you may have to make a plan and take a shopping trip to buy some interesting mood savers... like, go on the lookout for a special belt. Something you absolutely LOVE that you can wear with all those pairs of shorts that make you want to hide away at home. Get creative. Think about what can improve your sense of self and your opinion of your attire.
Sometimes it's really just the little things that make a difference.
As for keeping yourself from turning to anorexia/bulimia/binge eating disorder/EDNOS/etc etc etc. - THAT, my friends, is up to you.
Do you really want to let a season of beauty and warmth and possibilities flatten you down, send you spinning down that spiral into depression and disorder, keep you from enjoying life?
You'll have to accept your body at some point in order to move forward... so just help yourself to accept your body. Do little things to keep yourself committed to recovery. Don't let a season have power over you.
These old videos of mine might help too:
A Smaller Size Is Not A Prize: Dealing with clothing
Learning to Accept Your Body
Getting Past Hating Your Body
Perfection & Imperfection
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Anger
This week's topic is: Anger. Is it good? Is it bad? I also discuss ways to get your anger out so you don't internalize it.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Some Things I've Learned
This week's topic is about what is learned in recovery.
Specifically, I
1) share the 3 most important things I have learned in recovery
2) talk about the hardest thing I had to overcome
3) and tell the viewers one message I'd like to tell them about recovery and why it's worth it!
Specifically, I
1) share the 3 most important things I have learned in recovery
2) talk about the hardest thing I had to overcome
3) and tell the viewers one message I'd like to tell them about recovery and why it's worth it!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Suicide: What You Need To Know
Eating Disorders, Suicide, and Resources.
This is actually my video from last week.
But I went away on a little vacation with my husband, so I didn't have a chance to post it.
It's important.
The links from the YouTube "info" box are below - for several countries!
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org - USA hotline
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ - USA help and hotline
http://psychcentral.com/helpme.htm - USA help
http://www.contactwecare.org/index.htm -USA help
http://www.papyrus-uk.org/ -UK help/hotline
http://www.samaritans.org/ - UK help/hotline
http://suicidepreventionaust.org/Home.aspx -Australia help/hotline
http://www.lifeline.org.au/ - Australia help/hotline
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Europe/ -Many countries in Europe
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Asia/ - Many countries in Asia
http://www.suicidepreventionhelp.com/directory/Crisis_Centers/Africa/ -Many countries in Africa
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/South_America/ - Many countries in South America
http://www.suicideinfo.ca/ - Canada help/hotline
http://suicidehotlines.com/canada.html
This is actually my video from last week.
But I went away on a little vacation with my husband, so I didn't have a chance to post it.
It's important.
The links from the YouTube "info" box are below - for several countries!
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org - USA hotline
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ - USA help and hotline
http://psychcentral.com/helpme.htm - USA help
http://www.contactwecare.org/index.htm -USA help
http://www.papyrus-uk.org/ -UK help/hotline
http://www.samaritans.org/ - UK help/hotline
http://suicidepreventionaust.org/Home.aspx -Australia help/hotline
http://www.lifeline.org.au/ - Australia help/hotline
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Europe/ -Many countries in Europe
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Asia/ - Many countries in Asia
http://www.suicidepreventionhelp.com/directory/Crisis_Centers/Africa/ -Many countries in Africa
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/South_America/ - Many countries in South America
http://www.suicideinfo.ca/ - Canada help/hotline
http://suicidehotlines.com/canada.html
Friday, May 21, 2010
One Special Little Girl!
Check out this little girl - she's happy with her life and she's happy with herself. I love it! Confidence 101. :)
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Holding Yourself Accountable
This week's topic is: Holding yourself accountable - how to do this, what it means, etc.
This is extremely important in recovery. Don't take it for granted!
This is extremely important in recovery. Don't take it for granted!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Messages Girls DO Need to Hear
I know a bunch of you have watched my most recent video called "Tell Her," which I posted earlier this week. Interestingly enough, this week's Wednesday video is:
Messages Girls DO Need to Hear
Check it out!
Messages Girls DO Need to Hear
Check it out!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Tell Her
Just a little something I crafted this week.
Tell her.
Your daughter.
Your sister.
Your friend.
Your niece.
Any little girl you know.
Any teenage girl too.
Tell Her.
Tell her.
Your daughter.
Your sister.
Your friend.
Your niece.
Any little girl you know.
Any teenage girl too.
Tell Her.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Complications of Binge Eating Disorder
My Wednesday video for this week was up yesterday. My topic for the week is: Complications of Binge Eating Disorder. I tried to stay very specific as others in the collab are covering other aspects of BED.
Friday, April 30, 2010
International Resources
I know a plethora of eating disorder resources and can share them with people readily. Those resources (including hotlines, websites, forums, projects, blogs, organizations, support groups, and therapists), however, are only for the United States. And I've been thinking (and worrying) about how disheartening that must be for a lot of people.
A woman commented on one of my videos recently, telling me how she'd been to see a doctor who passed off her bulimia as something that wasn't serious, how she has struggled to get help, how she doesn't know where to turn... because she's in Korea. She pleaded with me to help her - what could she do?, she asked.
Well, I immediately began searching the internet for resources in Korea. And let me tell you what a difficult time I had. I couldn't find a thing. I began to search broadly for eating disorder resources, and all I came up with were American sites, a few UK sites, and even fewer Australian sites. I know part of this is because I am using a search engine here in the United States. But I also know that it must be very hard for people in other countries to find the resources they need.
I couldn't find a single eating disorder hotline that wasn't in the USA or the UK. There's ANAD and NEDA and SomethingFishy's resources... but they can't help anyone who's not in the US.
So I responded to this viewer with encouragement and advice, but with a lack of actual resources of a place she could contact.
Well, after a lot of digging, I found two websites I'd like to share with you, especially as I know there are people from several different countries who read my blog.
The first is: Eating Disorder Hope International Treatment and Resources
This site lists several countries (by no means all, but it's better than anything else I've found) including Austria, China, Italy, and Japan as links, and when you click the link for the specific country, the site will list all the eating disorder resources available. It's wonderful.
The second is: an international links page for a UK Eating Disorders Association
On this page are a variety of services and organizations, marked by the flag of a specific country. Represented are the UK, Germany, New Zealand, the European Council on Eating Disorders, Canada, the US, etc.
Again, there are only a few countries represented here, but it's very helpful.
So, now, two things I'd like you to do if you can:
1) Pass these resources on to anyone you know (or use them yourself!)
2) Please tell me if you know of any other international resources or websites I can add to my list.
Thank you!
A woman commented on one of my videos recently, telling me how she'd been to see a doctor who passed off her bulimia as something that wasn't serious, how she has struggled to get help, how she doesn't know where to turn... because she's in Korea. She pleaded with me to help her - what could she do?, she asked.
Well, I immediately began searching the internet for resources in Korea. And let me tell you what a difficult time I had. I couldn't find a thing. I began to search broadly for eating disorder resources, and all I came up with were American sites, a few UK sites, and even fewer Australian sites. I know part of this is because I am using a search engine here in the United States. But I also know that it must be very hard for people in other countries to find the resources they need.
I couldn't find a single eating disorder hotline that wasn't in the USA or the UK. There's ANAD and NEDA and SomethingFishy's resources... but they can't help anyone who's not in the US.
So I responded to this viewer with encouragement and advice, but with a lack of actual resources of a place she could contact.
Well, after a lot of digging, I found two websites I'd like to share with you, especially as I know there are people from several different countries who read my blog.
The first is: Eating Disorder Hope International Treatment and Resources
This site lists several countries (by no means all, but it's better than anything else I've found) including Austria, China, Italy, and Japan as links, and when you click the link for the specific country, the site will list all the eating disorder resources available. It's wonderful.
The second is: an international links page for a UK Eating Disorders Association
On this page are a variety of services and organizations, marked by the flag of a specific country. Represented are the UK, Germany, New Zealand, the European Council on Eating Disorders, Canada, the US, etc.
Again, there are only a few countries represented here, but it's very helpful.
So, now, two things I'd like you to do if you can:
1) Pass these resources on to anyone you know (or use them yourself!)
2) Please tell me if you know of any other international resources or websites I can add to my list.
Thank you!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Bulimia Feelings & Situations
My Wednesday video is up. This week is all about Bulimia. My specific topic: Bulimia Nervosa triggers being hungry, feeling low, fat feelings, situations, all or nothing thinking, food feeling like a constant threat, guilt/shame. A lot to cover in 10 minutes! Did my best! :)
As usual, click to watch on YouTube as embedding has been disabled. :)
As usual, click to watch on YouTube as embedding has been disabled. :)
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Question # 21: When You Feel You've Exhausted the Topic
An anonymous reader recently wrote:
"Hi Arielle :) I'd really appreciate if you could give some advice on what to do when you feel you exhausted the subject of your ED with a friend, or family, in my case my boyfriend, yet you still feel like you do need to talk about it sometimes."
I'd start off by asking yourself a few simple questions.
Why do you feel you've exhausted the subject? Is it because of a reaction you get? Or is it because of a reaction you're afraid you'd get? Don't let fear get in the way of your needs.
Also: Do you feel misunderstood? Do you feel like you're not being heard? Is it putting a strain on the relationship or are you just afraid it will?
Make sure you assess your particular situation. It's very important.
Talking about your eating disorder is not something you can give yourself a limit for. You can't say, "I will only talk about it 3 times this week and if I've reached my max and need/want to talk about it again, I won't." It doesn't work that way.
If you feel you are holding something in, it will put even more of a strain on your relationship and on yourself.
Remember that having an eating disorder is like many other things. If someone comes home every day and says, "I had a bad day," because they dislike their job, they are saying the same things regularly and you wouldn't tell them to be quiet.
It's true that it can be hard for people to listen to things about eating disorders (or your eating disorder in particular) on a constant basis. Just be aware of how often you talk about it and how they might feel. Also be aware if you are repeating yourself a lot. Where do you hope to get with bringing up the eating disorder?
You know as well as anyone else that listening to someone complain on a regular basis is not fun. So ask yourself if your eating disorder talks are productive or therapeutic or helpful. If they are just complaints, they aren't helping you or the person listening to you.
Also remember that your partner or friend is not your therapist. Some things are better discussed in therapy. There is a difference between requesting support or acknowledging something, and having a mentally draining conversation frequently. It's really hard for some people to listen to certain things that therapists are more accustomed to hearing. Not everyone is equipped to be able to deal with everything. If you're not in therapy, consider it. Could be you need that outlet to get your thoughts out and right now only have a special person in your life to discuss these things with and it's becoming too much.
That said, needing to talk about the eating disorder is normal and silence will not get your far in recovery. If you hesitate to speak up when you need to because of another person, you may need to evaluate your relationship with the person. If they are not willing to listen or will not try to understand why you need to keep talking about the eating disorder from time to time, the problem may be the relationship.
Anyone recovering from an illness or addiction needs support, and if you are not getting support in the right quantities or in the right ways, you need to be honest with yourself.
For some people, keeping a journal is enough to make them feel better. For others, talking about struggles and thoughts are necessary. If you are constantly wishing you could talk about something, but don't, your relationship is not healthy...and neither is your recovery.
Any successful relationship needs good communication. And any successful relationship needs support flowing both ways. Do you have these things?
It may be that the person with whom you are in a relationship is not able to give you the support you need. This happens. Some people can not give us what we wish they would give us. It is not necessarily the fault of the person and there is not necessarily anything you can do to change the relationship dynamic. Sometimes it's just about acceptance, which can be very hard. Always put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand what they are hearing from you and how it might make them feel. BUT don't do this at the cost of your own well-being. PLEASE remember that compromise is a solution, NOT completely giving up your desire to talk about something. If you keep quiet for someone else's sake because you feel or they feel that you have exhausted the subject, you are really cheating yourself.
Be aware.
Be thoughtful.
Be willing to compromise.
But do not be silent.
Your recovery will suffer.
"Hi Arielle :) I'd really appreciate if you could give some advice on what to do when you feel you exhausted the subject of your ED with a friend, or family, in my case my boyfriend, yet you still feel like you do need to talk about it sometimes."
I'd start off by asking yourself a few simple questions.
Why do you feel you've exhausted the subject? Is it because of a reaction you get? Or is it because of a reaction you're afraid you'd get? Don't let fear get in the way of your needs.
Also: Do you feel misunderstood? Do you feel like you're not being heard? Is it putting a strain on the relationship or are you just afraid it will?
Make sure you assess your particular situation. It's very important.
Talking about your eating disorder is not something you can give yourself a limit for. You can't say, "I will only talk about it 3 times this week and if I've reached my max and need/want to talk about it again, I won't." It doesn't work that way.
If you feel you are holding something in, it will put even more of a strain on your relationship and on yourself.
Remember that having an eating disorder is like many other things. If someone comes home every day and says, "I had a bad day," because they dislike their job, they are saying the same things regularly and you wouldn't tell them to be quiet.
It's true that it can be hard for people to listen to things about eating disorders (or your eating disorder in particular) on a constant basis. Just be aware of how often you talk about it and how they might feel. Also be aware if you are repeating yourself a lot. Where do you hope to get with bringing up the eating disorder?
You know as well as anyone else that listening to someone complain on a regular basis is not fun. So ask yourself if your eating disorder talks are productive or therapeutic or helpful. If they are just complaints, they aren't helping you or the person listening to you.
Also remember that your partner or friend is not your therapist. Some things are better discussed in therapy. There is a difference between requesting support or acknowledging something, and having a mentally draining conversation frequently. It's really hard for some people to listen to certain things that therapists are more accustomed to hearing. Not everyone is equipped to be able to deal with everything. If you're not in therapy, consider it. Could be you need that outlet to get your thoughts out and right now only have a special person in your life to discuss these things with and it's becoming too much.
That said, needing to talk about the eating disorder is normal and silence will not get your far in recovery. If you hesitate to speak up when you need to because of another person, you may need to evaluate your relationship with the person. If they are not willing to listen or will not try to understand why you need to keep talking about the eating disorder from time to time, the problem may be the relationship.
Anyone recovering from an illness or addiction needs support, and if you are not getting support in the right quantities or in the right ways, you need to be honest with yourself.
For some people, keeping a journal is enough to make them feel better. For others, talking about struggles and thoughts are necessary. If you are constantly wishing you could talk about something, but don't, your relationship is not healthy...and neither is your recovery.
Any successful relationship needs good communication. And any successful relationship needs support flowing both ways. Do you have these things?
It may be that the person with whom you are in a relationship is not able to give you the support you need. This happens. Some people can not give us what we wish they would give us. It is not necessarily the fault of the person and there is not necessarily anything you can do to change the relationship dynamic. Sometimes it's just about acceptance, which can be very hard. Always put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand what they are hearing from you and how it might make them feel. BUT don't do this at the cost of your own well-being. PLEASE remember that compromise is a solution, NOT completely giving up your desire to talk about something. If you keep quiet for someone else's sake because you feel or they feel that you have exhausted the subject, you are really cheating yourself.
Be aware.
Be thoughtful.
Be willing to compromise.
But do not be silent.
Your recovery will suffer.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Factors in Anorexia Nervosa
Here's this week's video. This week is "All About Anorexia" and clearly there is a lot to say about this illness. I have a few specific topics in regards to Anorexia Nervosa, and I managed to include what I could in one 10 minute video.
As usual, please click to view on YouTube as I have disabled embedding.
As usual, please click to view on YouTube as I have disabled embedding.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
101 Followers!
I've hit 100 Followers! Well, actually, I had 99 this morning and now I have 101! In all honesty, I know a lot more people than that actually read this blog and just don't "follow" or have gmail, but seeing that number go up is cool just the same.
I've also surpassed 300 YouTube subscribers (337!).
Thank you, everyone! I appreciate your comments, questions, recovery stories, and kind words so much. Keep fighting and stay strong.
PS. Oh, and what do YOU want to read about? Let me know.
I've also surpassed 300 YouTube subscribers (337!).
Thank you, everyone! I appreciate your comments, questions, recovery stories, and kind words so much. Keep fighting and stay strong.
PS. Oh, and what do YOU want to read about? Let me know.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Three Things You Can Do Today
Those seeking recovery from an eating disorder, or those in recovery often talk about what they find difficult, what they feel they cannot do or are not ready to do, or what they'd like to but aren't able to do because of some kind of circumstance.
Well, here are 3 things you CAN do today - FOR SURE - so don't make excuses. Just do them. Sure, they are small steps, but they are steps. I'd like to do a post like this from time to time, with 3 things you CAN do right away. Right now.
Is this stuff earth-shattering? No. Is it good? Yes.
Three things you CAN do today:
- program your cell phone to tell you a nice message tomorrow at 10 AM (if you'll be sleeping, in a meeting, with a client, etc. at that time, it's no matter - the next time you look at your phone, that message will be waiting)
-look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I'll try to take care of you." This may sound a little cheesy, but when was the last time you told yourself that? And I'm not asking you to say, "I love myself" or "I'm beautiful" - think about it. You ARE ABLE to do this.
- find a positive post, quote, poem, etc. Print it, fold it, and put it in your wallet.
Do it now! There's no reason you can't.
Well, here are 3 things you CAN do today - FOR SURE - so don't make excuses. Just do them. Sure, they are small steps, but they are steps. I'd like to do a post like this from time to time, with 3 things you CAN do right away. Right now.
Is this stuff earth-shattering? No. Is it good? Yes.
Three things you CAN do today:
- program your cell phone to tell you a nice message tomorrow at 10 AM (if you'll be sleeping, in a meeting, with a client, etc. at that time, it's no matter - the next time you look at your phone, that message will be waiting)
-look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I'll try to take care of you." This may sound a little cheesy, but when was the last time you told yourself that? And I'm not asking you to say, "I love myself" or "I'm beautiful" - think about it. You ARE ABLE to do this.
- find a positive post, quote, poem, etc. Print it, fold it, and put it in your wallet.
Do it now! There's no reason you can't.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
What Gives You Hope?
In this life, in this stage of wanting recovery, or of being in recovery, what gives you hope?
Perhaps it's a large goal, like wanting to have a child one day.
Perhaps it's a smaller idea, like being able to truly be yourself around a particular friend.
Hell, it could even be a soothing cup of tea late at night, when you're snuggling into your sofa, reveling in the time to yourself at the end of a long day and feel at peace.
Today, I'm not talking about plans you have to make or concepts you need to manage in order to keep going. I'm talking about hope. Pure, simple, unique-to-everyone hope.
What gives you hope? For the future? For each day as it stands alone?
Figure out what gives you hope. And if you can't think of something, you're not trying hard enough.
You may not have a support system. Your family maybe hurting your recovery rather than helping it. You may have been abused or bullied or treated unfairly. You may feel completely alone. You may be sick. You may be tired. You may be busy beyond belief.
But there is always hope. It's up to you to find it. I promise you, no matter how bleak things seem, the hope is there. It may be a tiny sliver barley showing itself... but it is there. And if you don't find it and hold it close, you're only keeping yourself in the dark.
Move towards the light, people! Grab the hope.
Perhaps it's a large goal, like wanting to have a child one day.
Perhaps it's a smaller idea, like being able to truly be yourself around a particular friend.
Hell, it could even be a soothing cup of tea late at night, when you're snuggling into your sofa, reveling in the time to yourself at the end of a long day and feel at peace.
Today, I'm not talking about plans you have to make or concepts you need to manage in order to keep going. I'm talking about hope. Pure, simple, unique-to-everyone hope.
What gives you hope? For the future? For each day as it stands alone?
Figure out what gives you hope. And if you can't think of something, you're not trying hard enough.
You may not have a support system. Your family maybe hurting your recovery rather than helping it. You may have been abused or bullied or treated unfairly. You may feel completely alone. You may be sick. You may be tired. You may be busy beyond belief.
But there is always hope. It's up to you to find it. I promise you, no matter how bleak things seem, the hope is there. It may be a tiny sliver barley showing itself... but it is there. And if you don't find it and hold it close, you're only keeping yourself in the dark.
Move towards the light, people! Grab the hope.
Friday, April 2, 2010
I'm Your Voice of Reason :)
I was thinking a lot last night - about a particular friend, about the world in which we live, and obviously, about eating disorders. I had responded to this friend's post and the more I wrote, the more I realized that the way she is currently feeling is the way a lot of people are currently feeling. There was so much I wanted to tell her and there is so much I want to tell you. So I propped up my webcam and made a quick video. It's below. As usual, click to view on YouTube as embedding has been disabled.
Love to all.
Love to all.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Body Dysmorphic Disorder
This week's topic was an interesting one - the little known disorder called BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). I discuss how this relates to eating disorders and give a basic background.
As usual, click to view on YouTube, as embedding will be disabled.
Hope everyone is doing well - and I promise, I won't keep feeding you videos each week - I have some other posts coming up. :)
As usual, click to view on YouTube, as embedding will be disabled.
Hope everyone is doing well - and I promise, I won't keep feeding you videos each week - I have some other posts coming up. :)
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
What To Do About the Overweight/Fat Stigma
I really enjoyed this week's topic for my Wednesday video. Hope you guys do too. Check it out: What to do about the stigma against overweight/fat -
As usual, click to view on YT as embedding has been disabled.
VERY interesting BMI link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/- If you click on the photos it tells you the status of the people and it's very eye-opening. BMI is often completely ridiculous.
Photo of Lizzi Miller (she's obviously the second photo on the page): http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/lizzie-miller---plus-size-model-bares-all-should-weight-limits-be-set-on-models/question-584687/
As usual, click to view on YT as embedding has been disabled.
VERY interesting BMI link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/- If you click on the photos it tells you the status of the people and it's very eye-opening. BMI is often completely ridiculous.
Photo of Lizzi Miller (she's obviously the second photo on the page): http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/lizzie-miller---plus-size-model-bares-all-should-weight-limits-be-set-on-models/question-584687/
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Eating Disorders & Substance Use Disorders
Here's my Wednesday video from yesterday. This week's topic is: "Can EDs and SUDs co-occur? (..Drunkorexia?) How are they linked psychologically, to make them come together?"
I touch on the term "drunkorexia" and other terminology like that. As usual, click to view on YouTube as embedding has been disabled.
I touch on the term "drunkorexia" and other terminology like that. As usual, click to view on YouTube as embedding has been disabled.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Proof that Eating Disorders Affect Everyone
I received some mail from ANAD (Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) on Monday. I'm an ANAD eating disorder support group leader and they send me regular mail. Well, this week I was really intrigued by the contents of their mail. In fact, I made a brief video about it and read the (less than 1 page) letter. Check it out. It's very telling.
By the way, YouTube is having some major issues this week, so a few of my videos from earlier posts may not be working. Hopefully all will be fixed soon, but I know some videos are not currently viewable.
By the way, YouTube is having some major issues this week, so a few of my videos from earlier posts may not be working. Hopefully all will be fixed soon, but I know some videos are not currently viewable.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Question # 20: Taking Responsibility & Being Real
KRYSTAL left a comment a couple of months months ago (sorry it's taken me so long to get to your questions, Krystal!) and I'm going to break them up up into 2 parts to respond. First:
"Thanks for your videos, Arielle. I am just now catching up on them (of course, after the holidays are over)! One thing I have been struggling with lately is a realization that I may really not be the nice person I always thought I was. People have always thought of me as a really nice person. I have been able to find numerous flaws in my personality, but whenever I have had a "mean" moment, I have written it off and blamed it on depression, ED, or whatever stress was going on at the moment. I have been pretty negative and downtrodden lately about my realization that maybe I am just not as nice of a person as I have always thought.
On the brighter side, I am going to take some of your advice from your video "Appreciating What You DO Have Instead of Trying to Change What You've Got". I am going to blog about some things I am thankful for, maybe every day if I can find the time to get on my blog. I am also going to look for some good quotes to frame - I loved those quotes in your bathroom - awesome!"
Okay - you've probably heard the saying "You are your own worst critic" before, but let me talk about that for a second. We can all find flaws in our personalities, and not one of us is perfect. We can strive for perfection, we can strive to be nice, but we may never live up to our expectations. If you are looking for flaws, you will find them. You can keep in mind that you are only human - without making excuses for yourself. You don't always have to be one extreme or the other. By that I mean, you don't have to either be a horrible person or a perfect one. It doesn't work that way. You are who you are and you will change in many ways as you grow as a person.
That said, a part of recovery is definitely taking responsibility for your actions. So if you think you've been making excuses for yourself based on depression, stress, or your eating disorder, perhaps you are. But it doesn't mean those things are not a factor in why you are not able to be as nice as you wish to be.
I think being honest with ourselves is a difficult thing at times. As you say,you're downtrodden lately about the realization you may not be as nice of a person as you originally thought. If this is a true assessment, I can imagine it's rough. But keep in mind that many things can alter one's perception, and one of those things is an eating disorder. Your very sense of self could be askew. The way you view yourself could be completely off. The best thing to do is examine your actions, thoughts, and feelings - and see where they lead you. If you can recognize that you are not feeling like a nice person for valid reasons, you will be better able to change that.
The best advice I can offer is akin to what you are already doing. The more positive reinforcement you have around you, the more positive you will become. Surround yourself with the right things, and you will see a change. You can help your mood, you can help your "niceness." So definitely frame some positive quotes - and put them where you can see them on a daily basis. Make that list of things you're thankful for - and while you're at it, make a list of all the positive attributes YOU possess.
Might be hard at first... but don't let it slide. Complete a list. And add to it as you think of more positive traits. We all have them. Dig for them.
Krystal continues:
"On another note, I have been struggling with the decision on whether to blog about ED stuff. I was bulimic for so long and it was such a big part of my life, but since I was mostly normal weight, not a lot of people knew about it unless I told them. A lot of the new people I know have no clue I ever struggled with ED. I feel like blogging about it sometimes, but don't know if it would change things between me and my newer friends, or make things weird between us. . . What has been your experience? Sorry if you have already blogged or done a video about this. If so, you can just direct me there. . .Thanks."
I think blogging can be very therapeutic. Whatever you want to disclose to the public is up to you. Do only what you feel comfortable doing. If you want, start out small and see how it feels. See what kind of feedback you get. You don't have to tell your whole story all at once. You don't even have to give a backstory if you'd rather not. You can simply write your thoughts, and if some of those thoughts happen to be eating disorder thoughts, put 'em in there.
Your blog is your space. No one can tell you what to write. But if you constantly feel you are censoring yourself, it doesn't make for as therapeutic an experience. You know? Furthermore, if you are refraining from putting some honest bits of yourself out there because you're worried about what other people will think, say, or do - you're giving in to something that will not help you. That mentality is only going to hurt you. That is no way to live your life.
My two cents: I'd rather have a friend who's being real than a friend who's not.
Can I promise you one of your new friends won't ask questions? No. Can I promise you one of them won't shy away and act strangely? No. But as you've probably been told many a time, if they are really your friends, they'll still be your friends when they know more of your story. Don't let fear back you up against a wall.
I have met and befriended a lot of people since I recovered. Do I start having full blown conversations about my disorder with them? No. But do I blog about it? Obviously, yes. I'm not ashamed. And if someone will think differently of me because of my past, that is on them, not on me. Go in with the right attitude and you will not be disappointed.
Best of luck!
Videos of mine from the last year or so you might find helpful:
Friendships & Eating Disorders: Gaining Perspective Part 1
Friendships & Eating Disorders: Gaining Perspective Part 2
Addressing Trust and Friendships
Perfection & Imperfection
Telling, Fielding, and Dealing
Learning to Like Yourself
Stop Pretending & Start Being Real
"Thanks for your videos, Arielle. I am just now catching up on them (of course, after the holidays are over)! One thing I have been struggling with lately is a realization that I may really not be the nice person I always thought I was. People have always thought of me as a really nice person. I have been able to find numerous flaws in my personality, but whenever I have had a "mean" moment, I have written it off and blamed it on depression, ED, or whatever stress was going on at the moment. I have been pretty negative and downtrodden lately about my realization that maybe I am just not as nice of a person as I have always thought.
On the brighter side, I am going to take some of your advice from your video "Appreciating What You DO Have Instead of Trying to Change What You've Got". I am going to blog about some things I am thankful for, maybe every day if I can find the time to get on my blog. I am also going to look for some good quotes to frame - I loved those quotes in your bathroom - awesome!"
Okay - you've probably heard the saying "You are your own worst critic" before, but let me talk about that for a second. We can all find flaws in our personalities, and not one of us is perfect. We can strive for perfection, we can strive to be nice, but we may never live up to our expectations. If you are looking for flaws, you will find them. You can keep in mind that you are only human - without making excuses for yourself. You don't always have to be one extreme or the other. By that I mean, you don't have to either be a horrible person or a perfect one. It doesn't work that way. You are who you are and you will change in many ways as you grow as a person.
That said, a part of recovery is definitely taking responsibility for your actions. So if you think you've been making excuses for yourself based on depression, stress, or your eating disorder, perhaps you are. But it doesn't mean those things are not a factor in why you are not able to be as nice as you wish to be.
I think being honest with ourselves is a difficult thing at times. As you say,you're downtrodden lately about the realization you may not be as nice of a person as you originally thought. If this is a true assessment, I can imagine it's rough. But keep in mind that many things can alter one's perception, and one of those things is an eating disorder. Your very sense of self could be askew. The way you view yourself could be completely off. The best thing to do is examine your actions, thoughts, and feelings - and see where they lead you. If you can recognize that you are not feeling like a nice person for valid reasons, you will be better able to change that.
The best advice I can offer is akin to what you are already doing. The more positive reinforcement you have around you, the more positive you will become. Surround yourself with the right things, and you will see a change. You can help your mood, you can help your "niceness." So definitely frame some positive quotes - and put them where you can see them on a daily basis. Make that list of things you're thankful for - and while you're at it, make a list of all the positive attributes YOU possess.
Might be hard at first... but don't let it slide. Complete a list. And add to it as you think of more positive traits. We all have them. Dig for them.
Krystal continues:
"On another note, I have been struggling with the decision on whether to blog about ED stuff. I was bulimic for so long and it was such a big part of my life, but since I was mostly normal weight, not a lot of people knew about it unless I told them. A lot of the new people I know have no clue I ever struggled with ED. I feel like blogging about it sometimes, but don't know if it would change things between me and my newer friends, or make things weird between us. . . What has been your experience? Sorry if you have already blogged or done a video about this. If so, you can just direct me there. . .Thanks."
I think blogging can be very therapeutic. Whatever you want to disclose to the public is up to you. Do only what you feel comfortable doing. If you want, start out small and see how it feels. See what kind of feedback you get. You don't have to tell your whole story all at once. You don't even have to give a backstory if you'd rather not. You can simply write your thoughts, and if some of those thoughts happen to be eating disorder thoughts, put 'em in there.
Your blog is your space. No one can tell you what to write. But if you constantly feel you are censoring yourself, it doesn't make for as therapeutic an experience. You know? Furthermore, if you are refraining from putting some honest bits of yourself out there because you're worried about what other people will think, say, or do - you're giving in to something that will not help you. That mentality is only going to hurt you. That is no way to live your life.
My two cents: I'd rather have a friend who's being real than a friend who's not.
Can I promise you one of your new friends won't ask questions? No. Can I promise you one of them won't shy away and act strangely? No. But as you've probably been told many a time, if they are really your friends, they'll still be your friends when they know more of your story. Don't let fear back you up against a wall.
I have met and befriended a lot of people since I recovered. Do I start having full blown conversations about my disorder with them? No. But do I blog about it? Obviously, yes. I'm not ashamed. And if someone will think differently of me because of my past, that is on them, not on me. Go in with the right attitude and you will not be disappointed.
Best of luck!
Videos of mine from the last year or so you might find helpful:
Friendships & Eating Disorders: Gaining Perspective Part 1
Friendships & Eating Disorders: Gaining Perspective Part 2
Addressing Trust and Friendships
Perfection & Imperfection
Telling, Fielding, and Dealing
Learning to Like Yourself
Stop Pretending & Start Being Real
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
When Your Distress Tolerance Plan Doesn't Work
Here's today's video, for this week on the ED recovery collaboration on YouTube. This week's topic:
"How do I continue with my distress tolerance plan when it doesn't seem to be working?"
In this video, I answer that question, as well as explain what a distress tolerance plan is. :)
As usual, click to view on YouTube, as embedding has been disabled.
"How do I continue with my distress tolerance plan when it doesn't seem to be working?"
In this video, I answer that question, as well as explain what a distress tolerance plan is. :)
As usual, click to view on YouTube, as embedding has been disabled.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Question # 19: Wishing You'd Never Come Clean About Your ED
JULIA asks:
"I came forward without prodding; no one knew about my EDNOS except for me. Am I still allowed to have days when I wish I'd never said a word? How can I deal with those feelings?"
I finally got a new webcam so you can actually hear how I REALLY sound without that lispy, snake-like Ssss noise, so I thought I'd respond via video. It's a short one, and I realize I don't offer any earth-shattering advice, but it's my thoughts on the matter nonetheless.
"I came forward without prodding; no one knew about my EDNOS except for me. Am I still allowed to have days when I wish I'd never said a word? How can I deal with those feelings?"
I finally got a new webcam so you can actually hear how I REALLY sound without that lispy, snake-like Ssss noise, so I thought I'd respond via video. It's a short one, and I realize I don't offer any earth-shattering advice, but it's my thoughts on the matter nonetheless.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
How To Eat When Hungry & Stop When Full
Thought these videos might be helpful. I responded to a YouTube viewer's question - and man, is it an important question! The video is in two parts, but Part Two is short, I promise - you have to watch them in their entirety or a lot of the importance is lost.
Oh! And good news! A new webcam is in the process of being shipped to me! This is great because you will no longer have to hear that awful lisping noise my camera gives me when I make videos. I do not really lisp or sound like a snake, I promise. It's terrible the way the camera makes me sound. I can't wait for the new webcam!
Part One: How to Eat When Hungry and Stop When Full
Part Two: How to Eat When Hungry and Stop When Full
Oh! And good news! A new webcam is in the process of being shipped to me! This is great because you will no longer have to hear that awful lisping noise my camera gives me when I make videos. I do not really lisp or sound like a snake, I promise. It's terrible the way the camera makes me sound. I can't wait for the new webcam!
Part One: How to Eat When Hungry and Stop When Full
Part Two: How to Eat When Hungry and Stop When Full
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Keep the Hope Alive
Well friends, it's the last day of Eating Disorder Awareness Week - but this does not mean that the awareness should end. This is a week set apart from others. It is a time to devote voices and advocacy to a worthy cause. It is a time to talk about a subject which many keep closed inside of them.
But it can be like this any day, every week. It certainly is in my world. In my life. On my blog. Take ED Awareness Week with you and don't let it go. The heart of eating disorders is silence. Break the silence.
On that note, I'd like to share with you the most recent post from a fabulous little blog called Weighing the Facts. Mrs. Menopausal, the blog's author, did a post entitled Eating Disorders and Body Image Advocates and Why They Blog. She posted a link to my blog with a little write up, but she also shared a few other bloggers' links - and some of them are really fabulous. So check her out and check them out - today and every day!
But it can be like this any day, every week. It certainly is in my world. In my life. On my blog. Take ED Awareness Week with you and don't let it go. The heart of eating disorders is silence. Break the silence.
On that note, I'd like to share with you the most recent post from a fabulous little blog called Weighing the Facts. Mrs. Menopausal, the blog's author, did a post entitled Eating Disorders and Body Image Advocates and Why They Blog. She posted a link to my blog with a little write up, but she also shared a few other bloggers' links - and some of them are really fabulous. So check her out and check them out - today and every day!
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